


How We Will End

by sam_gamgee



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-01-25
Updated: 2009-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-11 03:18:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 50,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_gamgee/pseuds/sam_gamgee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When all of Lorne's memories of Atlantis are wiped in a Jumper accident, will he and Zelenka be able to rebuild their life together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How We Will End

Evan Lorne slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times.

“He’s awake!” an accented voice next to him exclaimed.

Evan slowly moved his head to see who was beside him. The man was probably about an inch shorter than himself, but was slighter in build, and wore glasses. His clothes were severely rumpled, his hair was a little overgrown and standing out all over the place as if he had run his hands through it more than a comb and it hadn’t been washed in days, and the stubble covering his jaw was on the verge of becoming an actual beard.

“Do you want something to drink?” the man asked, turning his attention back to Evan.

Evan nodded, not sure if he should trust his voice yet, and the man picked up a cup that was just out of sight and helped Evan lean up far enough to drink out of the straw with relative ease. Evan was able to see enough to tell he wasn’t on P3X-403 and this definitely wasn’t the SGC. When he was done, the man set the cup down and helped him get situated. Another man – this one with a lab coat, neat clothes, dark hair and the bluest eyes Evan had ever seen – came into view.

“How are you feeling, lad?” the doctor asked with a Scottish accent.

Evan shrugged slightly, still feeling disoriented and fuzzy. “Cotton-y?” he croaked. Everything felt muted and a bit distant.

“That’s to be expected.” The doctor started looking at the different monitors and read-outs. “You were out for three days.”

“Where am I?”

Both men gave him a concerned look. “You’re on Atlantis, son,” the doctor replied as he took his stethoscope from around his neck and started listening to Evan’s chest. “Do you remember anything of the accident?”

“No,” Evan replied truthfully, his mind blank as he concentrated on recent events.

“I’m sure that’ll return in time, so don’t worry about it.” He gently patted Evan on the shoulder. “Do you know your name and rank?”

“Major Evan Lorne, United States Air Force.”

“Good. And who am I?”

Evan thought hard for a moment, but couldn’t place the man among the SGC’s rotation of doctors. “A medical doctor?” he asked.

The doctor frowned and pointed to the man on the other side of the bed. “And who’s this?”

Evan looked over to the scruffy man who had been with him since he woke up and was now looking at him anxiously. He honestly couldn’t place him. Evan shook his head. “I don’t know.” At the other man’s briefly stricken look, he said, “I’m sorry.”

The man murmured something to the doctor, who nodded, before quickly leaving. “He’ll be back,” the doctor replied calmly as he continued to take Evan’s vitals. “My name is Carson Beckett. You were knocked unconscious three days ago while flying a puddlejumper against a Wraith attack. You banged your head up pretty bad, broke your left arm, and dislocated your right shoulder. And given the look of the jumper, I’m surprised you’re not worse off. You’re very lucky.”

Evan mustered enough strength to ask, “Who’s the other guy?”

“That’s Dr. Radek Zelenka. The two of you are quite close.” Carson began checking Evan’s bandages.

“Has he been here the whole time?”

“Yes – not even threats of physical removal would deter him. It’s usually a shock when someone wakes up disoriented and doesn’t recognize you right away. He’ll be back.”

“What if I never remember?” Evan asked quietly.

Carson replaced Evan’s charts on the end of his bed. “Oh, I’m sure you will. You’ll just have to be patient with yourself. I’ll do all the tests I can, and I’ll also set you up with Dr. Heightmeyer – our resident psychologist – to help determine what exactly we’re dealing with so we can find ways to help you recover your memory. But physically, you’re doing excellent. We are going to keep you in here for a few more days to monitor your physical injuries as well as to make sure the rest of your cognitive abilities are sound.” He gently patted Evan’s left shoulder again. “Get some rest. I’ll be by in a little while to check on you, and hopefully by then Radek will be back as well.”

Evan nodded as Carson walked off. He shifted carefully in the bed, not wanting to jostle anything, but needing to find a new way to get comfortable.

There were also a few things that he needed to sort out mentally. The fact that he was stationed somewhere new wasn’t all that worrisome – it happened all the time in the military and he’d come to expect and almost enjoy his nomadic lifestyle. The worrisome part about his new post was that he had been here for some time and who knew how much time had lapsed between his time on P3X-403 and now? He also hoped his CO and XO weren’t hard-asses. Some of the ones he’d had over the years had been real… “winners”.

And there was also Radek’s behavior. Something niggled at the back of Evan’s mind that things between them weren’t quite what they seemed. He didn’t think it was some kind of con act on Radek’s part because Carson was also involved, and Evan didn’t get the vibe from him that he was lying or deceiving Evan to help Radek. Whatever it was, though, Carson hadn’t seemed too worried about it if he let Radek stay with in the infirmary for the past three days. Evan was sure that whatever it was would come out in due time and set it aside.

His mind wandered over the memory of Radek’s features and he had to admit that, even after so much time in vigil, other man was good-looking – maybe not in any movie-star sort of way, but there was something about him that made Evan itch to sketch, or maybe even paint, him.

As he tried to figure out what else he remembered, Evan’s mind got fuzzier and he was having a harder and harder time concentrating before he finally gave in and fell asleep. When he awoke, Radek was sitting in the chair beside him, looking every bit as rumpled as before, and maybe even a little worse for wear.

“I’m sorry for running out earlier,” was the first thing Radek said.

“S’okay,” Evan croaked. He cleared his throat and continued, “I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same, if our situations were reversed.”

“So has he told you about –” Radek paused before finishing, “the city?”

“Not at thing,” Evan replied. “Why don’t you tell me? I’m going to be here a while, so you’ll have a captive audience.”

Radek chuckled before telling Evan about the city and its history, along with what the expedition was doing there. He was careful to not reveal anything too personal about either himself or Evan during the course of his telling. Evan enjoyed himself – Radek was very animate and easily got caught up in telling his stories. From the way it sounded, the city they were living in sounded awesome and he couldn’t wait to be on his feet again.

“How’s our patient doing?” Dr. Beckett asked, coming over as Radek finished up. “Awake again, I see.” He glanced down at Radek and squeezed his shoulder without saying anything. Evan guessed this was something that had happened a lot over the past few days.

“I’m feeling a bit better, Dr. Beckett,” Evan told him.

“Carson, please,” he replied with a smile as he picked up Evan’s chart and started making notes based on the monitors. “That’s what everyone else around here calls me.” After finishing his preliminary notes, he asked, “Do you feel up to seeing someone else?”

“Sure,” Evan replied easily. “Radek doesn’t have to leave, does he?”

“Of course not,” Carson replied with a warm smile. He clicked his radio. “John, Evan said he’s feeling up to see you.”

Something unseen made a barely audible whooshing sound, and a moment later another man appeared. He was a few inches taller than Evan, his hair looked like a cyclone had hit it, and his clothing was casual – charcoal pants and trainers and a black long-sleeve t-shirt. He grinned and said, “Good to see you awake, Lorne. Carson’s briefed me on what’s happened so far. I’m Lt. Col. John Sheppard, and I’m the military commander of this expedition, and you’re my 2IC.”

“Yes, sir,” Evan replied, relaxing at Sheppard’s calm demeanor. “About my duties, sir –”

“Don’t worry about them, Major,” John easily replied. “They’re being taken care of while you recuperate.”

“And if I never do, sir?” Evan asked, furrowing his brow.

“Then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” John replied, patting Evan’s leg. “I’m not in the habit of giving up on my men.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You’re welcome. And quit calling me ‘sir’ – it’s always been John or Sheppard or Colonel. Now, get some rest.”

After he left, Radek said, “The Colonel’s right – you should get some rest. I’ll be here if you need me.” He smiled. “It’ll give me a chance to get caught up on some of the work Rodney says I’ve been neglecting.”

Evan tried to do so, but found he was wide awake. He sighed and shifted in the bed, trying to get comfortable. Finally being awake after so long and having limited mobility made him restless. Factoring in waking up with amnesia and finding out a few startling tidbits of information, he was borderline jittery.

“Are you all right?” Radek asked, looking up from his data tablet, concern clearly written on his face.

“Fine,” he replied. “Just tired of being in this bed, even if I don’t remember most of it.”

A faint smile played at the corners of Radek’s mouth. “Yes, you’ve always been quite active. I … I’m sure your recovery time will feel a bit arduous until you’re back at full speed.” He paused for a moment, as if listening to something, before tapping his earpiece and replying, “I’ll be right there, Rodney.” Clicking it off, he looked at Evan sheepishly. “I’m sorry, but duty calls. I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said as he stood and collected his things.

Evan watched him go, wishing things were the way they used to be. He sighed and closed his eyes, willing himself to relax. As he drifted off, he hoped that when he woke up, things would be back to normal.

Sadly, he had no such luck when he awoke. He was still in the hospital bed, his body was still partially out of order, and his memories were still on vacation. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw Radek was back by his side, lightly dosing. He gently squeezed the hand in his before pulling away.

Radek slowly woke and yawned. “Sorry, miláčku,” he said absently, rubbing an eye. “Things have been crazy lately. Not that that’s really unusual,” he added with a wry smile.

“Why don’t you go get some real sleep? I’ll be fine,” Evan replied softly.

“Are you sure?”

Evan nodded. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Radek laughed abruptly. “No, I suppose not.” He stood and collected his things. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“No rush, Doc,” Evan replied with an easy smile.

Radek just looked at him forlornly for a long moment before shaking his head and heading out. Evan watched him go, wondering what miláčku meant and if he should be worried that he couldn’t remember.

Evan was grateful to Carson and the rest of the medical staff while he physically recuperated. They were patient with him when he got frustrated that he couldn’t remember people or events that were mentioned and they let him have visitors but always seemed to intuitively know when he’d had more than he could handle. And he was surprised at how popular he seemed to be and how everyone was careful not to overwhelm him while showing their concern. And Radek was by his side the whole time. Evan hoped he could repay him for being such a good friend.

But by the time he was released almost a week later, he was more than ready to leave and go “home” and start moving forward. Everyone had been treating him so cautiously; he just wanted to feel normal. Plus, he was starting to feel this itchy need that he couldn’t name or place under his skin. It was probably just his body wanting a hot shower and his own quarters.

“This is really cool,” Evan said as they made their way through the halls, trying to not show his awe at the city. He had always thought that the idea of the City of Atlantis was pretty cool, but to actually be living here….

“Yes, it is,” Radek replied with a soft chuckle. He swiped his hand across a sensor next to a door and it slid open. “Welcome home.”

Upon entering, Evan looked around his quarters. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but this wasn’t exactly it. Things were a little too neat, even by his standards, and from what he had seen of Radek in the infirmary, he wasn’t quite this fastidious either. But there were little personal touches around the room – a sweatshirt thrown over an arm of the couch, some books and magazines stacked on the table, a laptop on the desk, the quilt his Gram had given him folded neatly at the foot of the bed, his footlocker on the floor at the foot of the bed.

Radek cleared his throat and said, “When I’m nervous, I clean.” He looked at Evan a little sheepishly. “That’s happened a lot this past week and a half.”

Evan smiled at him encouragingly. “We’ve both been through a lot in the past week and a half. I think you’d be excused for doing some cleaning.”

Radek grinned. “So, anything yet?”

Evan shook his head. “Sorry. I recognize some things, obviously – the quilt, my footlocker, but other than that….” He shrugged helplessly.

“It’s okay, miláčku,” Radek replied, patting Evan’s upper arm. “I’m sure you will in time.”

“So, can anyone enter any room?” Evan asked as he went to look at the magazines.

“Not in the living quarters, no,” Radek replied. “Those have to be specially keyed. Otherwise it activates a door chime. But since you and I are so close – I’m keyed into your quarters as you are into mine.”

Evan nodded and said, “Look, I’ve got to get out of here for a while. After being stuck in the infirmary for ten days, even if I was asleep for three of them, I’m a little impatient to move around some.”

Radek nodded and they stood. “That’s understandable. Just let me know if you need to stop or come back.”

“Will do, Doc,” Evan replied with a grin. As they went back out into the hallway, he said, “I don’t know if I’m ever going to get used to the doors,” as he fell into step with Radek, but half a step behind him.

“Trust me – you will, and they are the least of the wonders here,” Radek replied. “After a while, a lot of things here will become reflexive again. And where did you want to go?”

“Just anywhere so I can walk.” They walked in comfortable silence for a while, sometimes stopping to talk with people, other times simply nodding a hello.

When they arrived at the mess hall, Evan was starting to flag considerably and Radek said, “We’ve already walked a large portion of Atlantis. Let’s get something to eat and rest before going home.”

“Sounds good to me,” Evan replied, definitely feeling the tired ache in his muscles, but enjoying it.

“Go get us some seats and I’ll get some food.” The command, as innocuous and off-hand as it was, sent a slight and curious tingle through Evan as he easily and quickly complied.

Evan easily found a table with a few free seats and scanned the dinner crowd. It was a fairly balanced group of military and scientists, and they had all mixed together, with a few pockets of either one or the other. He guessed it was like what Radek had told him when they talked about the city – apparently subconscious fears must have broken down the barriers between the groups pretty quickly. Sensing someone sitting down next to him, he glanced over and saw it was Parrish, who was his team’s scientist, and Coughlin, one of the soldiers on his team, sitting down with their trays. They had all visited him regularly in the infirmary, and he had been glad for their support.

“I hope you and Radek don’t mind,” Parrish said. “It’s just habit that we all sit together for meals.”

“It’s okay with me,” Evan replied. “Where’s, um…” he trailed off, trying to remember their fourth.

“Smithson?” Coughlin supplied and continued. “She’s having trouble deciding what she wants to eat.” He and Parrish laughed. “Not like there’s a whole lot of choice.”

Radek came over with a full tray and Smithson in tow. He smiled as he set the tray down and sat next to Evan. “Family dinner once again,” he said with a nod. “How’s your girlfriend, Parrish?”

“She’s good,” he replied with a sappy grin. “She’s defending her dissertation this week, so she’s a nervous wreck, but I know she’ll be fine.”

“And this makes how many?” Evan asked, quickly realizing what Radek was doing – asking questions both as a friend and to casually help him catch up. And he filed away the ‘family dinner’ comment to ask Radek about it later.

“This’ll be her fourth.” He laughed. “I think she’s trying to cover all the bases, just in case.”

“She does know the definition of insanity, right?” Smithson asked with a smile before taking a bite of her Jell-o.

Parrish shrugged his eyebrows. “Maybe. Though, she says I’m insane for coming out here.”

“Didn’t you hear?” Coughlin asked, elbowing Parrish. “Insanity’s a prerequisite for coming here.”

“It has to be,” Evan replied. “Scientific advancements aside, why else would we?”

“Touché,” Parrish replied easily. “How’s your mom, Coughlin?” And Evan chuckled internally that Parrish seemed to have picked up on it as well.

“Good,” he replied, wiping his mouth. “Being run ragged by my brother’s two rug rats, while he’s doing a tour in Afghanistan, but she seems to love it.”

“Yeah, when she’s not worried sick about the two of you,” Smithson replied.

“I think they help keep her sane, when they’re not adding gray hairs to her head.”

“And taking years from her life,” Radek interjected. “Apparently, Coughlin’s nephews are little hellions,” he said in an aside to Evan.

“Just like their dad and uncle, from what we’ve been told,” Smithson said with a smile.

“Like you should be to talk, Smitty,” Coughlin replied easily. “How’s your home life?”

“Well, my boys haven’t found a replacement for me yet.”

“How old are they?” Evan casually asked her.

“They are twenty-nine and thirty-two.” Seeing Evan’s furrowed brow as he tried to figure it out, she added, “I’m in a relationship with two wonderful guys. And right now, they’re waiting for me at home.”

“Ah,” Evan replied. Glad to have at least a few basics to go on since the infirmary conversations had tended to be about him or very benign subjects, Evan took charge of the conversation and asked, “So, what do we do for fun around here?”

“Define fun,” Smithson said. “Our good doctor over here,” she pointed her fork at Parrish, “enjoys playing with plants – even when he’s off-duty.”

“Or they’ve been extinct for 140 billion years,” Coughlin smirked and tossed a piece of bread at Parrish.

“Sure, mock the paleobotanist,” Parrish replied with an air of weary loftiness. “Just because you grunts can’t understand the importance biological history has on our present, let alone our future…”

“Oh, get off it,” Coughlin replied. “Just because you’re weird doesn’t mean we don’t love you. Otherwise,” he turned his attention back to Evan, “we have an entertainment room set up, Lt. Col. Sheppard set up a driving range, we have a gym so we can train, we have a firing range –”

“Various clubs have formed, and we even managed to get a swimming area set up too,” Smithson interjected. “So, you’ll never be bored.”

“I hope you guys aren’t grounded because of me,” Evan said.

“Don’t worry about it,” Parrish replied. “We were scheduled to go out of rotation for a couple weeks, anyway, to give some of the new teams a chance. Beyond that, we’ll figure something out.”

As they wandered back to Evan’s quarters after dinner, Radek asked, “How are you doing?”

“Okay, I think,” Evan replied, glancing around the halls. “It’s still a lot to take in, but it feels…comfortable somehow – more than any of the other places I’ve been stationed.”

“That it does,” Radek replied with a slight smile. “Many of us have had the feeling that we were coming home once we arrived here.”

Evan hesitated before admitting, “I am worried about what’ll happen if I don’t remember anything. Do you think I’ll get shipped home?”

Radek shrugged. “Honestly, I have no idea. It’s not like something like has happened before. I guess it could be possible. But you’ve shown yourself to be an invaluable member of our team, and I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to keep you.” He smiled reassuringly. “We Atlanteans are a close bunch – we take care of our own.”

Evan chuckled at that. “I’ve noticed that. And, believe me, I’m grateful for it.” He looked around the hallway as they stopped in front of his quarters. “I’ve always enjoyed the nomadic lifestyle of the Air Force and the SGC, but I get the feeling that this is one of those places you stay on.” He looked back at Radek. “And I think I’d like that.”

Radek blushed and smiled. “I’d like that too.” Changing the subject, he said, “Look – about tomorrow. Don’t worry about Dr. Heightmeyer. She’s very fair, and like everyone else here, will do what she can to keep you here.”

“Thanks,” Evan replied. “Want to come in?” he asked, gesturing behind himself to the door.

Radek wistfully shook his head. “As much as I would like to, I shall be good and go. I want to make sure you’re comfortable with yourself before I begin encroaching on your space.”

Evan shook his head in amusement. “Now that sounds like something Dr. Heightmeyer might say.”

“I’ll admit I’ve spoken with her a few times since your accident,” Radek admitted sheepishly. “At her insistence, not mine.”

“If it’s helping you sort something out, I’m not going to condemn you – if that’s what you think,” Evan told him with a shrug as he leaned back against the wall. “So, what are your plans for tomorrow while I’m getting my head examined?”

“Rodney expects me back in the lab. So I shall probably be there for most of the day, doing his bidding.” Radek made an unpleasant face and Evan laughed.

“Do you think it’ll be allowed if I steal you away for lunch?”

“Yes,” Radek replied quickly. “Rodney may not like it – expecting me to put in hours to catch up on the time I’ve missed, but unlike him I like to eat regularly. And regardless of what he might say, I am still on schedule with my deadlines – unlike some members of the department. So, please come steal me away for food when you’re done.”

“Sounds like a date, then,” Evan said as he swiped his hand over the sensor. He caught the stricken look that quickly passed over Radek’s face and filed it away. Radek must’ve recently lost someone very close to him. He’d have to ask about it later. “Good night, Radek.”

“Good night, Evan,” Radek replied before heading off in the direction of his own quarters, his hands thrust in his pockets and his shoulders hunched.

Evan went into his quarters and began undressing, being mindful of the cast on his left forearm. He put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and grabbed his pajamas before heading into the bathroom.

He wished he knew what was going on with Radek. There were moments where it seemed like they were really connecting on an almost unconscious level and others where Radek would withdraw and Evan wasn’t sure if he knew the other man at all. It was definitely apparent that they had been close before the accident, and he wondered if it was because he was Sheppard’s second-in-command and Radek held the same position under Rodney, so their positions had fostered a sense of closeness between them that had been enhanced by their location, or if there was something else involved.

The hot water in the shower helped ease the physical tension in his body, but did nothing for the mental tension he was feeling. While he knew she couldn’t say anything specific with patient confidentiality, he hoped Dr. Heightmeyer would be able to help him out in that regard. He went through the rest of his nightly ablutions on autopilot and soon emerged ready for bed. Not sure what else to do, and not quite ready to sleep, he set up his laptop on the bed and watched one of the movies that had been loaded onto it, wishing he could remember the first time he had seen it.

“Welcome, Major Lorne,” Heightmeyer told him the next morning as she admitted him into her office. “How are you doing today?”

“Okay, I guess,” he replied with a shrug as he followed her to the sitting area. “I’m alive and operating at about 75 percent capacity, so I figure it’s got to be a pretty good day.” He smiled as he sat down on the couch.

She returned the warm smile as she sat down across from him with a legal pad and a tape recorder. “I see you’ve retained your sense of humor – which is very good. Studies have shown that patients who have a positive outlook and are able to laugh have a very high total recovery rate.” Turning serious, she said, “Since you’ve arrived here, you’ve seen me monthly as a part of the agreement you made for on-going psychological evaluation and competency. During that time, I’ve recorded our sessions with both a tape recorder and my own personal notes. Is this still acceptable to you?”

Evan shrugged. “Sure. I know you need to do what you need to do in order to do your job and I’m not going to get in the way of that.”

She bowed her head in acceptance as she made a note. “For our session today, I’d like to just ask you some questions and see where you’re at now compared to your last evaluation, so we can see what sorts of options may work best in helping to aid you in your recovery. And feel free to ask me questions as well – this isn’t a one-way street. I won’t promise I’ll answer, since there are some things a person is best left to deal with on their own, but I’ll do what I can to help you out.”

“How long will it take before my memories come back?” The question was out of Evan’s mouth before he even registered that he was asking it.

“I honestly don’t know,” Heightmeyer replied calmly. “It varies from person to person. Some people recover their memories quickly – some times in days or weeks. For others, it takes months or even years. And some people never recover their memories, or only regain partial memories. Considering that you quickly received medical attention after the crash and that you didn’t experience any brain swelling or bruising, I’d say the chances are very good for you to completely recover your memories. And I’ll do everything in my power to help you do that as smoothly as possible.”

Evan took a moment to absorb the information before nodding. “Okay. Let’s get this show on the road.”

As she questioned him about his impressions of the city, the people he had met so far, various likes and dislikes – both of things he’d come in contact with on Atlantis and that he’d expressed a preference for or against in an earlier session, Evan felt himself relaxing. He seemed to still like the things he had always liked prior to coming to Atlantis – flying, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, art – specifically sketching and painting, the color blue and a whole host of other things. And Heightmeyer – Kate, as she had told him to call her – seemed pleased with his answers to her questions about his Atlantean tastes as well. It seemed like not much had changed there either.

But as she continued to question him, Evan got a niggling feeling that she was skirting around something important. And not in the ‘do you prefer spaghetti or lasagna?’ sort of way. When she finally finished the questioning and told him the session was over, Evan breathed a sigh of relief.

“So, how’d I do, Doc?” he asked her.

“Good,” she told him as she glanced over her notes. “In all the important ways, you’re still the same Evan Lorne you were before the accident – which is a very good sign. But if it comes out that some things have changed, I wouldn’t worry. There have been instances where someone with amnesia will find that since the onset of the amnesia, they no longer like their favorite type of music, or realize that they do like a type of food that they previously hadn’t. This isn’t necessarily a deciding factor in the outcome of their recovery, just a warning that it might happen and it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Okay.” He furrowed his brow and considered how to broach the topic. “I did notice that you backed away from something – or maybe a few somethings, I don’t know – a few times. Is there any chance I’m going to find out what that is or they are?”

“In time,” she told him cryptically. She hesitated for a second before continuing, “It’s something of a deeply personal nature that didn’t manifest itself until after you arrived here on Atlantis. And since I wasn’t privy to all that you went through in incorporating it into your lifestyle, I’m hesitant to spring it on you now, before you’ve had time to reacclimatize yourself to your surroundings.”

“Would they have anything to do with Radek Zelenka?” he asked her bluntly.

She hesitated for a second too long, and Evan figured he’d hit the nail right on the head.

“Don’t worry, Doc,” he reassured her. “While he’s been very solicitous since I woke up, Radek hasn’t told me anything either way. There are just these… moments – the way he hesitates before saying certain things, the way he looks when I do. He’s been a really good friend to me this past week and I don’t want to unintentionally exacerbate something he might be going through. I know you can’t really say anything because of the whole doctor/patient confidentiality, but did he lose someone close to him in the Wraith attack?”

Heightmeyer thought for a moment before replying, “What Dr. Zelenka is currently going through is complicated. And while I’m sure he’d appreciate your concern, I think it’s something that’s best left between him and me.”

Evan wasn’t completely mollified, but he was willing to let the topic go for the time being and pursue it at a later date with Radek. “Okay,” he verbally acquiesced. “So, when do you want me back?”

“How about two days from now, at the same time?” she asked after consulting her planner, and he nodded. “That’ll give us some time to see how things progress for you. Obviously, we’ll meet sooner if you have a break-through or a relapse. I’m clearing you for light office duty. I think it’ll do you good if you have something to focus on, and refamiliarizing yourself with the personnel on the expedition and some of your team’s missions might be a good way to start. And this should be common sense, but I know how everyone on this expedition works, so it bears repeating. Listen to your body. If you’re tired, take a break from whatever you’re doing. If you’re hungry, eat something. You’re not Superman, regardless of what you might think.”

Evan nodded as he stood. “Thanks, Doctor. I’ll see you in a couple days then.”

Evan checked his watch as he left Heightmeyer’s office and saw that he still had an hour until it was officially lunchtime and he could gather Radek from the labs. He headed to a nearby balcony to get some fresh air and collect his thoughts.

On the upside, he was still basically Major Evan Lorne, Air Force pilot, and that was profoundly reassuring. But there was something else going on – something big – that had happened since he came to Atlantis. And regardless of what Heightmeyer hadn’t said, he knew it had something to do with Radek. He really hoped he hadn’t hurt him somehow. He kind of doubted it; otherwise Radek wouldn’t have spent as much time with him as he had. Evan could tell he had made enough other friends during his time on the base that he wouldn’t be without companionship if he had wanted it. He just needed to find a way to find out what had happened.

As he came in from the balcony, he looked both ways down the hallway, wondering where to go next. Going to his office – he assumed he had an office, most second-in-commands did, or at least some sort “office-like space”.

“How are you doing, Major?” Dr. Weir asked him lightly, pulling him from his train of thought.

“Good, Dr. Weir,” he replied. “Just trying to remember if I have an office and where it is.”

“You do,” she replied with a light laugh. She gave him directions and a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he headed off.

Evan breathed a sigh of relief when he reached his office. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to Heightmeyer, but he was worried that he wouldn’t be able to remember anything from now on, regardless of how well he had been doing over the past week. He took his time refamiliarizing himself with his office and its contents, not surprised when he found things in various places. Heightmeyer had been right – he may not remember his time on Atlantis prior to waking up, but he was still basically himself.

He tore himself away with just enough time to jog down to the labs. When he arrived, Radek looked extremely grateful and immediately pulled him away.

“Everything okay?” Evan asked as they headed to the mess hall.

“Perfectly fine,” Radek replied shortly before taking a deep breath and letting out slowly. “Rodney is simply being himself today – which is both infuriating and exhilarating when he gets on a roll.” He smiled and changed the subject. “How did your session go with Dr. Heightmeyer?”

“Good. Apparently, I’ve just been reset from what it sounds like. And so far I’ve been matching up to what I’m like on Atlantis. I have another session in a couple days, and I guess we’ll see how things are going then and then go from there. And even though Heightmeyer hasn’t really said anything, it sounds like it’s going to be slow going.”

“At least it sounds like the prognosis is good, though.”

Evan nodded as they grabbed trays. “It does. And I wanted to thank you for your support the past week. It’s been a real help.”

“You’re welcome,” Radek replied wistfully, and Evan could tell he had tripped something again for Radek and regretted it.

“I’m sorry,” Evan said softly as they left the line.

“For what?” Radek asked, confused.

“I seem to keep saying stuff that hits a nerve for you. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

“Thank you,” Radek replied. “And, believe me, it’s not your fault. But right now, I prefer to leave things as they are for the time being, since the situation to which you’re referring hasn’t completely resolved itself.”

Evan nodded in understanding as they sat down. “Well, I’m here if you change your mind.”

That afternoon, Evan went back to his office and, after reading the expedition’s mission statement, began going through his personnel files on the soldiers under his command – and that still surprised and thrilled him. He was second in command of an alien outpost. This was just too cool. And the men stationed there with them looked like they were the best of the best. And reading between the lines, he could see that while they were exemplary, most had a bit of a maverick streak in them and most seemed to follow the intent of the command rather than the letter of it.

Evan knew that was true of himself, and he knew enough brass to know how that rankled them, so he figured they were probably more than happy to have someone else deal with them. He was intrigued at the set-up between Dr. Weir and Colonel Sheppard. He knew she was the head of the expedition and he was the head of the military and he wondered how they got along and if they butted heads a lot. He thought it was fitting that she had been given a command that would appeal to the diplomat in her.

There was a knock on the doorframe and Evan looked up to see Sheppard leaning in the doorway. “Come on in,” he told him with a grin. “Just trying to get caught up on who’s who,” he said, gesturing at the open files on his laptop.

“I’m glad to see you’re out and about,” Sheppard replied as he came in and sat down. “How do you feel?”

Evan shrugged. “Pretty good.” He held up his cast. “Arm still twinges a bit, but Carson said it’s to be expected. It’s frustrating not being able to remember things and knowing that I should. Everyone seems confident that I’ll get my memory back and they’ve all been great, but it’s still a pain in the ass while I’m waiting.”

“I’m sure it is,” John replied with an understanding nod. “Listen, I just wanted to make sure you knew and understood that I don’t want you killing yourself just to get back on active duty. Do what you gotta do and take all the time you need. Your job’s not going anywhere.”

“And if I never get my memory back?” Evan asked.

John shrugged. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Otherwise, we’ll make sure you have the information and the help you need to get your job done. And all of us are pulling for you to get better.”

“Thank you,” Evan replied, surprised at how good it felt to know that the men seemed to think that highly of him. “I feel like there should be all these questions I should ask you so I can bring myself up to par, but I don’t even know where to start,” Evan confessed.

“They’ll come to you,” John told him with a smile as he stood. “Believe me, before you know it, you’ll be back to full speed. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t worrying about your job on top of getting better.”

“Thanks again, sir. And before you go – what sorts of things did I do before the accident? Any sort of regular training sessions or social functions or anything like that?”

John looked at him dubiously for a moment before replying, “Well, you did help with some of the training, but Ronon and I are working on that, and some of the guys have stepped up to help out as well. As for social gatherings – those were never mandatory. You came if you wanted and didn’t if you didn’t, so don’t feel obligated to attend everything – unless you want to.”

“And what about Radek?” Evan blurted out before he had even thought to ask. “I get that we were close before the accident and I’m really appreciative of what he’s done for me since then, but everyone – including him – has been pretty evasive about answering anything, and I’m getting the impression that there’s more to that story than that we were best friends.”

“I think that’s something that you need to talk to Zelenka about, not me,” John replied easily.

Evan sighed. “That seems to be the recurring theme, and yet Radek seems reluctant to talk about it. Can’t you give me anything to go on? It could be really abstract and vague – I just want something.”

“Talk to Zelenka,” John repeated firmly. “I think you’ll be glad you did.”

Evan nodded, knowing that he wasn’t going to get any farther with John on this point. “Thanks, Sheppard.”

As John left, Evan stared blankly at the screen, not quite sure what to think. He finally pulled himself out of the daze and forced himself to concentrate on the rest of the files. Once he was done, he pulled up the training schedule and memorized it. He knew that actually interacting with the men would be better for him than just reading through their files until he had them memorized. And once he got his cast off, he’d do what he could to get back up to speed so he could retake his place in that area.

After some poking around, he also figured out how to find the weekly events schedule that had been posted on Atlantis’ intranet. He didn’t want to impose all his time on Radek and knew it would be good to try things out so he could see where he fit in here – and maybe even try some new things along the way. He could also get back to his artwork. He had been happy to see that he had brought his art supplies with him.

He had an idea as he closed the files and powered down his laptop. The cast on his arm didn’t prevent him from running. The exercise would do him good and help him feel a little more like his old self. And maybe he could ask Radek to join him. The scientist didn’t look like a runner, but that didn’t have to be a hindrance – Evan would be happy to help him if Radek was willing to do it. And it could give them another chance to bond and reclaim whatever had been between them before the accident.

Evan wandered back to his quarters and gathered his sketchbook and some pencils before heading down to the mess hall for a late dinner. He staked out a table from which he could view most of the room. After eating, he pushed his tray to the side and opened his sketchbook to a blank page and pulled out one of his pencils. He watched the crowd for a moment, trying to find a good subject before settling on a group of scientists who were setting up some chessboards.

As he began to draw them, Evan lost himself in the simplicity of equating real subjects into abstract lines and two dimensional forms. The picture slowly took shape as he filled in, line by line, the three boards, six scientists, and their animated conversations. He smiled as he watched one of them regale the others with a funny story, the whole time waving his opponent’s rook in the air.

“May I join you?” Radek asked as Evan completed the finishing touches on the drawing.

“Sure,” Evan replied, looking up at Radek with a warm smile. “How was your afternoon?”

“A little insane,” Radek replied as he set his tray down across from Evan. “But good. I got caught up in working on a piece of Ancient technology we had found and lost track of time.”

“What does it do?” Evan asked, intrigued.

“It’s some type of music player,” Radek told him before digging into his salad. “It’s about the size of an iPod, maybe a little bigger, and it plays music and while it does, it projects abstract forms into the space above it – very pretty to watch. Not sure if it had any practical applications – such as in therapy – or if it was simply meant for entertainment. Either way – I’m sure the anthropologists will enjoy playing with it, and I’m sure they’ll be able to get more information out of it than I will.” After taking a drink, he asked, “So, how was your afternoon?”

“Not quite that exciting,” Evan replied with a smile as he put his pencils away and closed his sketchbook. “I went through the military personnel files so I’d have an idea of who I’m commanding, and Sheppard came by to talk for a few minutes. I still feel a bit overwhelmed, but I’m sure I’ll come around eventually.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Radek replied, reassuringly.

Plunging in, Evan added, “And I was thinking of going running tomorrow morning. A cast on my arm doesn’t mean I can’t use my legs. I don’t know if we ran together or if I promised you I’d train you, or what, but if you want to join me tomorrow, I’d really like it.”

“I’m not much of a runner and never really had any inclination for it,” Radek admitted sheepishly. “But thank you for the invitation. What are your plans for tonight?”

Evan shrugged. “I hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Maybe stay here and draw some more, or see what sort of trouble I can get into.” He hesitated before saying, “I didn’t want to assume you wanted to do something with me tonight or make you feel like you had to make plans with me.”

“And if I wanted to?” Radek asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Then, by all means, please make plans,” Evan replied as he leaned back in his chair. “I just don’t want you to feel obligated for me and my social life.”

“I honestly don’t mind,” Radek replied wistfully.

Leaning forward and placing his folded hands on the table, Evan said, “Could we talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you? If I did something wrong, I’m sorry and I’d like to make up for it, even if I can’t remember it. I’m a big boy, I’m sure I can handle it.”

Radek hesitated for a moment before gently patting Evan’s right wrist. The contact sent a slight wave of warmth through Evan, and he wondered if that was something new. He had always enjoyed tactile sensations, but this was different somehow – almost as if it held the whisper of a promise.

“Thank you for your sincerity,” Radek told him, “but what you’re asking of me is something I’m not willing to discuss right now. Just know that you didn’t do anything wrong.” He smiled wanly. “And I know you’re made of stern stuff, Evan Lorne. I’ve seen it numerous times.”

Evan forced himself to nod in acceptance, when he really wanted to press Radek and make him open up about what was going on. It hurt him to know that Radek was hurting and he wished he could fix it. But he knew that all he could do for now was make sure that Radek knew he was available whenever he needed him and be the friend that Radek had been for him.

“So, what did you have in mind for tonight?” he asked Radek.

“Well, Parrish and some of the other biologists are hosting a movie night – Creature from the Black Lagoon or some such B horror movie. Either way they tend to be fun events and we all go.”

“Sounds good to me,” Evan replied. He had always enjoyed watching B movies and remembered doing something similar a few times with his SGC team back on Earth.

When they arrived at the commons room, Evan was greeted by the rest of his team as if they hadn’t seen him in ages. He also saw that it wasn’t just his team and a bunch of botanists, but that a few other scientists he recognized from Radek’s lab and some other soldiers were there as well.

He couldn’t help but laugh as he said, “You guys do remember that I did see you all yesterday, right?”

Smithson rolled her eyes. “Of course, doofus. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t be glad our fearless leader is still upright and mobile.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “I’m sure that there’s something in there that I should be worried about, but I’m going to let it slide this time. Can we get this movie started?” he asked Parrish.

“In a minute,” Parrish replied, amused. “We’re still waiting on a couple of people. But go ahead and make yourselves comfortable.”

Evan raised an eyebrow at Radek and Radek led him over to one of the smaller love seats. They practically had to squish together to sit on it, but Radek didn’t seem to mind, and Evan figured that if Radek didn’t, then he wouldn’t either.

As they waited, he watched the rest of the group, trying to get a feel for their dynamics and how they interacted. It looked like there was an easy camaraderie between everyone and that there wasn’t any sort of hostility that he had sometimes encountered between the scientists and soldiers on other SGC missions. But, he figured, that had a lot to do with being in a different galaxy by themselves – they had to get along, if only to survive. And he was sure that shared experiences had fostered those bonds until they turned into something genuine.

Radek turned to say something to him as the last few people arrived and Parrish called everyone’s attention to himself. Evan wondered what Radek had been going to say, but figured that if it had been important, he would have either said it or would tell him afterwards.

During the movie, Evan felt himself relax and feel as if nothing was wrong. The group had fun making snarky comments during the movie and by the end of it; they were all much more relaxed.

Throughout the movie, Evan and Radek relaxed into each other as if it was completely natural for the two of them to lean against each other, their hands pressed against each other where they were sandwiched between their thighs, their fingers slightly tangled. It was as if Evan’s body knew something his mind didn’t, and he hated it.

When the movie ended, everyone tiredly and quietly began to leave. Evan caught Radek looking at their hands with such longing that it made his heart ache for his friend. Before Evan could say anything, an expressionless mask slid into place over Radek’s features and Radek looked up at him with a small smile. 

“Did you enjoy the movie?” he asked as he casually shifted away from Evan and separated their hands.

“I did,” Evan replied with a smile of his own. He’d play this game if Radek wanted him to, but now he knew for certain that there was definitely more going on beneath the surface of their friendship. “Ready to go?”

Radek nodded and they stood. They quietly walked back to Evan’s quarters.

“So I guess there’s no way I can talk you into running with me?” he asked lightly when they arrived, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

Radek laughed. “Not a snowball’s chance in hell,” he replied. “But I do appreciate the offer. I’ll see you tomorrow, miláčku.”

Evan nodded in resignation. “See you tomorrow, Radek.”

The next morning, Evan got up and ran. He didn’t know where he was going, but just the simple act of doing it felt good and he enjoyed the exertion. His body seemed to remember, though, and took him on an easy course around the city and through a few levels before returning him to his quarters. As always, the exercise helped him clear his mind of everything and concentrate solely on his breathing and his body. This was probably the only waking time he’d have for a while where he wouldn’t have to worry about his absent memories.

But he couldn’t help a nagging feeling that he should be doing something about Radek. He just didn’t know how to get past the seemingly impenetrable defenses the other man had set up.

After showering and changing and stopping by the mess hall for some breakfast, Evan made his way, with a few wrong turns, down to the practice room. He figured he’d spend some time seeing his men in action and getting to know them as people and not just personnel files.

The men didn’t seem to mind when he slipped into the room unobtrusively and leaned back against the wall to watch. The few who had noticed him smiled in acknowledgement, and a couple waved before they turned their attention back to Ronon. Evan had seen the large man around the city, but hadn’t had any interaction with him since his accident and figured that they probably didn’t have any regular contact. Evan got the same vibe from him that he had gotten from Teal’c – the few times he had met him. He was definitely someone you wouldn’t want to piss off, and he’d be a true ally when you needed him.

Ronon was putting the men through their paces and Evan could see that they were all exceptional, even if he didn’t completely recognize the style of fighting. It felt like it should be familiar, but he couldn’t directly place where he had learned it. He made a note to ask Heightmeyer about that – if selective memories could be wiped out in addition to one big chunk. When they were done, Ronon gave them some gruff reminders about where they had left themselves open and how to improve.

As the men collected their things to leave, a few came over to chat and see how Evan was doing. He was happy when he got all their names right, surprising them until he explained that he had gone through personnel files. They all seemed honestly relieved that he was doing well, all things considered, and that took a weight off of Evan’s mind that he hadn’t known was there. Ronon was the last to leave and he simply ducked his head as he passed Evan and clapped him on the shoulder.

Evan stayed for a while longer and watched Sheppard train a couple of groups of new recruits, feeling better bit by bit as the morning passed. He couldn’t put a finger on why, but even just watching made him feel almost normal. But then, military life had been his life for so long that any part of it would be familiar and reassuring.

Afterwards, he headed back to his office and, as Heightmeyer suggested, went through some of his mission reports. Half of what he read were fairly standard meet and greets or follow-up trade missions. The other half read like something out of a comic book or rejected movie script. He wouldn’t have believed them if they hadn’t been in his own words.

His radio beeped as he leaned back in his chair to stretch, and Evan jumped. He tapped the button and said, “Evan Lorne.”

“Would you like to join me for a late lunch?” Radek asked him.

Evan’s stomach growled as he looked at his laptop’s clock. “Wouldn’t the term ‘early dinner’ be more applicable?” he teased, seeing that it was almost 1630.

“Probably,” Radek replied with a chuckle. “So…?”

“Sounds good. My body decided now would be a good time to remind my brain that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I’ll meet you down in the mess hall.”

When they joined up at a table a few minutes later, Radek gave Evan a critical look and Evan did his best not to fidget under his intense gaze.

“Do I have something on my face or something?” he asked as they sat down.

“No, sorry,” Radek replied softly, shaking his head and pulling himself back to the present. “Just thinking that there are things I would love to forget from my time here, but they are intrinsically linked to so many good things, that to do so would rob the good times of their sweetness. But I know you did not choose to lose your memories of your time here, and that if you had, you would have been much more selective about it.”

Evan smiled. “Damn right, I would have. For one thing, I wouldn’t have forgotten whatever it is that’s made you so upset.” He saw the shock register in Radek’s eyes as he continued, quieter, “Look, I know that there’s some sort of unfinished business or something between us and I’m sorry that my memory loss is dragging it out and hurting you.”

“It’s, um… it’s –” Radek sputtered and looked away. He collected himself before saying, “I’d rather not discuss that here, in such a public place. And I know that there are certain reasons – good reasons – for why certain things are withheld from people who suffer from amnesia, but I think in this instance it would be better to put us both out of our misery if I told you. And who knows, maybe that will be a key that will help you to begin unlocking the rest of your memory.” He shrugged wistfully before adding emphatically, “But after we eat.”

Evan did his best to not rush through his meal so he could find out the tidbit Radek was offering to him. As he swallowed his last bite before moving on to his dessert, though, it suddenly hit him – what if he didn’t want to know what Radek was going to tell him? What if he had done something horrible and Radek was so upset because he was the only other person who knew about it? Or what if they’d had some sort of falling out just before the accident and Radek was afraid of what would happen if he told Evan about it? Evan stopped himself short. That couldn’t be it, though. If they’d had some sort of friendship-ending argument, he doubted Radek would have stayed around to see what happened and would have used Evan’s impairment as a chance to cut his losses and leave him behind. Or he could be hoping that Evan would never remember that incident and was using this opportunity for them to start fresh. But, if that was the case, then why would he tell him about it?

Radek tapped his fork against Evan’s tray, drawing his attention. “You’re thinking too much,” he told him with a kind smile. “I can hear you over here. And if you’re thinking about what I’m going to tell you, you don’t need to worry about it – it’s something good. Well, mostly good, the current state of the world being as it is. Are you finished?”

“Uh, yeah,” Evan replied.

They quietly bussed their trays before Evan followed Radek out of the mess hall. Evan followed him to a small balcony off a side hallway. It was secluded and the view of the city was fantastic.

Evan leaned back against one of the side railings so he could keep an eye on the door and the open air as he watched Radek pace for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. He had the feeling that he had done this a number of times before, given how comfortable he felt just watching him.

“We were close weren’t we?” he finally asked when Radek didn’t seem too intent on offering any explanations any time soon. “And I mean really close, if how unconsciously comfortable I feel around you is any indication, especially since I know you only a little better than I know either Carson or Sheppard.”

Radek nodded. “Yes, we were very close. Please don’t take my silence for reticence. I am merely trying to figure out the best way to present this to you. But I guess there is no ‘best way’ for something like this.” He stopped mid-stride and turned to look at Evan, his arms crossed over his chest as if to protect himself. “We were lovers, Evan.”

“I had almost figured as much,” Evan replied. It made a lot of sense, really, that they had been lovers. The looks, the hesitancy, the anguish. And given the whole “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” it’s no wonder Radek didn’t want to say anything in public. Everything made so much more sense now. “How long?” he asked.

“Just over two years,” Radek replied. “You came as part of the second wave with the Daedalus, and we got together not long after that.”

It looked like there was something else Radek wanted to add, but he wasn’t any more forthcoming and Evan began to doubt he’d get it out of him this time around. But this had been enough – more than enough, actually. This had been enough of a bombshell for one day.

“Unless you decided you wanted to break up with me, can I hug you?” Evan asked, wanting to give Radek some physical reassurance.

“Are you sure?” Radek asked. “You’re not –?”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Radek, if we’ve been together for over two years, you would’ve known by now that I knew I was gay by the time I turned thirteen. It’s not exactly a huge bombshell.” He pushed himself off the railing and closed the gap between them. “Now, how I got someone as incredible as you – that’s definitely a shocker.”

Radek gaped at him. “Me?” he practically squeaked. “I think you may need to have your head examined for additional brain damage. I’m not exactly a prize catch.”

“From where I’m standing, you are,” Evan told him softly as he pulled him into a tight hug, marveling at how right it felt for him to be in Radek’s arms. “And that feeling of coming home I told you about?” he whispered into Radek’s ear. “I don’t think that wasn’t just being on Atlantis – I think that was you, too.”

Radek sniffed into Evan’s shoulder and tightened his arms around Evan. “I thought I’d lost you. The attack was unexpected. Well,” he laughed slightly, “as unexpected as knowing the enemy’s out there and waiting to attack can be called unexpected. Colonel Sheppard had ordered a Jumper attack on the Hive ship and you and one of the Marines had paired up. We had been able to repel the Darts and actually destroy the Hive and everyone was on their way back in when you were hit by a rogue Dart just before you entered the city’s shield. Colonel Sheppard managed to save you before the Jumper crashed.”

“And the other soldier?” Evan made himself ask.

Radek shook his head against Evan. “Didn’t make it – the shot hit on that side.”

Evan held Radek tighter and kissed his temple. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” Trying to lighten the mood, he said, “I guess we’ll just have to make some new memories in case I don’t get the old ones back. Or were you really going to break up with me before all of this?”

“No, there will be no breaking up of us by me – before the attack or in the foreseeable future,” Radek replied, pulling away from Evan and wiping his eyes. “I love you too much to do that.”

“And I hope you won’t mind helping me out until I remember how much I love you, will you?” Evan asked cautiously.

“Gladly,” Radek replied with a smile of his own.

“And just out of curiosity, you keep calling me ‘miláčku’. What does it mean?”

“It’s an endearment – it means ‘sweetheart’.”

Evan arrived a few minutes early to his appointment with Heightmeyer the next morning and plunked down on the couch across from her as she made a few notes on her legal-sized pad. He let out a sigh. “You’re probably going to kill us, but Radek told me some personal stuff,” he told her.

“We’ll see about that,” she replied calmly, her expression giving nothing away, as she folded her hands in her lap on top of her pad. “What exactly did he tell you?”

“That he and I were – are – in a relationship. A fairly long term relationship, from the sound of it, since we’ve been together for most of the time I’ve been here. Granted, the fact that I was in a relationship was a bit of a shock – it’s almost like finding out like I was married or something. And who knows – maybe for us out here, if you can make it that long, it kind of is like being married. But the whole gay part of it wasn’t a big deal. Like I told Radek, I knew about that since before I turned thirteen.” He leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and laced his hands together. “But I get the feeling that there is something else that’s being withheld from me and I’d like to know what that is. I’m a big boy – I can handle it. What are you trying to protect me from?”

“And what makes you think we’re trying to protect you from something?” Heightmeyer asked, her tone and expression giving nothing away. “There’s a time and a place for everything and we – we being Dr. Beckett, Dr. Weir, Colonel Sheppard, Dr. Zelenka and myself – decided to give you information on a need to know basis so that you weren’t overwhelmed without the benefit of personal growth to go with the information. You have changed since coming to Atlantis on a personal level, as well as dealing with things that most people can’t even begin to imagine. We wanted to make sure that you were doing well both physically and mentally before we started introducing the necessary information and changes back into your consciousness.”

“And if I started remembering something before one of you decides to tell me about it?” Evan asked carefully, willing to be mollified for the time being.

“Then we would do what we could to help you remember and support you along the way.” Drawing him back onto a previous point, she asked, “So what happened after Radek told you that the two of you are together? Based on your earlier statement, is it safe to assume that you still are?”

“We still are,” Evan replied with a nod. “And after he told me, I think he was more worried about how I’d react to the news that I was gay than that we were together. But I quickly disabused him of that. After that,” Evan shrugged, “we went back to my place and watched a movie, then he went home. It wasn’t much different than what we would’ve done if he hadn’t told me. I did feel like there was something else he was keeping from me, but I decided not to press it.”

Kate nodded as she made a note. “And are you okay with the fact that he told you?”

“Totally,” Evan replied, sitting back. “I’m glad he told me. When he did, I didn’t remember, but it felt right – like my subconscious knew that he was telling the truth, even if I couldn’t consciously remember it. Having this out in the open will help us get back to normal quicker and I’m sure that will, in turn, help me get my memories back quicker.”

“And how do you feel about the prospect of not getting them back? Two years of shared memories is a long time to not have.”

Evan shrugged. “Obviously, I’ll be at a disadvantage because we won’t be able to share those memories. But I’m willing to work through that, and move forward from this point and I get the feeling that Radek feels the same way.”

“And what if other obstacles were put in your way?” she asked.

Evan shrugged again. “Then we’ll get through them. I’ve gotten the idea that living out here has a lot of challenges and if we’ve weathered them – along with whatever’s been thrown at us from this expedition – for two years, we’ll be good. Because it does seem like all the important people know about us and since we’re still together, I take it it’s not that big of a deal?”

“Things have become more lax out here,” Heightmeyer agreed with a nod. “When we have things like the Wraith and an alien galaxy to contend with, it definitely puts things like who we love into perspective. Dr. Weir is very tolerant about it. As long as everyone remembers to follow the idea of ‘safe, sane, and consensual’, no one’s had any real problems.”

Evan nodded. He’d had a number of commanders like that. “So, what else do you need from me today, Doc?” he asked.

Heightmeyer asked him a couple more questions before releasing him with another appointment in two days.

As Evan left her office, he wracked his brain, trying to remember something – *anything* – from his two years with Radek – a touch, a kiss, a special meal. But he couldn’t remember even the smallest scrap, and that frustrated the hell out of him.

Without thinking, he turned and punched the wall with his right hand, immediately regretting it and shaking out the pain in his hand. He rested his head and hands against the wall and took a few deep breaths before his breath hitched lightly. Not only couldn’t he remember the little things, but he couldn’t remember the big things either – their anniversary, their first date, how they met, the first time they made love.

He sniffed and let out a ragged breath. He took another breath and let it out slowly, feeling a little steadier. On the third breath, he let out a soft sob and smacked the wall with the palm of his hand. Another sob came and another. He hated this. He hated not being able to remember things – important things, important personal things.

“Hey, are you okay?” someone – Smithson? he wasn’t sure – asked.

Evan nodded, then shook his head.

“Shh,” she told him, gently rubbing his back. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I can’t remember,” he mumbled. “There’s all this important stuff and I can’t remember any of it.”

“It’ll come back, just give it time,” she reassured him.

“That’s what everyone keeps saying,” he replied, sniffing and turning to her. “But what if it doesn’t? There’s so much that I’ve lost. That *we’ve* lost.”

“Then you’ll have to make new memories,” she told him and Evan was thankful she didn’t ask who the ‘we’ meant. “Want me to stay with you?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure what I want right now.”

“Come on,” she said, jerking her head in the direction she had been going. “Let’s go get a cup of coffee.”

“I doubt that’ll help anything,” Evan replied, but pushed himself away from the wall.

“What? You didn’t hear? They just found out that coffee fixes everything. I’m sure the scientists will love hearing that.” She smiled and Evan couldn’t help but join her.

He absently itched at the edge of his cast by his elbow. “I’ll be glad when I get this thing off. It’s driving me nuts.”

“Yeah, mine was the same way when I broke my leg,” Smithson commiserated. “It was a pain in the ass until Steve – he’s the younger of my partners – showed me how to unwrap a wire hanger and stick it underneath my cast to get at the hard-to-reach spots. Broken bones were a fact of life in his family between him, his siblings and their cousins. He’s said that they’re the ones responsible for any and all medical advances in orthopedics in the past fifteen years.”

Evan laughed. “Yeah, I had a couple cousins that way – if there was a scrape to get into, they were there. And I think my nephews are following in their footsteps.”

He felt himself relax as they walked along, grateful for Smithson’s company. It felt comfortable and reassuring. They rounded a corner and he saw a flash of something before his eyes. He squinted, but it was gone.

“See something?” she asked him.

“I, uh, I thought I did,” he told her as he looked around and then shook his head. “Déjà vu, I guess. I’ve been here for two years, I’m sure I’ve done a few things more than once.”

“It’s possible. Or,” her eyes widened and she grinned. “Maybe you’re getting your memory back. We usually come this way after training to grab some coffee.”

“Maybe,” he replied carefully. “We’ll have to see.”

But inside he wanted to shout for joy. It may really be nothing, but it was the first *something* he’d had since waking up in the infirmary. And even though Carson had cautioned him that it would take a while before things started coming back as his brain took time to heal, the waiting game was one he had never liked to play – even after all these years in the Air Force.

“Hey, maybe we can make a drinking game out of it,” she told him with a mischievous grin. “Every time you remember a place or an event – we take one drink, for a person – it’s two.” Her grin turned into a leer, “And if you remember something about you and Radek, we chug.”

“Yeah, that’s a really good idea – kill my remaining good brain cells while we’re trying to get the damaged ones back online.”

“I didn’t say you had to drink. The rest of us could drink as you tell us what you’ve remembered.”

Evan rolled his eyes as he got his coffee. “You’re insane.”

“That’s part of the reason why you picked me to be on your team,” she replied as she put sugar in hers.

“And have I ever threatened to kick you off of it?”

“Only about every other mission,” she replied with a laugh.

“Then consider yourself forewarned for the next time,” he told her with a chuckle of his own. He was enjoying their easy banter.

“Whatever you say, sir,” she replied, her eyes still laughing, and Evan got the weird feeling of déjà vu again. “Again?” she asked, curious.

“Yep,” he told her. “And, no, we’re not doing a drinking game as my memories come back.”

“What’s this about a drinking game?” Coughlin asked as he and Parrish joined them.

“Smitty here seems to think it would be a good idea for us to have a drinking game as I recover my memories,” Evan told them with a roll of his eyes.

“Are they starting to come back?” Parrish asked curiously.

“Just a couple of flashes so far,” Evan told him. “More like déjà vu than anything else.”

“Why can’t we have a drinking game?” Coughlin asked.

“Because it’s tacky,” Evan told him, starting to get exasperated. “Besides, they’re my memories and as your team leader, I’m ordering you not to do it.”

“That’s just wrong, sir. It’s just a bit of harmless fun.”

“Yeah, ‘harmless fun’ that’s destroying your brain cells as I’m regaining the use of mine. You all are creative people. Think of something else we could do instead.”

“When you’re exhorting them to be creative, I begin to fear what the alternative is,” Radek said as he joined them and grabbed his own cup of coffee.

“Do I have a homing beacon on me?” Evan asked in exasperation, but he smiled when Radek moved to stand next to him.

“Maybe you can talk some sense into him, Radek,” Coughlin said. “He’s not letting us have a drinking game as he regains his memories.”

Radek’s eyes widened as he looked at Evan. “You’ve had some memories come back?”

“Just some flashes,” Evan replied with a shake of his head. “Déjà vu’s more like it.”

“That’s fantastic!” Radek replied with a grin. “You should tell Carson and Dr. Heightmeyer right away. I’m sure they’ll want to know about this.”

“I’m sure they will too,” Evan told him, “but two maybe flashes isn’t much to go on yet. I have appointments with both of them day after tomorrow. I can tell them then, and maybe by then I’ll have some more stuff to tell them than just that I might have remembered something in a déjà vu sort of way.”

“That’s still great,” Radek replied. “I should get back to the labs – I really just needed to get away from Rodney for a few minutes.” He shook his head almost affectionately. “He’s always the worst when he comes back from being off-world. I think he thinks we’re going to deliberately sabotage the whole mission while he’s gone, and he makes sure we pay for what we *might* have been thinking when he gets back.” He patted Evan on the shoulder. “So, I’ll see you tonight – remember, my quarters. Come hungry.”

Evan nodded. “Yep, six pm sharp.”

There was some affectionate ribbing from his teammates after Radek left, but Evan gladly took it. “I think you’re all just taking advantage of me,” he told them as they finished.

“Damn right,” Parrish replied. “It’s not very often we get to do it.”

“I’m sure you all have places to be, though, don’t you?” he asked them with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, sir,” Coughlin and Smithson replied and Parrish gave him a jaunty two-fingered salute.

After they left, Evan wandered the halls of Atlantis aimlessly for a while, wanting to take in the city and get a feel for her again. He didn’t know why it felt right calling Atlantis a ‘her’ – it might have some AI properties, and he knew he had the gene that made it work, but it was still just a city. Though, something niggled at the back of his mind. No, it wasn’t just a city – it was also a ship. And, wow, that was really cool.

He didn’t remember anything else and finally went back to his quarters with a sigh so he could get ready for his date with Radek. He hoped tonight went well between the two of them. And now that his memories were starting to come back, maybe he’d be able to start remembering things from their relationship.

As he headed to Radek’s quarters, he became more and more nervous. What was he supposed to expect? What did they normally do when they were alone together? How regularly did they have sex? Would Radek expect it tonight, now that he was almost completely healed physically and his memories were starting to come back? Or would he want to wait and see until more of Evan’s memories came back? What did *he* himself want?

He fidgeted nervously outside of Radek’s door for a long moment before swiping his hand in front of the sensor and watching the door slide open. He cautiously stepped inside and felt rather than heard the door shut behind him.

“I’m back here, Evan,” Radek called. Evan followed his voice back to the little kitchenette where Radek was putting the finishing touches on dinner. Radek gave him a hungry once-over, taking in Evan’s jeans, button-down green shirt and sneakers and Evan blushed. “I’ve always liked that outfit,” Radek told him. “Dinner’s ready.” He handed Evan a plate and led him to the small table tucked in one corner.

“You, um, you look good too,” Evan told Radek nervously as they set their plates down, taking in his dark loafers, black pants, and navy blue sweater and his hair had been tamed.

Radek smiled encouragingly at him. “Thank you. And I’ve been remiss.” He leaned in and captured Evan’s mouth with his own and placed a light, chaste kiss on it. “Hello, Evan.”

“Hi,” Evan replied with a nervous smile, surprised at the wave of electricity that had gone through him at such a light kiss. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I just – I just don’t know what we normally do and I don’t want to do anything wrong and –”

“I know,” Radek replied, cutting him off as he gently rubbed his upper arm in reassurance. “You’re doing just fine and you *will* do just fine. Yes, like every other couple, we have our ‘thing’, but don’t worry. There’s no way you could do anything wrong. So *relax* and enjoy yourself.”

“Okay,” Evan replied with a nod and they sat down.

“Have you remembered anything else?” Radek asked.

“I remembered that Atlantis is a ship,” Evan replied. “Which is really cool.”

“It is,” Radek replied with a grin. “This city is amazing in so many ways and we’ve made so many discoveries during our time here. Now, eat. I slaved over that stove all evening.”

Evan laughed as he did what he was told. The simple pasta dish was delicious and they talked while they ate about everything and nothing. Radek told him stories about things that had happened in the labs and talked about some of the projects he was working on. Evan told him about some of his old SGC missions. If he had heard them before, Radek was gracious and let Evan tell them again. By the time the meal had finished, Evan felt much more at ease.

Once they had cleaned up, Evan hooked his fingers in his pockets and asked, “Okay, so now what?”

Radek shrugged. “What do you feel like doing? We could watch a movie or play a game or go out and be sociable or any of a number of things.”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. I just want to be with you.”

Radek smiled fondly. “I agree. Then let’s stay in.” He took Evan’s good hand and pulled him over to the couch. “May I kiss you again?” he asked.

“I doubt you have to ask, if we’ve been together for two years,” Evan replied with a chuckle as his stomach did an expectant flip.

“I know, but I didn’t want to catch you by surprise. I don’t know –” He broke off and looked at Evan intently. “What are your expectations for tonight, Evan?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. I didn’t have any, since I didn’t know what to expect.”

Radek shook his head fondly. “Even without your memory, there is no doubt that you are still you. May I kiss you and touch you for a while? I’ve missed being able to do so. You can determine what we do and don’t do.”

“Sure,” Evan replied, suddenly wanting to touch Radek very much.

They sat down facing each other, and after a few shy smiles on both of their parts, Radek made the first move. He leaned in and captured Evan’s mouth with the same gentleness he had earlier. Only, this time he deepened the kiss and ravished Evan’s lips hungrily. Evan responded tentatively at first before surrendering and kissing him back just as hungrily. He carefully ran a hand up Radek’s arm and cupped the back of Radek’s neck, holding him in place as Radek’s tongue delved into his mouth, and Evan moaned softly.

Radek’s hands carefully caressed Evan’s chest and arms through his shirt. When his fingers reached Evan’s top button, he paused and pulled back. “May I?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” Evan whispered, wanting to feel Radek’s fingers on his bare skin.

Radek reclaimed Evan’s mouth as he began slowly unbuttoning Evan’s shirt, pulling it out of Evan’s jeans when he reached his waistband. Radek pushed the shirt open and off his shoulders, but it caught on Evan’s cast and the crook of his elbow, decreasing his arms’ mobility.

“So beautiful,” Radek murmured in Evan’s ear before slowly kissing down his neck and Evan felt his whole body tingle from that one point of contact.

Evan ran a hand under the hem of Radek’s sweater, loving the feel of soft skin under his fingertips. He was surprised when his hand stopped, the movement impeded by his shirt. He looked down at his shirt, blinking as he tried to process what was stopping him. After a moment, he realized what it was, but for some unexplainable reason, he wished it was something else that was holding him back, but he couldn’t explain what or why.

Sensing something was amiss; Radek pulled back and asked, “Is everything all right? Did you remember something?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” Evan replied, swallowing. “And, no, I didn’t remember anything. I was just confused for a second there.” He took that opportunity to pull his shirt completely off and threw it on the floor. “Now, if I’m going to be bare-chested, I think you need to be too,” he told Radek with a smile as he grabbed the hem of Radek’s sweater and pulled it over his head before Radek had a chance to stop him, dumping it on top of his shirt as Radek readjusted his glasses. “That’s much better,” he said, turning back to Radek and pulling him into his lap, Radek’s hands coming up to rest on Evan’s shoulders and gently stroking them. “Now,” he murmured against Radek’s mouth, “where were we?”

Radek kissed him lightly on the lips then trailed kisses along his jaw to his ear. “I think I was about here,” he breathed into Evan’s ear, sending shivers down Evan’s spine, before he kissed just below Evan’s ear and down his neck to suckle Evan’s pulse point.

Evan moaned softly and burrowed his nose in Radek’s shoulder, inhaling his scent and letting it ground him, before he began trailing light kisses along Radek’s shoulder to his neck and up to his earlobe as his hands gently trailed up and down Radek’s back. He gently nipped at it before lightly sucking on it.

Radek groaned and gently rocked forward, and Evan’s hands instinctively went to Radek’s hips to steady him. Evan felt Radek’s partial erection press against him, and he reached between them with his good hand and ran his fingers lightly over the bulge in Radek’s pants, feeling it harden as he did so. Radek stopped kissing Evan’s neck as he concentrated on pressing against Evan’s hand. The look of pleasure on Radek’s face sent tingles through Evan’s body that finally pooled in his groin.

After a moment, Radek pulled back so he could look Evan more fully in the eyes. “Keep doing that only if you’re certain you want to completely follow through with it.”

“Or?” Evan asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I may not be responsible for my actions?” Radek replied lightly as he cupped Evan’s face with his hands and gently brushed his thumbs over Evan’s cheeks. “But, seriously, either we stop here or we keep going all the way. It’s up to you.”

“I want to keep going,” Evan told him, the hand on Radek’s hip tightening slightly, trying to pull him closer. “I may not remember everything you do and don’t like, but I want you.” He rubbed his hand over the bulge beneath it and gave Radek a cheeky grin. “And you obviously want me.”

Radek nodded and his breathing became shallower. Bracing himself with one hand on the back of the couch and letting the other one fall to his side, he commanded, “Open my pants and take my cock out.”

Evan deftly opened Radek’s fly and pushed his pants and underwear down enough so they’d be out of the way, carefully extricating Radek’s cock and balls along the way. He couldn’t help looking hungrily at the hard member that was curving up towards Radek’s stomach now that it was free of its confines, the tip glistening. Without further command, his hands automatically went back to Radek’s hips, and Evan enjoyed the feel of skin beneath them. Looking up, he saw Radek was looking at him intently, gaze full of desire. The look of pure lust and want took Evan’s breath away.

“Jack me off,” Radek ordered Evan.

Without breaking their gaze, Evan reached between them and wrapped his right hand around the base of Radek’s straining cock. With firm, sure strokes, he began moving his hand up and down the length of Radek’s erection, reveling in the feel of the hot, hard shaft beneath his fingers and palm. On one upstroke, Evan swabbed the pad of his thumb over the head of Radek’s cock and Radek shuddered. On the next upstroke, Evan played with the tip, running his fingers all over and under it, learning all its contours. As he did so, Radek’s breathing turned into short pants, and he mewled in the back of his throat.

“Please,” Radek whimpered.

“Please what?” Evan teased as he went back to stroking.

“Please –.” Radek’s breath hitched and he froze, semen gushing out and over Evan’s hand. With a lusty gleam in his eyes once he was finished and had pulled himself together, Radek took Evan’s hand and lasciviously licked it clean, making Evan suddenly and painfully aware of the ache in his own cock.

Radek grinned and, after kissing Evan deeply, slid down to kneel on the floor between Evan’s legs. He gave Evan a wolfish grin as he opened Evan’s pants and, with a touch to Evan’s hip for him to lift up, pulled his pants and boxers down to join his shoes. Evan looked from his hard cock, sticking straight out from his body, to Radek’s face, which bore a look of total desire, and his cock twitched in anticipation. He didn’t need memories to know what was going to happen next.

Radek glanced up at Evan and grinned before placing a hand on each of Evan’s thighs and pressing down as he took Evan’s cock in his mouth. He played with the tip of Evan’s cock, licking it and sucking it, and Evan tried to thrust into Radek’s perfect mouth, but Radek’s hands kept him in place. Evan watched Radek take him all the way inside his mouth as he deep-throated him, sucking and licking and using the barest hint of teeth as he went, before slowly releasing him only to do it again and again. Evan moaned softly, trying to be quiet as Radek slowly tortured him with his mouth. Soon, his focus was solely on his cock and what Radek was doing to it with his talented mouth. His breathing hitched and he let out a soft sigh. Radek lightly licked along the underside of the head of Evan’s cock and Evan gasped.

Radek released Evan’s cock and commanded, “Come for me,” before taking him back in his mouth and focusing on playing with the head of Evan’s cock.

Evan felt himself hurling towards the edge of orgasm, and as he tensed up, began murmuring, “I’m coming, I’m coming, oh God, Radek, I’m coming.”

Radek easily swallowed Evan’s come and licked his cock clean once he was done. Evan relaxed bonelessly back against the couch. Radek stood and carefully straddled Evan’s lap as he settled back into Evan’s embrace, their cocks gently rubbing together.

“Mmm,” Evan said with a smile as the feel of Radek’s cock against his own sensitized penis sent ripples of pleasure through him.

“I quite agree,” Radek replied with a smile of his own. He stole a quick kiss. “Next time, though, don’t feel like you have to hold back. Normally, you’re quite vocal.”

“And I take it that you’re quite fond of that?” Evan asked, amused.

“*Very* fond,” Radek replied with a grin. After they rested in each other’s arms for a few moments, Radek said, “Come, let’s go to bed. It’ll be much more comfortable there.”

“You couldn’t think of that *before*?” Evan asked, arching an eyebrow.

“I didn’t hear you complaining earlier,” Radek shot back.

“Okay, okay,” Evan replied. “Bed, now, good.” He shifted forward slightly and captured Radek’s mouth in another deep kiss and gently rolled his hips into Radek’s.

Radek laughed into Evan’s mouth before breaking off the kiss. “Maybe later. Neither of us is a teenager any longer.”

“Nope, but it still feels good.”

Radek stood and stripped off the rest of his clothes, and Evan took a moment to admire him. Radek wouldn’t necessarily be considered classically handsome, but he had bookish good looks. And his lithe body was sturdier than one would expect at first glance, and his long, thin cock was nestled in a bed of sandy, curly hair. With a sudden wave of desire, Evan couldn’t wait until Radek would fuck him. He looked up to see an amused and indulgent smile on Radek’s face.

“I’m glad you still like what you see,” he commented. “Now, come on.” He held out a hand and beckoned with his fingers.

Evan stood and toed off his shoes and socks, then kicked off his pants. He stood there so Radek could look him over. He knew what he looked like – All-American good looks, compact body, and thick, blunt cock framed by sparse and wiry curls. He blushed a little at the scrutiny and forced himself to stand tall and not try to cover himself up, even after what they had just done. Regardless of how good-looking people thought he was, he had never been comfortable in his own skin.

“You’re exquisite,” Radek told him, closing the distance between them. “And as I promised you when we first got together – I’ll help you feel more comfortable in your own skin. Seeing you at that point is an amazing thing.”

He cupped Evan’s face with his hands and kissed him tenderly. Evan melted into the kiss and against Radek’s body, his hands coming to rest on Radek’s hips, and he enjoyed the feeling of Radek’s body pressed against his, warm and reassuring, and they way they fit together perfectly.

Finally breaking off the kiss, Radek took Evan’s hand and, with a light tug on it, said, “Come. I want to touch you for a while.”

“And what would you call what we were just doing?” Evan asked.

“Getting reacquainted,” Radek dead-panned, and after a moment they both laughed.

Radek led Evan into the bedroom and, after pulling down the comforter and sheet on the bed, crawled in and settled on his side, supporting himself on his elbow. Evan looked at him, and his breath caught at how stunning Radek looked lying there, so nonchalant and seemingly unaware of what he was doing to Evan.

Radek rolled his eyes. “As flattering as the attention is,” he said, breaking Evan’s train of thought, “I’d much rather have you in bed with me and doing something deliciously naughty than just looking at me from where you’re standing.”

Evan blushed again and crawled into bed with him. “Better?” he asked.

“Very much,” Radek replied with a smile before leaning in to catch Evan’s mouth in a light, languid kiss that was as sweet as honey and warmed Evan from the inside out.

Then Radek moved forward, forcing Evan to roll onto his back, and straddled him. Gently pinning Evan’s hands above his head, Radek plundered Evan’s mouth hungrily and Evan arched up into the kiss, loving being able to surrender to Radek. Radek broke the kiss and Evan sighed disappointedly. Radek placed light kisses along Evan’s jaw and down his neck, not lingering for long at any one spot. When he kissed the hollow of Evan’s throat, Evan let out a noise that was part sigh and part pleading whimper and Radek chuckled softly against his skin, the warm puffs of air causing Evan’s skin to tingle. Radek ran his hands slowly down Evan’s arms, releasing them as he repositioned himself more directly over Evan.

“Keep your arms where they are,” he whispered in Evan’s ear. Evan nodded, not trusting his voice, before turning his head and landing a kiss on Radek’s cheek.

Radek smiled at the effort and bestowed a light kiss on Evan’s mouth in response before returning his attention to the task of reacquainting himself with the rest of Evan’s body. His hands and mouth roamed over every inch of Evan’s body with an ethereal touch and while Evan tried to concentrate on what Radek was doing to him so he could reciprocate, Radek knew exactly how to keep him just off-balance and not let him concentrate. 

Evan was bowled over at the attention Radek was lavishing on him – as if he was the most precious and rarest gem in the universe. There was no way he could now doubt Radek’s love for him and that Radek had been speaking the truth all along. And Evan did his best to do as Radek had told him and let himself be as vocal as he had always wanted to be but years of military training had forced him to suppress, and it felt good to do so. He groaned each time Radek’s mouth captured a nipple and sucked it into a tight nub before releasing it and sighed when Radek’s hands swept gently up and down the sides of his torso and hips with a feather-light touch. He moaned when Radek’s tongue dipped inside his belly button before Radek sucked on the scar just to the right of it. He arched his hips in supplication when Radek nuzzled his cock and balls and then lightly kissed his way down its flaccid length. Radek chuckled as he placed a loving kiss on the tip, but kept going. He swept his hands down both of Evan’s legs and feet and placed a kiss on the inside of each of Evan’s kneecaps and the arches of Evan’s feet.

When he finished, Radek settled back on his knees, giving Evan an assessing look, and Evan looked at him expectantly, desirously – wanting very much to reciprocate and then move on to a whole host of other glorious things.

“Please,” he finally whispered when Radek didn’t move or say anything for several moments.

“Please what?” Radek replied.

“Please let me do the same to you.” Evan hoped the pleading desire wasn’t too evident in his voice.

“Okay,” Radek replied. He laid down on his back next to Evan, the whole time careful not to let their bodies touch.

Evan straddled Radek, but instead of holding him down, simply supported himself with hands on either side of Radek’s shoulders as he leaned down to kiss Radek lightly on the mouth before moving along to touch him. As he kissed and touched his way down Radek’s arms to his hands and then back up and across his shoulders before turning and moving down along Radek’s torso, he carefully catalogued all of Radek’s scars, freckles, and slight imperfections that made him even more perfect in Evan’s eyes. Radek was quieter than Evan and at first that threw Evan off a little, but he was quickly able to decipher Radek’s other clues – a small hitch in his breathing, the slightest arch in his body towards Evan’s mouth or hands, the way his hands clenched the sheet beneath them. When he reached Radek’s cock and balls, Evan couldn’t help but follow Radek’s example. He nuzzled them before kissing his way down the length, and he felt Radek’s cock twitch beneath his mouth. It took a considerable amount of strength to not take the tip into his mouth and suck Radek off. He continued down Radek’s legs, kissing more of both of them than Radek had, but also to help ground himself again. When he was done, he knelt back on his heels and put his hands on his thighs as he waited for Radek.

Radek was quiet for a while, staring at him dazedly, with a happy smile on his face. Normally always restless, Evan found that his mind had quieted down and felt a bone-deep calm that wasn’t normally there. Finally, Radek said quietly, “If you feel up to it, I’d like to fuck you.”

Evan wanted to shout “Yes!” and throw himself at Radek, but instead forced himself to nod and say, “Yes,” in a much more dignified manner.

“There’s some lube in the nightstand drawer, there,” Radek told him, indicating the one on his left. “Get it for me.”

Evan did as he was told, crawling over to the side of the bed, and retrieved the bottle, and as he handed it over to Radek, he asked, “How do you want me?”

Radek sat up and said, “I want you to ride me. But for me to prep you, I want you on your hands and knees over my legs with your ass towards me.”

Evan quickly did as he was told and hoped his eagerness wasn’t out of character for what Radek was used to. Radek didn’t say anything as Evan settled into position and Evan heard the pop of the cap. As soon as he was in place, Radek gently stroked a lube finger over Evan’s ass crack before gently drawing one cheek aside to expose the puckered hole between them. He gently ran a finger over the opening and Evan shuddered and closed his eyes. Radek gently pressed the finger into Evan’s hole and Evan forced himself to remain relaxed until the finger had breached him. Once it had, Radek paused to give Evan time to adjust and gently stroked his ass cheek. Evan dropped his head and concentrated on his breathing for a moment.

Then Radek began shallowly thrusting his finger in and out of Evan, each time going a little deeper. Evan debated for a split second staying still, but quickly decided against it in favor of pressing back and meeting each of Radek’s thrusts. Radek grunted appreciatively before pulling out, and Evan whimpered plaintively. A second later, two fingers were pushing inside of him. Evan moaned this time and pressed back against them, forcing them in farther. Radek thrust in and out of him, alternating between scissoring his fingers and brushing against Evan’s prostate. As Radek prepared him, Evan slowly gave himself over to the desire that was washing over him. He moaned almost continuously as Radek slowly finger-fucked him, and he reciprocated as best he could, his brain unable to form coherent thoughts with the continuous pleasure coming from his prostate and the feeling of something filling him. He felt the tip of his own cock brush against his stomach as Radek added a third finger. He began mumbling and pleading for Radek to just fuck him already and that he was ready, but Radek kept up the steady pace, always keeping him just away from the edge of coming.

Radek finally pulled his fingers out and Evan mewled plaintively. “I want you to put lube on me,” he told Evan.

Evan turned and saw Radek’s erection jutting out from his body and almost came at the sight before finally focusing on the bottle that Radek was holding out for him. Evan took it and placed a generous amount in his palm before tossing the bottle aside and wrapping his hand around Radek’s cock. He stroked Radek firmly and quickly, watching Radek’s eyes flutter closed and his breathing become shallower as he hardened even more, and Evan felt his own cock twitch at that. When Evan was done, he wiped the excess lube on the sheets and Radek scooted down the bed. Evan straddled Radek’s hips and felt Radek’s cock brush against his ass. His cock twitched again and Radek grinned. Radek parted Evan’s ass cheeks and guided him down so his hole was lined up with tip of Radek’s cock. Evan pressed down and felt the tip breach the outer muscle and paused for a moment to let his body acclimate itself to the intrusion. Then he pushed himself all the way down, easily taking Radek’s cock.

Once Evan was fully seated on Radek’s cock, Radek’s hands came up to lightly stroke his hips and Evan covered Radek’s hands with his own. Evan paused for a moment so they could both acclimate themselves to the sensation. Then Evan began riding Radek. He steadily fucked himself on Radek’s cock, adjusting his position so Radek’s cock brushed his prostate on each pass. His eyes drifted closed in pleasure, and he heard Radek groan as he tightened his muscles around Radek’s cock and felt Radek thrust up into him. Evan was so close to coming, but he couldn’t push himself over the edge. He looked down and saw Radek staring up at him, naked lust and desire in his gaze as he watched Evan enjoy himself. When Radek looked down at Evan’s cock and his gaze turned hungry, Evan felt his cock tighten even more.

“Bring yourself off,” Radek commanded him.

Evan took hold of his cock and began stroking himself as he watched Radek watching him with a hungry look. He could feel everything zeroing in as his hand moved up and down along his hard shaft. Radek shifted unexpectedly and his cock brushed Evan’s prostate, and Evan was coming hard and fast over his hand and his stomach. Radek followed him a second later, pouring into Evan.

Evan gently pulled himself off of Radek and settled on the bed next to him. Radek covered them both, and Evan settled himself in Radek’s arms, his back against Radek’s chest. He covered Radek’s arms with his own, and Radek pressed a kiss to Evan’s neck. With a smile on his face and more contented than he had been in a long time, Evan fell asleep.

When he awoke, soft light was coming in from the windows. Startled and disoriented, he quickly sat up and looked around.

“Co je nesprávný?” Radek asked sleepily. “What’s wrong?”

Realizing where he was, Evan breathed a sigh of relief. “Nothing’s wrong,” he told Radek softly as he settled back down in bed and easily went back into Radek’s arms, this time facing him. “I just forgot where I was for a second there.”

“How do you feel?” Radek asked.

“Great,” Evan replied, leaning in to steal a kiss. “How about you?”

Radek smiled. “Very good.” He sighed as he looked at the clock. “As much as I’d love to stay in bed indefinitely, we need to get up and get to work. Or, at the very least, I do.” He stole a kiss from Evan before getting out of bed.

Evan watched Radek walk into the bathroom seemingly unaware of the effect he had on Evan. Evan rolled onto his back and let out a sigh. How the hell did he manage to capture someone as amazing as Radek Zelenka? He really had no idea how he could have done it, let alone keep him for two years and inspire enough love that Radek would be willing to stay with him through the accident and after they learned he had amnesia.

He wished he could tell Radek how grateful he was for his love, support, and friendship over the past week, as well as the past two years. He had never been good at relationships. He had always been restless – always looking for something he didn’t have and didn’t know for sure what it was. There had been times when he’d thought he’d found it – like with the domineering linebacker in college – but he’d never been able to find someone that made him feel the way Radek did.

Evan lazed in bed as he listened to Radek moving about in the bathroom. When Radek came back out, fully dressed and ready for work, he approached the bed and leaned in to give him a kiss. Evan grabbed his shirt and pulled him down onto the bed. Radek went down with a squawk, and Evan laughed as he pulled Radek close.

“Have a good day at work,” Evan told Radek before kissing him deeply.

“You too,” Radek replied, reluctantly getting up and straightening his shirt. “I’ll see you later.”

Evan’s life started to fit into a routine. John helped him get up to speed on the intricacies of his job as the second-in-command of the military side of the expedition. Not that it was a hard job. He primarily took care of training schedules, the armory, and making sure the necessary supplies were ordered from Earth. He also helped John in putting together Gate Teams from time to time and working out any kinks in team rotations if John couldn’t figure them out. He also started doing light training himself to keep in shape and relearn the knowledge he had lost. And while wearing the cast was frustrating, it was invigorating to be more active again.

He also spent as much time as he could with Radek. They balanced their time fairly evenly between ‘alone time’ and ‘socializing time’ and Evan enjoyed every minute of it regardless of what they were doing. The team teased them about it relentlessly, but Evan honestly didn’t care what they, or anyone else, thought and usually retaliated with stuff of his own.

“Are you all right, miláčku?” Radek asked, breaking Evan out of his reverie one afternoon as he joined him on a balcony.

“Um, yeah,” Evan replied, shaking off the rest of his daydream. “I was just –.” He paused and waved his hand at the expanse of water before them. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Was there….” He paused again, not sure how to say it. He glanced at Radek’s patiently expectant face. “I think I remembered something. When we, when we met… there was some sort of crisis wasn’t there? The Wraith had attacked and we – well, the Daedalus – had arrived just in time, didn’t it?”

Radek didn’t say anything, but Evan noticed that his grip on the balcony had tightened so his knuckles were white and his eyes were a bit brighter than when he had first joined Evan. Evan looked back out over the water so he could finish.

“And as we were being appraised of the situation as we were coming in, I remember thinking that wow, I had made the right decision coming out here and that I was going to be a part of something really special because if this scrappy little expedition that no one had really expected to survive could hold off the *Wraith*, then we were going to do some great things. And then things got crazier than I had ever experienced with the Goa’uld, and I got a taste of what you guys had been going through for the previous few days and of what was the status quo here.”

Evan took a breath and slowly let it out. “And then once the crisis was over,” they both laughed at his choice of words, as if a massive Wraith attack could be construed as something so mundane, “I was told to report to the infirmary for my first physical, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.” He smiled fondly. “And I remember you and McKay were strapped into adjacent infirmary beds, and he was yelling at Carson to let you both go and that you had things you needed to do, and Carson was yelling back that he wasn’t going to let either of you go until most of the uppers had cleared out of your systems and you’d both gotten at least one good night’s sleep. And you tried, ineffectually, to tell Rodney to shut up before cursing at him in Czech and rolling your eyes at him in exasperation. That’s when our eyes met and you smiled at me and shrugged, as if to say, ‘what can you do?’ After Carson was done with my physical, he introduced the three of us and Rodney made some sort of derogatory remark about me and I immediately returned the favor and you laughed. Then Carson shooed me out, saying he had work to do and that you two need to rest.”

Radek nodded slowly. “I remember that day quite clearly, though right after you left, I crashed for about 48 hours, or something like that, and didn’t see you for another three days after that. And I remember thinking as you left the infirmary that you were perfect and that you were going to be unequivocally straight, but that I was going to have to try anyway.”

Evan laughed. “And that’s when you started seducing me.”

“I did not seduce you!” Radek shot back, indignantly. “I merely bided my time and played my cards right. And I was right on one count – you are perfect and more than I was ever hoping to find in a partner.”

“Well, whatever you did, I’m glad that you did it.” Evan blushed slightly as he covered Radek’s hand with his own. “Because if the past few weeks have been any indication of the past two years, it’s been an amazing thing.”

From that point on, Evan’s memories started to come back more regularly, if in a disorganized fashion, and he shared most of them with Heightmeyer, who listened as he worked them out verbally and helped him put them into a context and file them away. But, through it all, from the way Radek would look whenever Evan shared another recalled memory with him, Evan could tell that something was missing.

When the time came for Evan’s cast to come off, Radek went with him.

“As much as I appreciate this, I don’t need a babysitter,” Evan told him. “I know you’re busy in the labs.”

Radek shrugged. “I am, but I’d rather be with you. Besides, it’s good to get away from Rodney for a little while.”

“You know, I’m surprised none of you have outright hauled off and hit him,” Evan said as they entered the infirmary.

“Eh, it does happen from time to time, especially from the new people, but those of us who have been around for a while know better than to try it because he could make our lives more of a living hell, even though he really is not that petty. Besides, I know it may seem incongruous, but somehow Rodney makes us all strive harder, and the breakthroughs and discoveries that have come out of that have been astounding.”

Evan smiled fondly. “I know – I’ve seen you guys. ‘Magic in the real world’ – is that how Svensen puts it?”

“Something like that,” Radek replied with a chuckle.

“Are you ready to get that cast off?” Carson asked Evan, taking the pause in the conversation.

“I’ve been ready, Doc,” Evan replied with a grin. “But you’ve got to admit, there’s something loopy about having all of this Ancient tech, and I still get a plaster cast.”

Carson chuckled. “There is something a bit daft about that, isn’t there? I’m sure that one day we’ll figure out how to deal with a broken bone using Ancient technology, but until then, we’re going to stick to the tried and true methods.”

Radek leaned in and whispered in Evan’s ear, “Voodoo,” and both men started laughing. Carson quirked an eyebrow at them, and Evan waved him off. “I’m ready, Doc.”

Carson had Evan sit on one of the exam tables and Radek help steady Evan’s arm as he used a small saw to cut open the cast. When he carefully pulled it off, Evan stared down at his arm – which was paler than normal and looked smaller. After carefully checking the arm with his fingers, Carson checked Evan’s range of motion with his elbow and wrist, the grip of his hand, and his fingers’ mobility.

Satisfied, Carson said, “Everything looks good and you’re free to go. I will admonish you to still be careful and don’t strain it too much right away, but light exercise will do it good and help it get back on track.” Before Evan hopped off the bed, he heard Carson murmur to Radek, “And don’t think this means you get free reign now either.”

Radek rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Regardless of what Rodney says and seems to believe, I’m not stupid. It’ll come in due time.”

Evan took that opportunity to get up. “Thanks, Carson. I hope you won’t take it personally if I decide not to come around for a while.”

Carson smiled and said, “Believe me, lad, I’ll consider it high praise if I don’t see you until it’s time for your regular physical.”

As they left, Evan said, “I’ve got an appointment with Heightmeyer now, so I’ll see you later.”

Radek nodded as he glanced up and down the deserted hallway. “I’ll see you for dinner.” He leaned in and quickly kissed Evan on the lips. Evan chased his lips as Radek pulled away to let it linger a little longer. They both grinned and Radek said, “Go, or I have a feeling neither of us will be doing anything publicly productive today.”

Evan leered at him as he started walking backwards. “I’ll hold you to that tonight, though.”

Radek shook his head in mock exasperation. “I hope you will,” he replied, before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

Evan stopped for a moment so he could admire Radek’s ass before turning and heading to Heightmeyer’s office. Once there, he sank onto the couch with a sigh.

“Is everything all right?” she asked, her gaze flicking to his now bare arm, before settling on his face.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he said, holding his arm up triumphantly and showing it off. “Carson’s given me the all clear, and it sounds like I’m as good as new.” Anticipating what she was going to say next, he continued, “So, obviously, you’re going to say that it must be something else and ask me what it is. The truth is, I don’t know what it is. Obviously, I’m well on my way to getting all my memories back, and the holes are slowly filling in and that’s great. But I get the feeling that there’s something missing. Something big. Things with Radek are great, but there are times when I know I get close to something but it’s still out there in the ether and he wants so badly for me to remember, but I can’t. It’s like it was in the beginning – when I couldn’t remember that we were together – so I’m guessing that it’s something integral to our relationship.” He sighed again and looked down at his hands in his lap. “And I don’t want to let him down. I really, really don’t.”

“Has he expressed any dissatisfaction with the way things are now?” Heightmeyer asked.

Evan shook his head. “Nope. But I get the impression that right now he’s honestly just happy that I’m okay and believes that, while things are going excruciatingly slowly, that one day everything will be back the way it should be, and that this whole thing will be just a bump in the road and another experience of living in the Pegasus galaxy.” He picked at a thread on the hem of his t-shirt. “I want to ask him about it, though, but I don’t know how he’ll react. I think partly because it has to do with our,” he blushed slightly, “with our sex life.”

“Are you happy with your sex life?” she asked him as she made a note.

“Ecstatic,” Evan replied honestly. “But if it wasn’t doing it for Radek, I would hope he’d feel comfortable enough to tell me so we could make the necessary changes so it’d be great for both of us.” He played with the thread some more, worrying a little more of it free of its stitching. Heightmeyer didn’t say anything and Evan found the silence comfortable as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it. “There are times,” he started slowly, “a lot of times – most of the time, actually – when we’re intimate, where he’ll take charge.” He glanced up at Heightmeyer and saw that her expression was neutral and he wasn’t sure if that was a comfort or not. He glanced back down at his shirt. “And I like it – a lot. It’s, well, it’s…” he blew out a breath and looked out the window, but the ocean and the sky offered no answers. “It’s all verbal stuff – ‘do this’, ‘wait until I tell you’, ‘don’t do that’. None of the commands have been impossible or insane and they’ve actually made the sex *really* good – incredibly good.” His eyes flicked back up to hers. “But I have a feeling he wants more.”

“And what do you want?” Heightmeyer encouraged.

“I want….” Evan trailed off and thought for a moment. The words that had never been his strong point remained elusive. “I want it too, I think.”

A memory slipped in of a night at a club while on leave in Colorado years ago, where there had been dancing and expectations and desire. He had gone home with a guy that night and had spent the rest of the weekend in his bed doing things that very few people would even consider, let alone give voice to or act upon, and it had been one of the most glorious weekends of his life.

He came out of his memory to find Heightmeyer looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue, but she didn’t prompt him. He gave her a shy smile. “You’re going to tell me I should tell Radek, aren’t you?”

“Do you want me to tell you that?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Evan replied with a one shoulder shrug. “Maybe? Maybe I’m not ready and he knows that and he’s going to deny me anyway until he thinks I’m ready. Maybe I’m misreading the cues all together and taking what I want from them.” He growled softly and punched the seat of the couch with his right hand. “I don’t want to mess this up. Radek’s the best thing that’s happened to me relationship-wise ever and I don’t want to screw it up because I assumed one thing and found it was another.”

“But you won’t know for sure until you talk to him,” she gently pushed. “The biggest problem that comes between people in a relationship is the issue of trust – one person doesn’t trust the other enough to give them or take from them what they need or to help them through a personal crisis.” She studied him for a long moment, in which Evan went back to picking at the loose string. “May I ask you a personal question?” she asked and he nodded, almost expecting what she was going to ask him. “Do you self-identify as someone who is sexually submissive?”

That hit the nail on the head and Evan glanced up at her, meeting her gaze. “Yes,” he told her. He licked his lips before continuing, “I’m not into all the heavy stuff – all the whips and chains and heavy leather – but I like being told what to do and I like being tied up. It’s, um…. I’ve known that for a while. I’ve tried to not let it be an imperative in relationships,” he let out a harsh laugh, “given my career path and the way society is as a whole, but I’ve enjoyed it a lot when I’ve gotten the chance to enjoy it. I don’t,” he let out a breath and glanced away from Heightmeyer before glancing back and continuing, “I doubt that I would be able to have it now – especially given our situation here and my position in the expedition. I wouldn’t do something that stupid to risk what I’ve got for a few good nights of getting my rocks off, even provided I could find someone with whom I could match up with. I’m sure statistics would agree with me.”

“I’m sure they would,” she agreed with a reassuring smile before making a couple more notes. “But, as I’m sure you know, this expedition is anything but ordinary. I will *suggest* you take some time and think about what you’ve told me about the situation of your relationship with Radek and also of who you are, personally. If you feel comfortable enough to broach the subject with him, then feel free, but I wouldn’t force the issue if you have even the slightest reservation about doing so.” She made another note. “And I’d like to work on integrating that part of yourself more fully into who you are.” She smiled kindly at him to ease the trepidation that was building inside of him. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to make it a primary factor of who you are, but based on what you’ve told me since the accident, and even before it, this is a part of who you are and I think that, like you said, because of what you do it’s been shunted to the side for so long that it might be doing you more harm than good at this point and I simply want to help you integrate it so that it helps you become a healthier person.”

“Okay,” Evan replied slowly. He picked at his shirt some more before creasing his brow and finally replying, “I don’t know how to respond to that. I, uh, I hear what you’re saying and I know that I should be agreeing because healthy is always good and preferable, but I just,” he looked up at her, “I’ve been this way, well not *this way*,” he gestured at his head, “but you know what I mean. I’ve been dealing with this for so long this way that to have another option seems more alien to me than maybe even the Wraith.”

Heightmeyer gave him a reassuring smile. “I understand. We’ll continue this during our next appointment and we’ll take it from there. There’s no special prize for doing this quickly, so we’ll take our time and consider everything from as many angles as possible and tailor a course for you that would be the most beneficial.”

Evan nodded as he stood. “Thanks, Doc. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you in a few days, then.”

“I look forward to it,” she replied with a nod.

Evan left her office and headed to the West Pier. His insides felt like a jumble of emotions and thoughts and he had no idea where to even start picking them apart and organizing them. He had to admit, it had felt good to open up to someone that expected nothing of him and admit to the secret that he’d been carrying for years. But now that it was out in the open, even to someone that wouldn’t lightly betray his confidence, it was odd to know that he had made someone a coconspirator in a very private part of his life that could have massive consequences in other parts of his life if it was handled incorrectly.

When he reached the pier, Evan sat on the side and let his feet and legs dangle over the edge. He stared out over the water for a long time, taking it all in but seeing nothing. He wanted…. He wasn’t sure what he wanted. He wanted to be greedy for once and have it all – a spectacular posting (though only a select few would see it that way and maybe it was better that way), a great commanding officer (again, only a select few would see that he was and that was a damn shame), a loving boyfriend/partner/soul mate and someone who just might share the same tendencies he did. But he knew that getting all of those things would be next to impossible and he was immensely thankful that he nailed three of those things. And if he was misreading the cues that Radek was giving him (because, really three out of four was damn lucky – four out of four was an insane jackpot), then maybe he’d be able to either talk Radek into giving him what he needed from time to time to take the edge off or he’d get Heightmeyer to help him assimilate his desires and then shove them into a corner.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there when he felt someone sitting down next to him. Evan glanced over and saw that it was Radek and shook his head in amusement.

“Do I have a transmitter in me that broadcasts whenever I’m in some sort of emotional turmoil?” he asked.

“Nope, only the subcutaneous transmitter and that only locates position, not mood,” Radek replied, both amused and confused.

“Because it seems like you seem to show up every time I’m trying to work something out.”

Radek shook his head. “I just couldn’t focus on work today and decided to get away for a while and see if I could clear my head. This was the first place I thought of.” He studied Evan for a moment before saying, “I thought you would go to work or train or something after you finished with Kate, not sit out here pensively.”

“I probably *should* be doing work, but I wasn’t ready to go back yet. So, you’re okay?”

Radek nodded. “Much better now that I’m out in the fresh air and the sunshine. What’s up with you?”

Evan leaned back on his palms and looked up at the sky and shook his head. “It’s a lot of things. Today’s session was much more personal than I was expecting it to be. It was as if Carson taking off my cast opened up an inner door that I had been hoping to keep closed for a long time and I think Heightmeyer’s going to drag what’s inside kicking and screaming into the light.”

“Do you want that?” Radek asked softly.

“I don’t know if I *want* that, but I understand the necessity of it for my own well-being,” Evan replied, knowing that was a textbook answer in evasion. He paused for a moment and Radek didn’t press. “The amnesia’s given me a chance to review a lot of things in a new light and it hasn’t ceased to amaze me how good I have it here in so many ways and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop or something.”

“If being out here has taught me anything or reinforced any lessons, it’s that we shouldn’t look for gift horses – they usually show up by themselves – and that sometimes we’re blessed much more than we’ve ever expected to be.”

“I completely agree,” Evan told him. “It’s just that sometimes I think I’ve won the lottery – you know?”

Radek nodded. “That I do.” He looked at his watch regretfully. “I should get back to the labs before Rodney decides I’ve deserted and tries to take some of my stuff.” He gave Evan a half-hearted smile, which Evan dutifully returned as they stood.

“Yeah, I should head in too. I promised Ronon I’d ‘sit in’ on some of the training sessions today and maybe I’ll be able to get a bit of time in with him on my own. It’ll be good to get an idea of where I’m at with my arm.”

“Just please don’t rebreak it,” Radek told him. “I think Carson would kill you if you did.”

“If you didn’t do it first,” Evan replied with a slight chuckle before he leaned in and stole a kiss.

“You do have a point.” Once inside, he said, “I’ll see you at dinner – and I really mean it this time.”

“Okay,” Evan replied. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

After watching a few uneventful training sessions, Evan was able to wheedle a few minutes of training time for himself with Ronon before they went their separate ways. Evan was surprised that Ronon was, for once, concerned about his left arm, but then he remembered that for most of the Pegasus galaxy, broken bones were a dangerous thing. And even though Sateda had been up there in the development scale, Ronon’s years as a Runner had altered his view of physical health, so it took Evan a few minutes to convince Ronon that he wasn’t in any real danger and that he really just wanted to test his arm, not do anything crazy.

The session went great until Ronon pinned Evan to the floor. Evan immediately went still when he felt Ronon’s weight on top of him and smelled the faint odor of leather, cotton, and sweat. It wasn’t supposed to be Ronon on top of him, it was supposed to be Radek. He didn’t know if that was simply because he and Radek were together or because of a memory trying to force its way to the surface. He searched his brain for a moment, but came up with nothing. When he refocused on Ronon, the other man was looking at him in confusion before getting off of him and helping him up.

“I think you’re good,” Ronon told him gruffly before quickly grabbing his things and leaving.

Evan stared at the empty door for a moment before realizing that he had a partial erection. He growled at himself. No wonder Ronon had left in a hurry. Evan gathered his own things and carefully carried them in front of him as he headed back to his room for a shower. There was definitely no doubt now that he was turned on by another man holding him down and he was a little pissed at himself for having Ronon find out about it and hoping the other man wouldn’t interpret it the wrong way. He made a mental note to find the Satedan later and explain.

Then he made another mental note to talk to Radek sooner rather than later about the topic they seemed to be tiptoeing around. It would probably be better if he actually waited until after he had thought through what he wanted to say first, but Radek seemed to have a knack for getting to the root of Evan’s problems and helping him set himself straight.

“Can we talk after dinner?” Evan asked Radek quietly without preamble as they entered the mess hall and joined the food line.

“Sure,” Radek replied. “Did you want to do it now, instead of eating with the team?”

“No, it’s not that important,” Evan told him, trying to keep his tone casual even though it *was* that important. “But I do want to talk privately afterwards.”

“Okay,” Radek nodded as they headed for their table.

The dinner helped Evan be a little more at ease and by the end of it, he felt like his mood had greatly improved. After disposing of their trays, Radek quirked an eyebrow and Evan nodded.

“Let’s go back to my place,” Evan said once they were in the hallway. At this point, he wanted as much of a “home field advantage” as he could get, even though he doubted that Radek would be that outraged at what he was about to suggest.

They walked in companionable silence, bumping shoulders and brushing arms along the way. Once inside his quarters, Evan let out a small sigh of relief even though he knew the tough part was just about to begin. Evan offered Radek his desk chair and sat down across from him on his footlocker, resting his forearms on his knees.

Evan stared at his hands for a long moment before looking up at Radek with a self-depreciating smile. “I probably should have thought this through a little more before I mention it to you, but in the past few weeks it seemed like every time I have a problem, discussing it with you has helped me sort it out in my own head. I, uh, I don’t know if we’ve discussed this in the past, so please forgive me if we have and we’re just rehashing old ground. I, uh, I,” he looked back down and started fidgeting with his shirt and his hands.

Radek took hold of Evan’s hands in his and held them still before seeking out Evan’s gaze and holding it. “Whatever it is, regardless of whether or not we’ve already discussed it a million times, it is obviously important to you. And if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me, miláčku.”

Evan nodded, drawing strength from Radek, the thumbs stroking the sides of his hands comforting him. “I, um,” he snorted and looked away, blushing slightly and shaking his head in amusement. Why was this so damn hard? He knew that Radek was the one person who would listen to him fairly and completely before passing judgment. “I, um, I didn’t think it would be this hard to say it.” He looked at Radek sheepishly. “I like to be dominated – in, uh, in bed, and sometimes out of it too,” he added quickly before looking away, not wanting to see Radek’s expression and afraid he wouldn’t make it through the rest of what he wanted to say if he did. “I, uh, I still haven’t remembered that, if we even did do it, but it’s something I’ve liked since before coming to Atlantis, but, you know, with being in the Air Force, it’s not exactly something I can casually bring up to people. And I don’t know if that’s the thing between us that we’ve been skirting around lately, though I’m sure it probably isn’t and that you’re not that way and that’s fine. I just wanted to tell you in the interest of being open and honest and, uh, I’ll stop now before I really put my foot in my mouth.” He nervously glanced up at Radek – who was grinning like a loon.

“Believe me, that’s not a problem, Evan,” Radek told him. “And I’m sure you’ve noticed that I like to take control in bed. I didn’t want to scare you off, but it is second nature to do it with you – and you do respond so beautifully – that I couldn’t help myself adding in little commands.” He closed the rest of the distance between them and kissed Evan hungrily before joining him on the footlocker. “And it doesn’t matter if you haven’t remembered yet. I’m sure that they’ll come back in due time – like everything else. And I’m also sure that having it out in the open will now help accelerate your memories coming back. I didn’t want to say anything because I wasn’t sure where you stood on it. It hadn’t seemed like a problem when we first started, but I wasn’t sure how your thought processes had gone the first time and I didn’t want to upset them.”

“Didn’t we discuss it the first time?” Evan asked in confusion.

“We did,” Radek replied with a nod. “I simply mean that I didn’t know then if you thought I was insane and you were merely curious and willing to try it out and then decided you liked it.” He looked a little sheepish. “I was the one who had broached the subject the first time. It wasn’t something that kept me up at night, but from time to time I did wonder if it was something that you really wanted and not something that you were willing to do just to keep me.”

Evan nodded in understanding and smiled guiltily. “I get that, but the submission was definitely real so you don’t need to worry about that being an act. And, as you’ve seen, my trepidation at losing you is definitely real. I still can’t believe you’d want to be with me.”

“And that’s something I don’t understand,” Radek replied as he reached up to gently brush his fingers through the hair at Evan’s temple and around his ear before settling on his cheek. “You’re a wonderful man and everyone here thinks very highly of you – both soldiers and scientists alike. And you could have your choice of practically anyone here – man or woman. And I suspect that the same was true back on Earth. You’ve never told me what it was that made you feel this way, and I don’t expect you to unless you want to, but it hurts me to know that you were hurt in such a way that you didn’t think you’d be worthy of someone loving you long-term. And I’ve done my best to show you that you are worth it.”

“And I really do appreciate it,” Evan replied, turning his face and nuzzling Radek’s hand, before continuing on in the interest of full honesty. “And it wasn’t ever any one thing, really – just lots of little things over time that I should’ve been able to let go, but when you hear them enough times, it gets hard – that I wasn’t good at commitment, that I wasn’t any good in bed, you get the idea. I was told this over and over again by both men and women and I never knew what I was doing wrong. So there was a lot of unintended internalization going on – you know how it is, you hear something enough times you begin to think it’s true. Discovering the fact that I loved to submit to other men was actually an accident.” He looked down at their hands. “I had met a guy at a club and we hit it off and he took me home and basically kept me tied to his bed for the whole weekend. It was one of the best weekends of my life. Not one of the safest, I know now in retrospect, but….”

He trailed off for a moment. “It took a lot of time and trial and error to figure that out completely and I’ll admit that I struck out more than I actually hit it out of the park. And when I finally started comfortable with who I was and what I wanted, that opened up a whole new can of worms because I was – am – literally a walking stereotype for a lot of people. I am in the military and I like to submit sexually to other men. Put me in *any* situation where my sexual tastes may come up and a three-year-old could do the math in that equation,” he said bitterly. “I got burned a lot by both sexes and I got a lot of offers from guys that I really didn’t want. So, after a while, I gave up on trying to find that special someone because I really began to doubt that he existed.”

“Do you remember what I said to you when I first asked you out?” Radek asked softly.

“You mean when you gave me a stammering, half-Czech, half-English invitation to get some dinner that first time?” Evan asked with a laugh. “Yeah, I remember. You had said that we should get to know each other better since you were Rodney’s second-in-command and I was John’s – which meant we were going to spend a lot of time together and we’d better be able to present a united front and know how to tell them no. And then at the end of dinner, you jokingly tried to imitate Humphrey Bogart’s last line from Casablanca.” He grinned. “Which I believe made me snort water out of my nose because it was so horrible and yet so endearing. But what’s that got to do with this?”

“The same sentiment still applies.” Radek leaned in and kissed Evan soft and slow and Evan felt himself getting lost in the feeling. “This is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship. And at the same time, so much more.”

Evan stared back down at his hands, the old, familiar nervousness wrapping around him like a blanket and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “Are you sure? You’ll have to retrain me to your desires and tastes and such. Are you sure I’m worth it?”

Radek stared at him in shock, opening and closing his mouth a few times, before saying incredulously, “I’ve been by your side for the past few weeks patiently supporting you and hoping that even a few of your memories would come back, but steeling myself against the possibility that none of them would.” His tone turned angry. “And you ask me now if I think it’s worth putting a little more time and effort into our relationship? If my actions haven’t already proved to you what I’m willing to do for you – for *us* – then I don’t know what will.”

He pulled away and stood, pacing away from Evan before stopping for a few minutes with his back to him before turning back and looking at Evan with a look of anguish. “I don’t know what I could say that would convince you that I think you’re worth it. I know deep down that it took some time the first time around for you to gain confidence in who you are and what you could bring to a relationship and that the amnesia has reset you, but it’s hard for me to see you and not expect you to be the way you were just before the accident.”

The anger draining out of him, Radek closed the distance between them and took Evan’s face in his hands. “You ask me if you are worth it? You are worth it a thousand times over. You have no idea how beautiful you are when you completely submit to me and let me do with you what I want. Or how you look when you’re comfortable in your own skin and know for certain that you are well-loved.”

He leaned in and kissed Evan thoroughly, leaving no doubt in Evan’s mind that Radek loved him and wanted desperately for them to be the way they were.

“I’m sorry,” Evan told him when they pulled apart. “Old habits die hard, apparently. I just – I want this so badly. I want to be the person I was before for you because you made me better than I was – better than I am. I want to be the person you believe I am, because you see something in me that I don’t see in myself. But above all, I want you to be happy. And I don’t know if the person I am right now can do that for you. I still feel like there’s too much of me missing to do that.”

Radek straddled Evan’s lap, locking him into one place, and Evan’s hands came up to support Radek’s ass. “I *am* happy with you, miláčku,” he said, completely serious. “*You* make me happy.” He smiled tenderly. “And you’re on your way to recovery – I believe that. I know that one day you’ll be the way you were before the accident and this will all be behind us and we’ll chalk it up to a weird life experience. Not many people can say that they or their partner suffered from amnesia. We *are* going to work through this and we’ll smooth out all of these new rough edges and wrinkles until we fit together again the way we’re supposed to. Okay?”

Evan blushed at Radek’s words. The fact that Radek still considered him to be something so intimate shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. “Okay,” he finally replied with a small nod. He wanted to protest, he wanted to tell Radek that he might be past being able to smooth things out and fashion himself into the person Radek wanted him to be, but there was no way he could deny Radek.

Radek leaned in and kissed him again, this time dominating the kiss and making Evan submit to him with a groan. The kiss felt like it went on forever as Radek’s tongue delved into Evan’s mouth, searching out every nook and cranny and Evan gently stroked Radek’s tongue with his own. Evan gently squeezed Radek’s ass and felt him rock into Evan – not to escape the pressure, but to put pressure of his own on Evan. Evan rolled his hips gently against Radek, letting him know he was willing and felt himself falling.

Radek broke the kiss and stood. Evan whimpered at the loss and looked up at him beseechingly. “Now you know that I’m still as serious as I was the first time we did this,” he told Evan. “I’ve been as patient as I can with you since you woke up, but it’s starting to wear very thin. It hurts, but I can’t always be the rock you need me to be.” He let out a breath and sat back down. “And it scares me how calm you’ve been through all of this. I know that I couldn’t be.”

Evan rubbed a hand over his face. “And it was the only way I could think to be. I didn’t see the point in getting angry, or crying, or throwing a tantrum if that wouldn’t change anything. It’s just –”

Radek put a finger to Evan’s lips. “We are not doing this tonight. I want you to think about what we’ve talked about and be completely certain as to what you want. I’ll give you the next 24 hours to do so. And I am going to make myself unavailable to you unless the city comes under fire.” He sighed and Evan could see his sorrow in his eyes as Radek gently caressed his face. “I love you too much, miláčku, to watch you continue to do this to yourself. You’re such a strong, capable man and it hurts me to see you like this. And I want to be for you what you don’t think you can be for yourself, but I know that in the long run, that will ultimately fail us. *You* need to trust yourself and trust that I love you for *you* and not for what you *might* be.”

He kissed Evan on the forehead before striding out of the room, deaf to Evan’s pleas for him to wait.

Evan slumped against the doorframe and watched him go. In a way, he couldn’t blame Radek for what he was doing. Evan had been heavily leaning on Radek since he had woken up for emotional support and to help him sort things out and he had taken their relationship for granted as he healed physically. But now it was time for him to stand on his own and figure things out for himself.

He sighed and went back into his quarters, reflexively thinking the door shut behind himself. He sat down on the edge of the bed and propped his head in his hands, supporting his elbows on his knees. He could do this. He could be the man that Radek wanted him to be, even if he had no clue how to be. Radek had made it seem so simple and easy. ‘You ask me if you are worth it? You are worth it a thousand times over,’ Radek’s words echoed in his head. Evan held those words in his mind, mulling them over. Knowing that someone loved him that much that they were willing to go through this – and who knows what else – for him was astounding. Most people he had gone out with had only ever wanted him to see if certain stereotypes were true and the next morning left either sorely disappointed (that he wasn’t the All-American boy they could take home to their mamas) or elated (that he was the ‘gay faggot’ who liked it up the ass and liked to take orders). But none of them had ever wanted anything more than a night – or a weekend if he got really lucky.

There had been a few people that he had dated for a few months, but those had been woefully inadequate as well. Like Brenda – a cute coed in college who hadn’t understand any more than he did why sex was always better when she was in control and after a while got tired of it and said that he was too high-maintenance for her and ended up breaking up with him to go out with one of his frat brothers. Or like Darryl – a fellow airman in the Officer’s Academy who was barely out to himself, let alone anyone else. They had kept it quiet for obvious reasons, but Evan had been willing to make it work, regardless of the fact that it was *hard* work sometimes to maintain their relationship. Darryl, on the other hand, had cracked near the end of their first year and had dropped out, saying that it wasn’t Evan, it was him and while Evan knew that that was mostly true – Darryl hadn’t been able to keep up in his classes either – it still hurt. He was pretty sure Darryl had married a girl from his hometown and had a couple of kids by now.

‘You have no idea how beautiful you are when you completely submit to me and let me do with you what I want. Or how you look when you’re comfortable in your own skin and know for certain that you are well-loved.’

If Radek’s previous statement hadn’t shaken him to the core – that one certainly did. He may not remember all of what they had done in the bedroom, but he certainly remembered how Radek had made him feel both before and after the accident and both in and outside the bedroom. With Radek, he had felt like he could do anything. And Radek’s love had smoothed away all the previous hurts and pains and made him feel like he was capable of loving and being loved utterly and completely.

He wanted to submit completely to Radek – both in the actual sense, and in the sense of believing he wouldn’t dump him. He really did. And it wasn’t that he was afraid. Or, at least, he wasn’t afraid of Radek. He knew Radek would take care of him and wouldn’t do anything that was too risky or that Evan didn’t want to do. And he knew that Radek would be discreet, so he wouldn’t have to worry about anyone finding out beyond whoever they agreed they wanted to know.

But he was afraid of other people finding out and, more to the point, he was afraid of the wrong people finding out. And it wasn’t because he was afraid of losing the command – well, the almost, kind-of, sort-of command that was technically more of an actual command at times than it should have been – since he didn’t *need* to be in command of anything. Really, he was more than happy letting someone else lead. But he was afraid of losing this amazing city and all of its wonders, as well as the home he had found here among the rag-tag bunch of scientists and soldiers that no one back on Earth had seemed to know quite what to do with.

Evan sighed as he laid back on the bed. Okay, that wasn’t exactly true. Sheppard and McKay were probably the only ones who were truly here because of an odd mix of their gifts and abilities as well as because people back on Earth didn’t know what to do with them. If any of the other soldiers had been shunted here for their tour of duty, it was because the SGC had felt they had to send them *somewhere*, and here was as good as anywhere else, really. Most were indifferent about where they served, but Evan knew that he himself and a few others had actually requested the posting. On the scientific side, most, if not all, of the scientists, had come both for the chance to be on the cutting edge of scientific discovery, as well as because they hadn’t felt like Earth was home any more and hoped to make a fresh start on Atlantis.

Evan let out a long slow breath. Somehow he had let his thoughts wander and he needed to bring them back to relevant topics, not wondering who had come to Atlantis for what reason. He needed to stop evading topics that made him uncomfortable now, or there was no way he and Radek would stand a chance.

Honestly, aside from the fear of the wrong person finding out and undermining his authority with the men in his command, the next highest fear was of himself. He was afraid that he wasn’t made to love someone long-term. Maybe he had always gravitated towards the one-night stands and short-term relationships that had no chance of succeeding because he was simply incapable of loving someone monogamously for the rest of his life. He knew people back on Earth that way and while he had always felt a pang of pity for them as he aspired to something more, he was starting to wonder if he was one of them as well.

He rubbed his eyes. That wasn’t true, though. He had been in a monogamous relationship with Radek for two years, so he *was* able to not only aspire to more, but to actually do it. And, from what he remembered, things had been going really well for them prior to the accident, and neither of them had had any reason to expect things to go belly up any time soon – nor did they want it to. If he could have, Evan would have dug his heels in and dared anyone who would separate them to drag him away kicking and screaming.

He took another deep, slow breath, and let it out just as slowly. And he really did want to keep going with this relationship. He loved Radek so much it hurt. He loved waking up next to him and seeing him still asleep, his worry lines smoothed out and his expression relaxed. He loved seeing Radek smile unguardedly and laugh unexpectedly. And every time Radek got one of those haunted looks in his eyes that Evan knew had to do with his pre-Atlantis past, he knew how to hold him and make him feel better. And when he woke up in the middle of the night screaming in Czech that the Wraith were coming, he knew how to hold him then too and quiet him back into sleep. And he would never admit it to either Radek or McKay, but he actually kind of enjoyed watching the two of them spar and rile each other up until McKay stomped off and Radek was muttering darkly to himself in Czech.

He was just afraid that somehow he would screw things up royally and that Radek would dump him. And he *really* didn’t want that. He wanted to keep this going for as long as he could – possibly forever. Not possibly, definitely. He *definitely* wanted this to go for forever. He couldn’t imagine his life without Radek in it and he didn’t want to know what a future without him would be like. He just wished that he had the faith in himself that Radek did.

He scooted farther up on the bed and grabbed one of his pillows and held it close to himself, wishing it was Radek he was holding instead. But how could he prove to himself and to Radek that this was what he really wanted? He didn’t want to just go through the motions and pay lip service to what they had in order to not be alone. He really did want to be with Radek.

He wanted it so much it hurt. And maybe that’s what scared him the most. He didn’t know how to handle feelings of this magnitude. He was so used to being dumped that he had become used to it and it had become a comfort to him. The pain he had felt at being left again was normal and he could deal with it. He still didn’t like it, but he could handle it. The fact that Radek hadn’t broken up with him gnawed at him and it made him twitchy and nervous, knowing that by this point they had gotten past all of the “normal” things that people had dumped him for and that they were in what was totally uncharted territory for him. And he was starting to think, for the first time in his life, that maybe he should be the one to do the leaving instead of being the one left behind.

But he didn’t want to do that to Radek, he really didn’t. He knew how much it hurt and he didn’t want to cause Radek that sort of pain.

So now he was back where he had started. He growled in frustration and punched the pillow in his arms.

How would he be able to do this if he couldn’t get past the fear that Radek was going to leave him? He was going to waste valuable time and energy worrying about something that he knew full-well wouldn’t happen out of the blue. Radek would give them a fighting chance before he left. He would make sure that they did everything within their power to save their relationship before going their separate ways as amicably as possible.

He sighed, letting his mind go blank, hoping that he’d be able to figure something out, and soon. Radek’s ultimatum had seemed odd, but Evan had known it was for his own good. He was no good to either Radek, himself, or their relationship if he was second-guessing himself all the time.

Maybe he should just submit, his mind supplied. Submit? But submit how? Did it have something to do with a discussion that they’d had before the accident that he hadn’t yet remembered? Or was it just a more general submission to what they had and letting it run its course and not second guessing himself at every turn?

Evan growled at himself and got up. He changed his clothes and went for a punishing run that cleared his head and wore his body out, but didn’t get him any closer to figuring out what he should do. When he returned to his quarters, he took a shower and fell into bed exhausted and asleep by the time his head hit the pillow, but his slumber was fitful at best and his dreams had the same recurring theme that he was chasing Radek but never quite able to catch up to him.

When his alarm went off the next morning, Evan called Radek on his radio without thinking, as he did every morning, but Radek didn’t answer him and Evan showered and dressed and went to breakfast depressed. His team, sensing his mood, didn’t say much to him during the meal and carefully watched him as he pushed his almost-real, Pegasus Galaxy purple eggs around on his plate and gave them all noncommittal answers to their questions and grunted in the appropriate places during the conversation.

“Hey,” Parrish whispered, hitting Evan on the arm with the back of his hand as the Smithson and Coughlin went to bus their trays before leaving. “Is everything okay with Radek?”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Evan told him, still staring at his mostly full plate. “You want these? I’m not all that hungry this morning.”

“I’m good,” Parrish replied. “Look, if you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

Evan nodded, not looking up. “Thanks. Things will be fine, I promise.”

“Okay.” Parrish patted him on the shoulder as he stood. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Evan let out a slow breath as he watched Parrish go. How could he explain to them that it wasn’t Radek, it was him? And that he didn’t know how to fix himself? Maybe he should just tell Radek that and see what happened. He didn’t know how to fix himself and he didn’t expect Radek to do it either, but he didn’t want to live without Radek either. He *couldn’t* live without Radek. He would promise to do his best to not let his past get in their way and that he’d let Radek know if things were getting too much for him so they could work through it together and so that Radek wouldn’t feel like he had to do the lion’s share of the work to keep Evan believing that he was worth it. He had to prove to Radek that that was the best he could offer him and that he’d be willing to do whatever else Radek asked of him to prove how serious he was.

Deciding he wasn’t going to get any farther with his breakfast, Evan unceremoniously dumped it before getting another cup of coffee and heading to his office. Sheppard had some acquisition requests he wanted him to sign off on before the next data burst in a week or so and Weir had been adamant about things being filed well ahead of time, just in case. Evan had never had a problem conforming to the deadline, but Sheppard was notorious for cutting it down to the wire. And, nine times out of ten, Evan ended up having to redo the requests anyway so the grunts at the SGC would be able to understand what they were asking for instead of trying to decipher Atlantean slang.

Pulling up the first request and seeing that it fell into that category, Evan sighed and had half a mind to let it, and the rest of the batch, go through as-is and let the guys on the other side figure it out and chalk it up to one of the dangers of working with an international expedition. But he knew the downside to that – the SGC would find an anthropologist they didn’t know what to do with and send them out to study *Atlantis* and the long-term effects of a closed culture on its individual members and wouldn’t that be fun?

Evan scrubbed his hands over his face. When had he become so scatterbrained? He didn’t remember being this bad before the accident. Maybe he needed to see Carson about it – maybe there was still some brain damage that they hadn’t realized. But he knew deep down that that wasn’t really the case. He couldn’t concentrate because he was focused more on Radek and what was going on – or not going on at this particular moment – between the two of them.

He really, *really* wanted to talk to Radek now and clear the air between them, but he knew that Radek had been right – he needed to know that he could stand on his own and not worry about what others thought of him romantically, sexually, whatever-ly, and take it on faith that Radek wasn’t going to be like everyone else. But it was hard when he had so much experience with the side that Radek was asking him to forsake than with what Radek was offering him. And he knew, and he was certain that Radek knew as well, that it would take more than one day of soul-searching to fix that too. But he was resolved to show Radek that he meant it, to show him that Radek *could* trust him to not to lean on him so much.

He hated how fickle his returning memories were. He could remember almost everything, both good and bad, related to being on Atlantis that wasn’t related to his and Radek’s relationship. And he remembered a large chuck of their time together – all of it good. But he still couldn’t remember a fair amount of the negative stuff. Evan was fairly certain he didn’t remember any of the kinkier stuff because he was still afraid of someone finding out about it and his mind therefore viewed it as a negative and was trying to protect him as much as possible. But he figured it would only be a matter of time now before those memories started coming back as well, since Radek knew and Heightmeyer knew, and who knows who else knew – but so far they weren’t saying and there hadn’t been any sort of backlash at all. He should have figured – the Atlanteans were a *very* loyal bunch to each other. But he couldn’t remember times, and he knew that they’d had them or they wouldn’t be in this position, where he had admitted that he didn’t think he was able to keep up their relationship, but that Radek had talked him out of it without knowing all the reasons, or assuming half-true ones in the absence of Evan admitting the whole truth.

It was going to be tough for a while. He was going to have to put himself out there a lot more than he was used to. And his first instinct was to actually run and hide, lest Radek find out that he really wasn’t worth the effort. But he had to remind himself that Radek only knew part of it before and had stayed with him and that he knew, even if only abstract terms, the full extent of it now and that he still thought he was worth it. And if Radek thought he was worth it, then there had to be a slight chance that maybe he actually was because he knew how Radek worked – he only tried to work miracles if he thought that there was a chance of them working, however theoretical, but there had to be a latent possibility there first. So, if that was the case….

Evan blew out a breath and turned his attention to the acquisition form. He was starting to give himself a headache, chasing crazy possibilities and tangents this way. Things were better when they were black and white, yes and no, not when there were fifty shades of gray to consider as well.

After finishing a dozen or so of the forms, Evan shut everything down and headed out of his office. His brain was too scattered to do any more and he needed to talk to Ronon, since the other man had been specifically avoiding him since their sparring match. As he had figured, Evan found Ronon in the gym.

Ronon looked at him warily as Evan entered, but didn’t stop what he was doing.

“I just wanted to apologize for what happened the other day,” Evan told him. “It was very unprofessional of me, even if it was unexpected, and I, obviously, put you in a very awkward position.”

Ronon shrugged. “It happens sometimes when two men are fighting,” he replied gruffly. “It’s happened to me more than once. I always thought you went for the small, academic type, though.”

“I do,” Evan replied, looking chagrined. “But there are certain qualities that the two of you have in common that I find very attractive. And, like I said, I just wanted to apologize if I put you into a position that made you feel uncomfortable.”

“Just surprised me. I think most of your men are too scared of me for that to happen.”

“As they should be,” Evan replied, extending a hand. “Still friends then?”

“Still friends,” Ronon replied as he shook Evan’s hand.

At the appointed time, Evan was waiting in his quarters for Radek. He hadn’t heard anything from Radek the entire day, not even if this was where Radek wanted to meet him. Radek hadn’t specified anything the night before, so Evan could only assume that this was where he would come. He had thought about preparing something to say, but then decided it would be easier to see where things went and take it on the fly. Radek would know then that he was being completely honest and not simply trying to return to the status quo. Evan had showered and put on a nice outfit, wanting to look his best for Radek. He had, fleetingly, thought of wearing his dress blues to show how serious he was about this, but figured that was overkill and then Radek probably *wouldn’t* take him seriously.

The door chimed and Evan slowly stood and crossed to the door. He took a deep, calming breath before opening the door to admit Radek and then walking back into his room.

Before Radek could say anything or he had time to completely think it through, Evan blurted out, “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Radek replied as the door shut behind him. “So am I. I know what it’s like to get burned, Evan. I’ve done my fair share of both leaving and being left and, most of the time, neither is easy.” He closed the distance between them and got into Evan’s personal space, but didn’t touch Evan and Evan didn’t back down, as much as he had wanted to. “And what we do requires a lot of responsibility and trust from both sides that most people aren’t prepared to deal with and that’s scary too.”

Evan crossed his arms over his chest, wanting to hide, to run, to do anything but stand here and lay himself completely bare to Radek. “I want to submit to you completely – however you want to take that – and I don’t know if I can do that.”

“It’s all right,” Radek told him softly, gently cupping Evan’s elbows. “I will gladly take your submission and treat it with the respect it deserves. I do not expect you to suddenly become perfect and give up the past that has shaped who you are. I simply want you to work at freeing yourself from it so that it does not hinder you in the present and the future.”

Evan nodded mutely, not looking at Radek. “I want that too,” he admitted, glancing up at his lover. “I love you so much it hurts, Radek. And I’m afraid I’m going to do something to mess that up irrevocably. If all the others…” Evan forced himself to stop and take a deep breath before shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I won’t go there.”

“They didn’t know what they had found, miláčku,” Radek replied, tightening his grip just enough on Evan’s elbows to make sure Evan was focused on him. “They didn’t know what kind of a treasure you are. Have you brought this up to Dr. Heightmeyer?”

Evan shook his head. “No. I probably should though, shouldn’t I?”

“I think it would be a very good idea. As much as I want to fix this for you, she would be able to help you much better than I could.” He gently rubbed his hands up and down Evan’s upper arms reassuringly. “I just want you to be comfortable and happy with yourself, Evan. And I think you’re finally headed down that path for certain.” He gave him a warm smile. “Now, how do you feel about playing a little?”

“I’d love to,” Evan replied with an answering smile. “I hate to say it, but I don’t think I’m very well equipped. I know for certain that I didn’t bring anything with me when I came through the Gate.”

“I know,” Radek replied, his smile turning wicked as he went back to the door. “That’s why I brought things.” And, for the first time, Evan realized that Radek had brought a small satchel with him and had dropped it by the door when he had come in. He was almost afraid to ask what was in it and what sorts of things they did. “I would ask you what the safe word is, but I know that you don’t remember it. Do you want to choose a new one, or do you want me to tell you the old one?”

“Tell me the old one,” Evan told him, stuffing his hands in his pockets in an effort to keep himself open. He was a little scared of what they were about to do, but at the same time he was excited by it.

“Either Jumper or Puddlejumper,” Radek replied. “Is that still okay with you?”

“Great.” Evan couldn’t help but grin, his desires starting to outweigh his nervousness. He knew that Radek would go easy on him and would reteach him what he needed to know. And he was going to be a *very* willing student.

“Good.” Radek gave him a light peck on the lips. “Now, go get yourself undressed. Don’t worry about any sort of finesse – I just want to see you.”

Evan nodded and quickly began shedding his clothes. As he undressed, he folded the clothes and put them on the desk. Radek seemed pleased by that small detail and Evan wondered if that was a part of the training that Radek had instilled in him. When he was done, he stood in front of Radek, loose-limbed and relaxed. Radek carefully looked him over, noting various scars with a light touch of his fingertips and carefully tested the different parts of Evan’s body that had been injured in the accident, but as expected, Evan didn’t respond with any sort of pain. And while this was going on, Evan did his best to not let himself be aroused by the close scrutiny.

With a decisive nod once he was done, Radek came and stood in front of Evan. “Good,” he said. “I think we’re ready to begin. “Do you hurt anywhere?”

“Nope,” Evan replied with a shake of his head. “Physically everything feels great.”

“What doesn’t feel good?” Radek asked. “If you’re uneasy with doing this without your memories, tell me now. I don’t want either of us regretting this once we’re done.”

“Sorry,” Evan replied, sheepishly. “I was trying to make a joke, but it obviously sounded better in my head. Please, continue.”

Radek stared at him searchingly for a moment before nodding. “You are a very beautiful man, Evan Lorne,” he said, closing the distance between them and pressed his clothed body against Evan’s naked one before taking his face in his hands and kissing him soundly.

Evan’s arms automatically went around Radek’s waist and he pulled him even closer, meanwhile deepening the kiss. “Mmm,” he replied with a small smile when Radek pulled away. “I love you,” he told Radek.

“I love you too,” Radek replied. Quickly changing the subject, he said, “Now, I’ve been thinking about you all day and that spectacular mouth of yours. You are going to kneel and give me a blowjob.”

“Yes, sir,” Evan replied automatically as he gracefully knelt in front of Radek. “Do I call you sir?” he asked.

“Yes, you do,” Radek replied.

Evan gently nuzzled the clothing-covered groin in front of him, feeling Radek harden as he threaded a hand in Evan’s hair. Radek gently tugged and Evan looked up at him. Radek’s eyes had gone dark with desire and he merely raised an eyebrow. Evan quickly helped Radek out of his shoes before opening Radek’s fly and pushing his jeans and his boxers down and out of the way. Radek stepped out of them and kicked them off to the side. When Evan turned his attention back to Radek, his partially hardened cock rose temptingly from its bed of curls.

Evan leaned in and took the tip into his mouth, his tongue pressing against the underside of Radek’s cock. He sucked on it gently and felt the precome drizzle out of Radek’s cock and across the back of his tongue. Radek moaned softly and thrust shallowly into Evan’s mouth. Evan let his mouth go slack as he took in more of Radek’s cock, and he sucked down the length of Radek’s cock before scraping his teeth back up the quickly hardening length until only the tip was in his mouth.

Radek groaned and tugged on Evan’s hair. “I’m going to fuck your mouth,” Radek told him, his voice rough and his Czech accent more pronounced. “And you’re going to take whatever I give you.”

Evan nodded slightly and licked his tongue in a broad swipe across the head of Radek’s cock as a way of accepting. He felt his own cock stirring, but kept his hands on his thighs.

Radek pushed his cock into Evan’s mouth and Evan relaxed his throat as Radek’s cock brushed the back of it, but kept his mouth firm. He had never been a big fan of deep throating until he’d met Radek and now he couldn’t get enough of it. He felt the first tendrils of a high weave around him as Radek pistoned in and out of his mouth, using it as he would his ass and every once in a while, Evan would lightly apply his teeth or hum lightly at just the right time to maximize Radek’s experience. Soon enough, Radek was grunting softly with his efforts to hold it in and Evan placed his hands on Radek’s hips to help support him. Radek came explosively, the only warning was his hips stilling, and Evan eagerly swallowed his come, enjoying the bitter, salty taste.

Once Evan had licked him clean, Radek withdrew his softening cock from Evan’s mouth, his breaths still coming in short pants. Evan sat back on his heels and licked his lips, enjoying the taste of Radek’s semen and the feeling of peace he had.

“If you’d like, you can take the edge off now,” Radek told him. “Otherwise I’ll expect you to wait until I say you can come.”

Evan looked down at himself and seeing his straining erection brought the painful need to come slamming back into him. He wrapped his hand around his cock and began slowly stroking it with long, sure strokes, as he looked up at Radek and held his gaze. He lost himself in the sensations and wished he could freeze this moment in time for the foreseeable future. But much too soon, he felt himself crashing over the edge and he doubled over as he came hard in his hand.

When he slowly straightened himself back up, Radek said, “Wipe your hand on my jeans.”

Evan did as he was told before returning his hand to his thigh and looked up at Radek expectantly.

Radek was staring down at him with a lust-filled expression. “There are so many options,” he said finally. “It is hard to know where I want to start.” He thought for another moment, before saying, “I want you on the bed on your back, your hands clasped above your head.”

Without thinking, Evan did as he was told and waited for Radek to join him. Any nervousness he’d had had disappeared and he could feel his body buzzing lightly. The bed dipped as Radek joined him, now completely naked.

He grinned down at Evan as he said, “Present your hands.” Evan did as he was instructed and held them up for Radek. Radek fastened a pair of dark leather cuffs to Evan’s wrists so he could feel them against his skin, but they wouldn’t do any damage. The insides were padded with a soft fur. “How do they feel?” Radek asked.

“Good,” Evan replied, enjoying the feel.

“Good,” Radek answered as he fastened a double ended bolt clip to the two cuffs, linking them together. “Try them now.”

Evan pulled against them, but they didn’t budge. “That’s good too.”

“Good,” Radek told him as he produced a blindfold. “Now, lift your head.” Evan did so and Radek placed the blindfold on him, effectively blocking out all light. “Can you see anything?”

“No,” Evan told him with a shake of his head.

“Good. Now, lie back and put your arms above your head.”

Evan did as he was told and his body relaxed. He knew that he should be nervous about this and worried about his situation – he had a blindfold on, his hands were cuffed together, and he was naked. But, in all honesty, he had never felt safer in his life. He let his breathing slow and even out and felt his mind quiet.

“You are now mine do to with what I will,” Radek whispered in his ear. “If at any time you feel uncomfortable or need to stop for any reason, use your safe word. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” Evan replied.

“Good. What is your safe word?”

“Puddlejumper or jumper.”

“Good.” Radek was quiet for a long moment and Evan started getting curious. “Such a lovely expanse of skin,” Radek finally said as he ran his palm along Evan’s flank. “So many lovely things I can do to it. What do you think, Evan? Shall I give you a good spanking?” He punctuated the question with a light slap to Evan’s hip. “Or shall I tease you until you’re breathless with desire before I take you hard?” He lightly danced his fingertips over Evan’s thigh before lightly pinching a sensitive spot just behind his knee and Evan let out a small gasp.

Radek leaned down and lightly kissed Evan’s belly button before trailing light kisses down Evan’s stomach towards his groin. Evan hummed lightly in pleasure as he felt his cock stirring in response to Radek’s actions and gently arched towards Radek. Radek held him down with a hand on his hip as he continued to skirt around Evan’s groin, placing light kisses along Evan’s pelvis and then down one inner thigh and up the other. By the time he was done, Evan’s cock was mostly hard.

“So beautiful,” Radek murmured against his skin. “I love you, miláčku.”

“Love you too, babe,” Evan murmured.

Radek moved up and kissed Evan hungrily. Evan kissed back just as hungrily and arched into Radek’s body. Radek pinched a nipple and twisted it lightly. Evan broke the kiss and gasped, pain flooding the nub for a moment before Radek released it and relief rushed in. Radek then did the same to the other nipple. Evan squirmed a little, wanting both to get away from the pain and stay where he was because of the pleasure he knew would be coming.

Radek leaned down and took the first nipple into his mouth and sucked on it, laving it with his tongue before biting down on it. Evan cried out and squirmed even more. Radek released the nipple and then licked it, both exasperating the pain and making it feel better.

“I want you to stay still,” he told Evan before moving on to the other nipple.

Evan made himself stay still and submit to the pain Radek inflicted on his nipple, concentrating as much as he could on the warm pleasure that was starting to radiate out from the first nipple. When Radek was done, he made a pleased sound in the back of his throat as he gently flicked one nipple, then the other. “Just the way I like to see them – taut and red,” Radek remarked fondly. “I’ve missed this. I’m going to enjoy taking my time reacquainting myself with your body,” Radek told him. “I just might take all night. What do you think?”

“I think you can do whatever you want,” Evan replied honestly, wanting Radek to do whatever he wanted with him. “Please just don’t stop.”

“Oh, I have no intention of doing that,” Radek replied before sucking on the skin at the juncture of Evan’s neck and shoulder at his collarbone, making sure to do it long and hard enough to leave a mark. Evan gasped slightly and arched his neck towards Radek, to give him better access. Radek murmured appreciatively as he continued sucking. “That’s going look beautiful tomorrow, once it’s fully developed,” he said, fingering it once he was done. “I think I’ll have to mark more of your body before we’re done. I love seeing my marks on your body.”

Evan was still slightly drifting from the feel of Radek’s mouth on his neck. He had never thought that spot could be such an erotic trigger, but he had hardened immeasurably once Radek had started sucking hard. “Mmm,” was all he replied.

“I thought you would feel that way,” Radek replied, his tone light. “Now, roll over. I want to see that beautiful ass of yours.”

Evan obligingly did so, careful of how he situated himself on his aching erection and placed his arms under himself. Before he could settle down, Radek was there with a pillow to put under his hips. As Radek withdrew his hand, he slowly dragged his hand along Evan’s erection, causing Evan to press against him and whimper.

“Not just yet,” Radek replied, gently stroking Evan’s back. “But I promise we will get there. I have so much more to inspect first.”

He trailed light kisses along Evan’s shoulder blades, causing Evan to murmur appreciatively. Then he moved southward, sucking along Evan’s spine, most of which were only for a second or two, but every so often, he sucked a little harder, then nipped at the reddened skin, causing Evan to gasp. He played for a long time in the small of Evan’s back – kissing, licking, and nipping the sensitive skin there until Evan was trembling beneath him and whimpering in need. Radek brushed his lips over both of Evan’s ass cheeks before pulling them apart with his hands and licking along Evan’s crack. Evan moaned loudly, but stayed still. Radek chuckled softly before licking across the puckered opening of Evan’s asshole. He slowly pushed his tongue inside and Evan pushed back against it with a groan. Radek put a hand on Evan’s back and Evan stilled. Radek played with Evan’s asshole for a while, alternating between licking it and fucking it with his tongue. By the time he finished, Evan was trembling again and mewling pitifully in the back of his throat.

Moving off the bed to grab the lube, Radek said, “I’m going to fuck you now, reclaim you, but you are going to wait until after I come until you can come. I promise I’ll make it worth it for you.”

“I know,” Evan told him, barely able to string the words together. He just wanted Radek to take him, and take him hard, before letting him come. He loved how Radek always reduced him to his most basic elements and made him strain with desire and *want*.

Radek moved back between Evan’s legs and made a blatant show of rubbing his hard cock along the crack in Evan’s ass, making him moan. Radek slowly pushed his first lubed finger into Evan’s ass and Evan couldn’t help but push back against him.

“Good,” Radek replied when his finger was all the way in. “I want you to move for me now.”

Radek began slowly moving his finger in and out of Evan’s ass, and Evan countered each thrust with a thrust of his own. He also twisted his hips a little and gripped Radek’s finger with his ass, eliciting a groan from Radek. Radek inserted a second finger, and began scissoring his fingers to open Evan up more and Evan sighed, enjoying the slightly fuller feeling and anticipating what was coming.

Radek inserted a third finger and said, “Now it’s up to you.”

Evan happily fucked himself on Radek’s fingers, loving the slide of the digits in and out of his body, and angled his thrusts so Radek’s fingers brushed against his prostate. He had never felt this way before with any of his other partners, including the more “long term” ones. They had always wanted to get in, get out, and get done, regardless of what Evan wanted, and were always gruff about doing so. Radek, on the other hand, had always been more apt to take his time and enjoy the experience to its fullest extent, and thereby make sure Evan enjoyed it too. It was just one point of many that made Evan love Radek more than he thought possible. When Radek pulled his fingers out, Evan came sharply back to the present and whimpered mournfully.

A second later, he felt Radek’s hand tap him on the ass. “Raise yourself up onto your hands and knees and then impale your ass on me.”

Evan did as he was told, taking a moment once he was up to steady himself and gain his balance. As he did so, Radek wasted no time opening Evan’s ass and pressing the lubed head of his cock against Evan’s asshole. Evan eagerly pushed himself back onto Radek’s cock, taking him all the way in. They both breathed out at the same time once Radek was completely seated inside of Evan and Evan dropped one shoulder and pressed his head against his forearm as he took a moment to adjust. He had become used to Radek’s cock in his ass by now, but every time Radek took him, he still enjoyed that first moment that Radek’s cock was in him, stretching him and conforming his body to allow its intrusion. Radek gently stroked Evan’s hips as he waited for him to catch his breath. When Evan straightened himself up, Radek gripped his hips, pulled almost completely out, then slammed back in. Evan responded with a grunt and rocked back slightly. Radek did it again, this time gently rotating his hips so the tip of his cock teased Evan’s asshole and Evan mewled softly before rocking back to meet Radek’s inward thrust. After that, Radek set a punishing pace and Evan eagerly kept up with him, thrusting back to meet each of Radek’s thrusts and clenching his ass around Radek’s cock. Radek also angled his cock so he repeatedly hit Evan’s prostate, which sent stars exploding in Evan’s eyes and pleasure rippling through his body and pooling in his already hard cock.

Evan concentrated on keeping his breathing even and focused on meeting each of Radek’s thrusts not just on the sensations Radek’s cock in his ass was causing to the rest of his body. He knew that if he did, it would be over way too quickly and he wanted to prove to Radek that he was able to follow the simple command that Radek had given him. His breathing became labored as Radek kept up the punishing pace and Evan was beginning to wonder if Radek had put a cock ring on himself to make it last longer. Radek grunted and Evan could feel his cock harden slightly and he smiled to himself. He could tell Radek was getting close to coming. When Radek next pulled out of him, Evan clenched his ass around Radek’s cock, knowing Radek loved the feeling of Evan’s ass gripping him and on the next thrust in, Radek stilled and came in Evan. They then collapsed on the bed in a panting heap, but Radek didn’t make a move to disengage his cock from Evan’s ass.

After a moment to control his breathing, Radek reached in front of Evan and gripped Evan’s still hard cock. Evan whimpered and lightly thrust his cock into Radek’s hand.

“Good boy, Evan,” Radek whispered in his ear. “Fuck my hand until you come.”

Evan groaned as he began gently thrusting into Radek’s experienced hand, which clenched and unclenched around his cock, alternately thrusting back onto Radek’s slowly softening cock. The dual sensations quickly undid Evan and he was soon coming over Radek’s hand. After Radek had finished milking his cock, he wiped his hand on the sheets and unclipped Evan’s cuffs.

Radek placed a kiss on the back of Evan’s neck. “I love you, Evan,” he whispered softly against Evan’s skin. He reached up to take off Evan’s blindfold.

“No, leave it a little while longer. I love you too, Radek,” Evan replied with a happy smile as Radek wrapped an arm around Evan’s waist and pulled him close, seemingly disinclined to take his cock out of Evan’s ass any time soon. And, as Evan drifted off into a doze, he was perfectly fine with that.

He woke sometime later, his brain fuzzy and still in darkness, but his body was completely relaxed. He stretched slowly and found that Radek’s cock had slipped out of him during their nap and he felt oddly saddened by that. Evan took off the blindfold before turning over and burrowing closer to the still sleeping Radek. He kissed Radek on the shoulder and then fell back into a doze. When he woke the second time, he was on his back and Radek was awake and laying on his side, his head propped up on his hand, watching him.

“Hello, sleepyhead,” Radek told him with a small smile. “How do you feel?”

“Good,” Evan replied, returning the smile. He leaned up and captured Radek’s mouth in a chaste kiss and they kissed languidly. Evan shifted closer and hissed slightly at the ache in his ass.

“I didn’t take you too hard, did I?” Radek asked, eyebrows furrowing together in concern.

“Nope,” Evan replied with a shake of his head and he smiled lazily. “It felt *really* good.”

“Good, because I was afraid I had gone too hard on you.”

“Well, you were harder than you’ve been, but I like that.”

“Yes, well, next time I’ll make up for it by taking you slowly and gently until you’re shaking with need and ready to come at the merest suggestion,” Radek replied lowly with a mischievous grin as he bent down to take Evan’s lips in another languid kiss.

“Mmm, I like the sound of that too,” Evan told him when they broke apart. Holding a wrist up, he asked, “Where did you get these cuffs?”

“*We* got the cuffs from an Athosian tanner,” Radek replied. “We had them fitted to your wrists so they wouldn’t be too tight or you wouldn’t be able to wriggle out of them. He seemed to enjoy doing the job for us and told us if we needed anything else, to come to him.” He winked at Evan and grinned lasciviously.

“So, what other sorts of toys do we have?” Evan asked as he turned to face Radek and placed a light kiss on his chest, just below his shoulder.

“What makes you think we need toys?” Radek teased as he ran a hand through Evan’s hair and let it settle at the back of Evan’s neck and he began gently stroking it.

Evan shrugged. “Not saying we do, but somehow, I doubt these, a blindfold, and some lube are the only things we have.”

“Well, let’s see, what else do we have?” Radek’s expression turned mock thoughtful. “We have my voice, my hands, your willingness, our combined creativity and imagination…”

Evan rolled his eyes playfully and sighed dramatically. “I should’ve known better than to get into it with someone who has such a big brain.”

Radek laughed. “Well, too late now. You’re stuck with me. But you’re right – we do have a few other things. We have a butt plug, a vibrator –”

Evan raised an eyebrow as he interrupted, “Do I want to ask how you got the vibrator and the butt plug through all the security checks and the screenings?”

Radek shrugged. “I made them here.”

“You made them here,” Evan replied flatly, disbelief evident in his voice. “How the hell did you build them here?”

Radek shrugged again, as if it was no big deal. “You forget my doctorate is in Engineering. Separately, my desire for the necessary components may seem a bit odd, but completely inconsequential, therefore it helps me avoid detection from prying eyes who dismiss me as being a bit odd, but harmless.”

“Obviously,” Evan muttered with an amused shake of his head. “So what else do we have?”

Radek’s eyes glinted in amusement. “A paddle – though I much prefer spanking you with my own hands, and a cock ring – also made by the Athosian tanner.” 

“And what did he say about that?” Evan asked, not sure if he should be appalled or amused.

“He was quite willing to do so,” Radek replied, his tone very matter-of-fact. “I think he may have had a crush on you, and you will be fueling his fantasies for quite some time.”

Evan shook his head. “I’m surprised you let him.”

“Oh, believe me, it was well worth it and I don’t regret a minute of showing you off to him.”

“And how exactly did you get me to agree to do it?”

“I made sure to place myself in your debt and played on your slight exhibitionist tendencies.”

“I don’t have ‘slight exhibitionist tendencies’!” Evan replied indignantly. “I don’t have *any* exhibition tendencies!”

“Well, we know that *now*,” Radek replied calmly, as if they were holding a normal conversation. “But then you weren’t sure and you had admitted that it was something you were intrigued by and wanted to try at some point. So when the opportunity presented itself, I made sure we took hold of it.”

“And then what happened?” Evan asked as he burrowed his face in Radek’s shoulder, as if not looking at Radek would make the embarrassment go away.

“You were understandably nervous, even though we had already procured the tanner’s absolute promise that he would breathe a word of what we were doing to no one, so I had to calm you down first. I made you focus on me and told you that we were going to do a scene and to focus on me when you started to feel uncomfortable. Then I kissed you to keep your attention and opened your pants and took your flaccid cock and balls out so the tanner could measure you. Once he had done so, and very openly admired you, I commanded you to masturbate for us and put in the proviso that you take your time doing it and that you enjoy it, but that you weren’t to come until I commanded. You nodded as you leaned back against the tanner’s table and took yourself in hand, your eyes never leaving me the whole time.” Radek’s voice caressed Evan’s ear as he said, his voice full of desire, “I don’t think I have seen anything as hot as the tableau that you presented to us – your posture completely open, your cock and balls on display for us, your right hand wrapped around the base of your cock.”

He started lightly trailing a hand up and down Evan’s spine, sending shivers it. “I gave you a slight nod to continue and you stroked yourself until you were completely hard and when I told you, you stopped and took your hand away, but I could tell it was an effort for you. Let’s just say I wasn’t the only one affected by your performance, though, honestly, I think even a statue would be affected by you. The tanner was very efficient in his work once he came to his senses. When he was done, I made you give me a hand job, with both of our cocks on display – I figured it was only fair for what I was making you go through. Once I had come, I told you you were allowed to come when you wanted and stroked you three times before you came. We then carefully concluded the transaction with the tanner and came home. And you had decided that exhibitionism is definitely not for you – which is perfectly fine with me, since I also realized that I want to be the only one who sees you in such an intimate state.”

“You are totally an evil genius – I know I wouldn’t have had the balls to ever actually go through with something like that,” Evan told him. “Thank you for the experience. And why you put up with a stupid jock like me is beyond me.”

“Because I love you,” Radek replied. “And you are *not* stupid,” he told Evan emphatically. “I have spent enough time working with your military to know what sorts of intelligence you have to have to be a pilot of your stature and I know how much of an act your stupidity is. You’re much like Sheppard – both putting yourselves down so others won’t suspect you’re a threat and somewhere along the way you internalize it a bit too much.”

“Maybe that’s why he and I work so well together and we both get along so well with you and McKay. We’re your antitheses.”

Radek laughed, lightening the mood. “Yes, I think you’re right about that. But enough talk about them. I’d rather talk about us. Or, better yet, not talk at all.”

He leaned in and kissed Evan softly, his tongue gently seeking entrance into Evan’s mouth. Evan yielded to him and opened his mouth to Radek’s insistent onslaught. As Radek deepened the kiss, their tongues caressed and dueled with each other, not for dominance but out of sheer desire and want. Evan’s cock began to harden and he rubbed himself against Radek, their bodies fitting together as if they had been made to become one and their cocks lining up perfectly. Evan moaned as he pressed his body harder against Radek.

Radek growled in the back of his throat and rolled them both over so Evan was on his back and Radek was on top of him, his knees on either side of Evan and his weight holding Evan down. He took hold of Evan’s wrists and pinned them to the bed on either side of Evan’s head with his own hands, his whole body now focused on keeping Evan beneath him. Evan grinned up at Radek and arched against him, not fighting him, but making sure Radek knew how hard he had become due to that one act. Radek growled again, this time a little softer, and firmly rolled his hips against Evan’s, making sure Evan felt every inch of his own erection.

“*Yes*,” Evan breathed, wanting him, needing him, more than he could verbalize. “Take me, use me, love me –”

Radek captured Evan’s mouth in a demanding kiss with his own as he rolled his hips again, sending another jolt of pleasure through Evan’s body. “I will never leave you,” he told him harshly, not letting him complete the sentence. “*Never*. I am committed to *you*, miláčku. *To us*. And I will make sure you know unequivocally how serious I am before the rest of your memories return.”

Evan nodded mutely. The depth of Radek’s love for him scared him as much as his own for Radek did. “Okay,” he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “I love you so much it scares me, Radek.”

“I know,” Radek replied. “And I am honored by that. I will not let you down. Now,” he raised an eyebrow, “what did I say about not talking?”

Evan pursed his lips together, then smiled.

“Good,” Radek replied. “Now...”

He rolled his hips again, which rubbed their cocks together and Evan did his best to counter Radek’s movement with his own, given the little leverage he had with all of Radek’s weight bearing down on him. They rubbed off on each other, their only points of contact being Radek’s hands on Evan’s wrists, and where their groins met. Soon, they were both hard and panting, their effort aided by their precome.

“I’m going to take you inside of me, now,” Radek told Evan.

Evan looked at him, his expression glazed and sex-confused. “What?” he asked.

“I’m going to ride you,” Radek told him, as he grabbed the lube off the bed and moved back a little to give himself some space.

Radek coated his fingers and began inserting them inside of his ass. Evan watched him in fascination. He had fucked Radek a few times since the accident, but he had always prepped him and he found the show to be highly erotic. Radek’s legs were spread wide, his head thrown back, and his eyes were closed as he worked his fingers in and out of his as, stretching and lubricating himself. Evan had to wrap his hand around the base of his cock and squeeze to keep from coming. When Radek was ready, he lubed Evan’s cock and positioned himself above it. He slowly sank down, taking Evan’s cock in a bit at a time and Evan’s hands came up to help guide him down.

Once Radek was completely seated on top of Evan, he took a moment to let his body adjust before leaning forward and kissing Evan deeply and clenching his ass around Evan’s cock. Evan moaned into Radek’s mouth and gently arched up into him.

“Don’t move,” Radek whispered into Evan’s mouth. “Just enjoy while I ride you. And I want you to come with me, but not before.”

Evan growled in frustration. Radek could have the patience of a saint when it came to drawing out an orgasm. But he watched Radek in fascination as Radek fucked himself on Evan’s cock. He loved the way Radek’s features softened with pleasure and he gave himself over to it totally. Radek’s cock was hard and straining to come as it bent up against Radek’s stomach, and his balls had distended and were rubbing against Evan’s stomach with each of Radek’s downward thrusts. Evan stroked Radek’s thighs as he watched Radek enjoy himself and concentrated on not coming as Radek’s ass muscles rhythmically clenched and unclenched around his cock. Radek finally groaned and pitched forward. Evan lifted up a hand to steady him as Radek came and, without thinking, Evan came along with him, letting pleasure sweep over him and carry him over the edge.

When he came to, Radek was laying next to him, a pleased expression on his face. “I think we should get some more rest,” he said, “we have all day. We needn’t rush.”

“All day?” Evan asked, perplexed.

Radek nodded. “I told Elizabeth we were taking tomorrow off – that we had some personal things we needed to take care of. She was very understanding.”

Evan sighed in relief. “Good. I’m glad.” He grinned. “Does that mean we get to spend the whole day in bed?”

“Some of it,” Radek replied with a grin as he put his arms around Evan. “But I also want us to go talk with Kate about couples counseling. I think it will be good for both of us to go and get things out in a more constructive atmosphere.”

Evan groaned. “We both already see her. Why can’t we do it separately and let her talk to her about us?”

“Because that’s not how it works and you know it. We both need to be there *together* in order for it to work.” Radek squeezed his arms. “You know you want to.”

Evan sighed, knowing Radek was right. “You’re right, I do. I want to not worry about me or us or you or any of that stuff.” He grinned. “At least you won’t have to worry about any of my psycho exes.”

“You have psycho exes?” Radek asked, his eyebrows raising. “As in clinically psycho or as in crazy that they let you get away?”

“Well, there was one girl who might have been clinically psycho, but I think most fall into the second category.”

“I think they were all crazy to let you get away – but then you know that. Okay, maybe not the one that was actually crazy, because I’d hate to know what would have happened to you then.”

“Yeah, me too,” Evan replied, kissing Radek’s temple. “Thank you, Radek.”

“For what?” Radek asked him, slightly puzzled.

“For putting up with me and my shit for the past two years. I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“Well, as with any successful science experiment, the outcome is definitely worth the wait.”

“Is that what I am?” Evan asked, his tone playfully indignant. “A successful science experiment.”

“Not at all. I’m just making a familiar comparison. Much like you would use airplanes. I talked to Kate yesterday after your appointment and she agreed to fit us in.”

“Okay,” Evan replied with a yawn. “Sorry,” he replied sheepishly as he snuggled against Radek and let his eyes drift closed. “I didn’t sleep well last night and tonight’s… activities have worn me out.”

“We should get some sleep,” Radek agreed before placing a kiss on the top of Evan’s head. “Kate’s only open appointment was first thing in the morning.”

Evan cracked open an eye and glared up at Radek. “Define ‘first thing in the morning’.”

“Nine a.m.”

Evan glanced at his bedside clock and saw that it was already three in the morning. “Then we better get some sleep so we don’t look like we were up all night having sex.”

“Making love,” Radek replied with a chuckle. “And I hate to break it to you, but she already knows that we have a healthy sex life. So I wouldn’t worry about what she does or doesn’t assume, if I were you. Besides, I’m sure she thinks it’s a good thing that we’re having mature, consensual sex – if she even thinks about it, which I doubt she does unless it’s pertinent to the conversation.”

Evan rolled his eyes, even though Radek couldn’t see his expression. “Sure, take all the fun out of it. That makes it sound so mundane and ordinary.”

Radek rubbed a hand up and down Evan’s arm. “Nothing could ever be mundane and ordinary about what we have, miláčku. Now, we need to go to sleep.”

Evan opened his mouth to say something else, but Radek shushed him and tightened his hold on Evan. Evan placed a kiss on Radek’s chest just above one of his nipples and draped an arm over Radek’s hips before falling into a deep sleep.

They both woke with a start at eight. “What’s, uh, what’s going on?” Evan asked, looking around blearily.

“Nothing, it appears,” Radek replied as he also scanned the quiet room for potential danger, relaxing when he found none. “But we do need to get up.”

Evan nodded. “In a minute.” He smiled and kissed Radek softly. “Good morning.”

“Good morning to you too,” Radek replied with a smile. “Come, we both need to shower.” He got out of bed and took a few steps before turning to look at Evan, who was splayed on his back across the bed, the covers tangled around his legs, the cuffs dark against the white sheets and Evan’s creamy tan skin. He murmured something to himself in Czech that Evan didn’t quite catch as his eyes turned dark with desire. “If you hurry, I’ll make it worth your while.” He blatantly ogled Evan’s morning erection.

“Yes, sir,” Evan replied with a grin and quickly got out of bed and took off his cuffs and hastily threw them on the bed. He turned to Radek, who was still blatantly ogling him, and grinned. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’ve never seen me naked before,” he told him amused.

“Just because I have, doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy it.”

“I’d say you were enjoying it a lot,” Evan replied as he sauntered over to Radek. “I know I enjoy you looking at me like that.”

“Then maybe I’ll have to command you to be naked every time we’re alone together so I can always enjoy the view,” Radek replied roughly. “Would you like that?”

“I think I would,” Evan replied as he stepped into Radek’s personal space. “Not to mention the easy access it would give you.” He pressed his body against Radek’s and put an arm around his waist, pulling him closer, one thigh going between Radek’s legs. He slowly rolled his body against Radek’s, from their knees to their chests. “Would you like that?”

“I think I would,” Radek murmured before kissing Evan with a hungry desperation, his hands coming up to hold Evan’s head in place as he plundered his mouth. Breaking off the kiss with a shaky breath, Radek took a step back and out of Evan’s embrace. “That will definitely be a matter for us to discuss *later*,” he said, his tone completely professional. “*Now* we need to get ready to meet with Dr. Heightmeyer.”

Evan nodded mutely, his ardor cooling slightly as he followed Radek into the bathroom. Radek started the shower before turning to Evan. “Think of what you would like to do today, once we’re done with Kate,” he told him. “It could be anything.”

“Anything?” Evan asked with a mischievous grin as he gently pushed Radek backwards into the shower. “Oh, I could tell you a number of things right now – there’s no need to think. But, first, I think you promised me you’d make it worth my while if I got out of bed and I intend to collect upon that promise.”

“Oh, really?” Radek replied as he stepped into the spray, looking at Evan in surprise. “And did I say *when* I’d make it worth your while? I don’t think I did. I might make you wait until after we finish with Kate.”

“I believe I can persuade you to rethink that,” Evan replied with a lascivious grin, following him in and shutting the curtain.

He sank to his knees and quickly engulfed Radek’s cock with his mouth. Radek gasped and tangled a hand in Evan’s wet hair, the other going up to the wall to help support himself. Evan slowly teased Radek’s cock to hardness with his mouth as he moved along its length. He took his time, letting everything fall away but Radek’s cock in his mouth and giving it as much pleasure as possible. Radek kept perfectly still, but his whimpers, moans, and sighs of pleasure spurred him on as he worshipped Radek’s cock with his mouth, alternating between sucking the entire length, licking it with both broad strokes and light licks, nipping along the underside of his cock from the base to just under the tip, and suckling on the head of Radek’s cock while he swirled his tongue around the head. During one such moment of suckling, Radek’s breathing hitched and Evan glanced up at him, his mouth still tight around the head of Radek’s cock, and was nearly bowled over by the desire and need on Radek’s face. He pressed the tip of his tongue just under the tip of Radek’s cock and sucked hard before swallowing all the way down. Radek came hard, semen gushing into Evan’s mouth and down his throat and Evan easily swallowed all of it down as he milked Radek’s cock with his mouth and his throat. He continued until Radek’s cock began to soften in his mouth and he let it slip out.

He stood and gathered a still panting Radek into a breathless kiss. The kiss deepened and lingered, neither wanting to stop and Evan began slowly rocking his insistent erection against Radek’s hip, needing something to help him that extra little bit. Radek reached down and took hold of it. Evan’s hips stilled and he broke off the kiss to press his forehead against Radek’s shoulder. For a long moment Radek’s hand stayed where it was around the base of Evan’s cock before he began slowly milking Evan’s cock. The strokes were long, slow, and sure, tightening slowly on the way up and then decisively sliding back down to the base. Evan let out a ragged breath and gently thrust into Radek’s hand.

“No, this is all me,” Radek breathed in his ear. “And I want to hear you.”

Evan nodded once slightly and stilled, letting the pleasure from Radek’s hand wash over him along with the water. He mewled softly, then moaned a little louder. As Radek continued his ministration on Evan’s cock, the litany of sighs and moans tumbled continuously out of Evan’s mouth. Radek kept him teetering on the edge of orgasm for what felt like forever and Evan finally whimpered pitifully, loving Radek’s attention but needing to come badly, and Radek gently twisted his hand when he got to the head of Evan’s cock and Evan came hard as Radek continued to milk his cock and prolong his orgasm and his vision whited out for a long moment. He finally came back with a shaky breath.

“That was…wow,” Evan finally managed.

“We’re going to be late,” Radek told him without preamble as he began to wash both himself and Evan.

“We’ll tell her the alarm didn’t go off,” Evan replied weakly as he slowly gathered himself together and made an attempt to help before Radek batted his hands away.

Radek finished washing both of their bodies in record time and handed Evan a towel once they stepped out of the shower. “You’re on your own now,” he said as he quickly toweled himself dry.

Evan followed suit and they both quickly dressed before Evan grabbed a couple of Power Bars and they headed out. As they ate, he laughed and said, “It’s a god thing Heightmeyer already knows we’re sleeping together, because otherwise she’d know now.”

“This means nothing,” Radek replied as he brushed some crumbs off his shirt. “I could have spent the night in the lab and you know it. It’s a good thing I’m a scientist or we’d have to work a lot harder at throwing off suspicion.”

“Except that the labs and your quarters are in the opposite direction from my quarters and Heightmeyer’s office is nowhere near any of them,” Evan told him with a laugh. “So you’d really be coming out of your way to fetch me for a session with the good doctor.” They headed into a transporter and Evan tapped the screen for the transporter nearest Heightmeyer’s office.

A moment later, they walked into the psychologist’s office. Heightmeyer looked up from her desk and smiled at both of them. “Right on time, gentlemen,” she said. “If only the rest of the expedition was as prompt as the two of you.”

“We do our best, ma’am,” Evan replied with a smile as they sat down side-by-side on the couch and Heightmeyer sat across from them with her notepad and recorder.

“So, Evan,” Heightmeyer started, “Radek tells me that he has some concerns about you and that he thought it would be a good idea if the three of us met for a few sessions to try to confront them and lay them to rest. How do you feel about that?”

Evan shrugged. “Okay, I guess. I know we’ve talked about a couple of things in my past that I’m having trouble getting past and how that worries him and I want to do whatever I can for both of us to feel comfortable in this relationship.”

“So you’re saying you’re coming here more for his benefit than your own?” she asked him neutrally.

Evan shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t want Radek to feel like I can’t take care of myself or that I’m going to go batshit crazy on him.”

“I don’t think you’re going to go ‘batshit crazy’ on me, Evan,” Radek told him quietly as he took Evan’s hand in his. “I’m just worried that you’re going to over think yourself and let your past dictate what happens in our relationship.”

“I know,” Evan replied, looking at him. “And I’ve been trying to not let it.”

“I know,” Radek said. “I just worry about you – a lot.”

“Is there anything specific in Evan’s past that you’re specifically worried about, Radek?” Heightmeyer asked him. “History of sleepwalking, alcoholism, drug use?”

Radek shook his head. “None of that. It’s, um, it’s more personal than that. I’m worried that his past relationships are threatening what we have now.”

“Evan?” she asked. “Would you like to respond to that?”

Evan studied his knees. “I told Radek already that I’m working on not letting my past get the better of me, but I know it’s something that’s not going to happen over night.” He took a deep breath before looking up at Heightmeyer. “I was much more promiscuous before coming to Atlantis – a lot of one night stands where the other person was pretty quick to leave the next morning and never called afterwards and a few short-term – a few months, tops – relationships and the other person always broke them off. Obviously, that starts beating down on you after a while and you start wondering what it is about you that continually repels people so quickly. Obviously, I’ve become very careful about who I trust my heart to.”

“And, Radek, how do you feel that that has bearing on your relationship with Evan?” Heightmeyer asked him.

“I think that he’s worried that I’m going to leave him, just like everyone else,” Radek told her, “especially now that he’s physically healed and he’s gotten almost all of his memories back.”

“And what about during the two years the two of you spent together before the accident? Did he ever express any nervousness or concern about the depth of your feelings for him?”

Radek shook his head. “Never. There were a few times in the beginning where I could tell that he seemed worried, but he never offered a reason and I never thought to ask – I had thought it was simply due to adjusting to his new life here on Atlantis. After a while, he settled in, the nervousness vanished, and everything was fine, so I didn’t think much more about it. I could tell from time to time, though, that he had been hurt in the past, but I didn’t want to either reopen or exacerbate an old wound.”

“Why didn’t you talk to Radek about it before, Evan?” Heightmeyer asked him.

Evan shrugged. “I didn’t want to burden him with it. I didn’t want him to think I couldn’t deal with my past and that I was expecting him to do it for me. Radek’s the best thing that’s happened to me besides coming to Atlantis. Maybe even more than coming to Atlantis. It’s hard to tell when coming to Atlantis is what brought us together. I didn’t want to scare him away.”

“And you’re willing to work through your issues so that they’ll no longer hinder your relationship with Radek?” Heightmeyer continued.

“You have no idea how willing I am,” Evan replied emphatically. “There’s no way I’d give up what we have if I have a chance to save it.” He paused for a moment and studied his knees again, and Radek gently squeezed his hand, before saying, “There is something else I’d like to talk about too, since we’re all here.” He glanced first at Heightmeyer and then at Radek. “I, um, I know you both know about a certain... proclivity I have in the bedroom.” He paused to lick his lips and they both nodded. “Well, I, um, I,” he blew out a breath and gripped Radek’s hand tightly. “I want to see about taking that a little further than just in bed.” He looked at Radek. “I’m not doing this because I wanted to put you in the spotlight or anything – I just thought of it this morning, really. I just thought that maybe Heightmeyer could help us figure out a way to deal with this – not that we couldn’t on our own, but, you know... um –”

“No, I think you’re right,” Radek told him. “I think it’s a good idea. This way Kate will be able to monitor us and help us through any rough patches as we work our way through this.” He glanced at Kate and she nodded. “This is a very sensitive subject and I, for one, would like all the help we can get while we figure out where we want to go with it and how it’ll work for us.” He ducked his head to catch Evan’s gaze again. “Besides, the more Kate knows about this, the better it’ll be for us if something happens and this comes to light. If it’s clearly evident that we’re being smart about it and not just doing this on a whim, I’m sure it could lessen any repercussions we might have. That *you* might have.”

Evan nodded thoughtfully, looking back down at his pants. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. But you still haven’t actually answered me. Do you want to do this or not? I’m not asking to be led around on a leash 24/7 or anything insane like that. Or, at least, I’m pretty sure I’m not, but I do want to go more in depth with this.”

“Honestly, I had never considered doing anything of this nature outside of the bedroom,” Radek admitted. “But I will admit that the idea does intrigue me. How about we agree to a trial period to test it out and see where our tastes lie? And if this is something that we really want, we can then decide for certain what we truly want to do on more of a full-time basis. How does that sound?”

“Sounds good.” Evan looked up at Heightmeyer and laughed. “I bet you didn’t expect to be doing *this* when you signed up to come out here.”

Heightmeyer shook her head as she chuckled and said, “No, I didn’t. But it is refreshing to help a couple deal with their more mundane problems and move forward in a healthy direction after numerous sessions where I help patients deal with nightmares due to the Wraith or dealing with issues of mortality because they saw their teammate die in front of them. Even if the direction is a little more abnormal than average.” She paused before looking at them both bemused. “Well, Earth average. Hardly anything is average here – as you both know. What did you have in mind, Evan, in regards to where you would like to explore your submissive tendencies? Did you have a specific area in mind?”

“No, not really,” Evan replied with a shrug. “I know that I enjoy submitting. Other than that I don’t really care about what.”

“Is it Radek’s exertion of power and control over you that you enjoy the most? Or something else?”

“Maybe? I never really thought about it like this. I just know that that I like it.”

“What about you, Radek?” Heightmeyer asked him. “Is there a certain aspect of your dynamic that you enjoy the most?”

Radek blushed. “I like how Evan looks when he’s completely committed to following my commands. There’s something very sexy about that.”

“And now that he’s asking to move this beyond just sex, do you feel like you will be able to objectively help him with that?”

“Sure,” Radek replied easily. “As a scientist, I’m always intrigued by how things work, and I can easily consider what we are about to do as an extension of that. But I will admit that I’m unsure of where we’re headed with this. And if he’s unsure about where this is headed –” Radek shrugged. “It’s like the blind leading the blind.”

“Okay,” Heightmeyer told them. “I want you to both take a moment and think about it. In what way or ways would you like your dominance or submission to manifest itself in a non-sexual way?”

The room fell quiet as the two men thought.

Evan really *wasn’t* sure how he wanted his submission to manifest itself. He had really blurted the idea out before he had time to think it through. As he went through different scenarios in his mind, discarding some immediately and putting others carefully aside for further examination later, he realized that he didn’t have a specific way. He wanted practically every way possible, regardless of how unhealthy it might be. Okay, he didn’t want to give up total autonomy, but the idea of being able to switch off completely and let Radek do the thinking and the deciding when they were alone together was a very appealing one.

“Okay, gentlemen,” Heightmeyer said, drawing their attention back to her. “Do you have any ideas? Evan, why don’t you go first, since it was your idea to start with?”

Evan shrugged. “I want to be able to turn off when we’re alone and let Radek be the one to make the decisions for me. I know it’s unfair to expect that of him since I know he has a lot of things to deal with and think about, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be that involved in my care and feeding, and it’s not like my job is so stressful and taxing that I need to be taken that far down, but it’s something that sounds very appealing to me. And I don’t know,” he shrugged again, “I like being ordered to do things.”

“Okay,” Heightmeyer replied, making a few notes on her pad, before asking, “Would you like to respond to that, Radek?”

“It’s true that being that involved in Evan’s well-being is not something I think I’d enjoy doing on any sort of regular basis, but if it’s something he wants sometimes, I’m sure we can work something out.” He looked at Evan and said, “Maybe after we do it a time or two, you’ll find that you don’t need to do it as often as you think you do.” To Heightmeyer, he said, “But as far as generally ordering him around, I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” Anticipating her question, he said, “I think I would like to order him around. Otherwise, my mind is a blank slate. I don’t even know what all the options are, let alone whether or not I would like to use any of them.”

“All right, here’s what I would like you both to do,” Heightmeyer said. “I want you to both to write out a detailed schedule of your days, barring any unscheduled surprises and disruptions. The next time we meet, we’ll go over them and see if may be they offer any clues as to how we can approach this situation. Does that sound like a good place to start?”

Both Evan and Radek nodded.

“Good.” She gave them a reassuring smile. “I think we’ve had a good starting session today, gentlemen, and I have complete confidence that we’ll be able to find a solution that you’ll both be able to enjoy and find personally enriching. Let’s schedule our next appointment to take place in three days, after Evan’s next appointment. Will that work for both of you?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Evan replied.

“That should do just fine,” Radek agreed as they both stood. “Thank you again, Dr. Heightmeyer.”

“It’s my pleasure,” she told them. “I’ll see you in a few days.

Once they were in the hallway, Evan let out a long breath. “I’m sorry about that – I didn’t mean to just spring it on you. I had hardly thought through it myself and then it’s suddenly tumbling out of my mouth.”

Radek chuckled softly. “That is definitely one of your endearing traits, Evan. Sometimes I think your subconscious knows exactly how to override your consciousness when it’s in your best interest.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, a little warning would be nice.”

Radek stopped them and turned Evan to face him. “I do want this. I want you to be sure of that. Like you, I am not sure about the specifics, but I do want this. I want to delve into this side of me with you and see where it goes. Where we go. I will admit to having fantasies of this very thing from time to time, both before and during our relationship, but they have become more intense since we’ve gotten together. So don’t feel like you’re pushing this onto me. We’re definitely doing this together, equally.”

“Okay, good,” Evan replied with a nod. He sighed as they started walking again. “This is one of those times when I wish that relationships came with a road map.”

“But where would the fun in that be? Sometimes the surprises are what makes the relationship that much more special.” Radek’s eyes twinkled as he lowered his voice and said, “So, I have some more time mapped out this morning for our session with Kate, since I wasn’t sure how long we were going to be. Therefore, Rodney is not expecting me back for another hour or so. If you don’t have to be anywhere, would you like to go back to the room and finish what we started earlier this morning?”

“That sounds like a great plan,” Evan replied with a grin. “Flying a desk does have some perks.”

“No, leave them on,” Radek told Evan once they had finished. “I like the way they look on you.”

“So do I,” Evan replied. “They feel really good too. How long do you want me to wear them?”

“Until I tell you to take them off.”

Evan quirked an eyebrow and Radek nodded. “I mean it.”

“Okay,” Evan replied with a shrug. His stomach growled and he laughed. “I don’t know about you, but my body seems to think it can’t run on one Power Bar and a lot of great sex.”

Radek’s stomach growled as well and they both laughed. “Apparently mine can’t either,” Radek said. He patted Evan on the hip before getting up. “Come on, let’s get dressed and get some food.” He looked at the clock as he began picking up his clothes and sighed. “After we eat, I’ll have to get to the lab.”

“Okay,” Evan said as he started putting his clothes back on. “I should probably make an appearance in my office for a while too. Keep up the facade of doing work and all that.”

“And if you don’t do work, what do you do?” Radek replied with a raised eyebrow before pulling on his shirt.

“Oh, you know – make paper airplanes, play computer games, daydream about you.”

“About me?” Radek asked in a teasing tone as he approached Evan. “And what exactly about me do you daydream about?”

“A little bit of everything,” Evan replied with a grin as he gave Radek a blatant once over.

Radek took one of Evan’s cuffed wrists in his hand and brought it up to his mouth. He placed a light kiss on the inside of the cuff and then on Evan’s palm before looking at Evan desirously. Evan leaned in and captured Radek’s mouth with his own, kissing him hungrily. Radek returned the kiss with an equal passion before taking over the kiss. Evan eagerly yielded as he wrapped his free arm around Radek and pulled him closer.

“I wish we had more time,” he said when they pulled apart.

“So do I,” Radek replied as he nuzzled Evan’s neck before stepping back and putting space between them. “But we need to get moving or we won’t have time to eat before an irate Rodney McKay comes looking for me.”

Evan rolled his eyes as he pulled on his own shirt. “I think you’re exaggerating.”

“Okay, maybe a little,” Radek acquiesced as they both pulled on their shoes. “He won’t come looking for me, but he will still make my life hell because I’m not taking my job as seriously as I should be.”

They walked to the mess hall in companionable silence and Evan felt a current of excitement continue to run through him at the knowledge that he was still wearing his cuffs. At Radek’s order. The cuffs were mostly covered by the sleeves of his shirt, but a tiny bit of both peeked out on his wrists and he knew that any time his bare wrists would be visible, his cuffs would be seen. It excited him to know that they would be seen by other people. He laughed as he realized how much of a thrill that gave him. Regardless of what had happened with the Athosian tanner, he seemed to still have a small exhibitionist streak in him.

He and Radek gathered trays and their food automatically before Evan followed Radek to a semi-secluded table.

As they sat down, Radek said, “I thought maybe we could talk about what we want to do with this,” he tapped Evan’s wrist. “With us.”

“Okay,” Evan replied as he rearranged the items on his tray. “You are sure you’re okay with trying this out, aren’t you?”

“If I wasn’t, I would have said so earlier,” Radek replied in an exasperated huff. “But also like I said, I’m not sure what I want. Are you sure that this is what you want, Evan? Because as much as this intrigues me, I don’t need this to be happy with you.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Evan replied. “I really do want to try this out and see where it goes. And if it doesn’t work,” he shrugged, “it doesn’t work.”

Evan reached for his water before realizing that he hadn’t actually grabbed any. He reached over and grabbed Radek’s water bottle as two people walked by and one muttered to the other, “Pervy faggots,” loud enough for both Evan and Radek to hear. Evan started to whip around, but was stopped by Radek squeezing his forearm.

“Let it go,” Radek told him sternly. “There’s always a chance someone will react like that, regardless of what we do. Did you get a good look at either of them or recognize his voice?”

Evan shook his head. “I wasn’t paying attention until I heard the words. But if anyone harasses you, let me know, okay?”

“You mean like Rodney?” Radek replied carefully. “I know how to handle myself, Evan.”

“I don’t mean that way and you know it. The men need to know they can’t get away with that sort of thing.”

Radek nodded. “I’ll let you know. I probably should get going before Rodney starts coming after me.” His radio beeped and he tapped it. “Yes, what is it? ... No, Rodney, I told you I’d be in after I ate lunch and I just started. ... Yes, Rodney.” Radek rolled his eyes and smiled. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. ... I will be there when I finish. Goodbye, Rodney.”

Radek tapped his radio off and huffed as he rolled his eyes again. “It seems my personal expertise is required in the lab sooner rather than later, so I’d better finish up.”

Evan finished at the same time as Radek and walked with him down to the labs. He had half a mind to kiss Radek goodbye there in the deserted hallway, but stopped himself and instead forced himself to tell Radek he’d see him for dinner. It seemed as if Radek had had the same thoughts when he hesitated for a moment before agreeing and then heading into the labs.

Evan wandered back to his office, mulling over what to do about the incident in the mess hall. He knew that he couldn’t do anything unless he knew who had done it, and then only if the person – man – was military. But he knew he couldn’t go around asking everyone what they thought about gays and people with “certain sexual tastes”. He sighed, knowing he’d just have to wait and hope that it wouldn’t happen again or that the comment had actually been said in relation to someone else. He knew how people could get – they would call people they knew things that they wouldn’t dare say to or about anyone else. He hoped this was the case and that they had just happened to cross paths.

He sank down into his office chair with a sigh and turned on his laptop and absently stroked his cuffs as he waited for it to boot up. He knew he needed to get some administrative paperwork done, but he really didn’t feel in the mood for it.

There was a knock on the doorframe and he looked up to find Smithson and Coughlin standing just outside. He waved them in and they dropped into the chairs on the other side of the desk.

“And what can I do for you two today?” he asked with a smile, doubting they had a real problem. “Or is this a purely social visit?”

“Purely a social visit, sir,” Coughlin replied with a smile.

“I thought I told you that you didn’t have to call me ‘sir’ all the time, Coughlin,” Evan replied in mock exasperation. He had – many times, but the other man had never seemed to completely grasp that.

Coughlin shrugged. “I know.”

“We just miss seeing you on a regular basis, Lorne,” Smithson told him. “Hell, we see Parrish more than we see you – and while we’ve been on stand down, he’s either stuck in his lab or off-world helping another team 90% of the time.”

“I know and I’m sorry,” Evan replied, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his hands over his face as he sighed. “I’ve just had a lot on my plate lately with trying to relearn my job and trying to get my memory back and a few other things.”

“A few other things like spending time with your boyfriend?” Coughlin asked in a teasing tone.

Evan lowered his hands and glared at Coughlin and then at Smithson. They both grinned back at him. “How did you know?”

“It’s pretty obvious, sir, if you know how to look.”

“And we did know before the accident,” Smithson added. “And since Zelenka’s been around just as often after the accident as before – maybe even more – it wasn’t hard to figure that the two of you were still together. And we’re happy for you, we really are.”

Evan looked back at Coughlin, who nodded and added, “Even Parrish is happy for the two of you. Though, I think he’s happier for Zelenka than for you. Something about Dr. Z showing the science department that it is possible for them to not listen to Dr. McKay and be able to form good relationships.”

Evan couldn’t help but laugh at that. “That may be the case, but I don’t think McKay’s used that argument in a while – regardless of how much it stung. Besides, if you listen to the gossip, he and Sheppard are together – and have been for a while. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

“That was no more substantial than if we heard it in the halls, sir,” Coughlin replied as Smithson pretended to zip her lips. “Whatever floats your boat, I guess. If it is true and Sheppard can put up with McKay that well, he’s a much more patient man than I am. I would’ve duct taped that man’s mouth way before now just so I could have five minutes of peace that weren’t sleep.”

Both Evan and Smithson laughed. “Very true, very true,” Evan replied. “But McKay has gotten a lot better over the years. And you’ve got to give him credit – he may be a pain in the ass most of the time, but he does know how to get the job done – regardless of whether it’s saving our asses at the last minute or getting the best out of his scientists.”

Changing topics, Smithson said, “We also wanted to remind you that we’re having a team movie night tonight down in the lounge and we were thinking of watching some Mel Brooks movies.”

“Sounds good,” Evan replied. “I’ll let Radek know.”

There was a moment of hesitancy between them and Evan looked back and forth between his two teammates. “Okay, spit it out,” he said.

“I just heard today that my, um, my boys got cleared to come to Atlantis,” Smithson finally said.

“That’s great!” Evan replied with a grin. “What do they do?”

“Ryan’s an engineer and Steve is a linguist,” she replied with a shy smile. “They’ll be here on the next Daedalus run in a couple of weeks.”

“Good,” Evan replied with a nod. We’ll have to do something to welcome them when they get here. Now, I hate to break it to you guys, but I have to get some things done this afternoon, since I played hooky all morning.”

“Not you, sir,” Coughlin gasped in mock surprise as he and Smithson stood. “We’ll see you later, then. How’s dinner sound?”

“Good,” Evan replied with a nod. “Radek and I will be in the mess hall at the normal time. Make sure you grab Parrish.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Smithson said. “We’ll see you later.”

Evan sighed again and stared at his laptop after they had left. He went through his schedules and got them completed and posted before he opened a new word document and sat back in his chair. He stared at if for a while, unsure of what to put down.

Why had he said that he wanted more earlier when he didn’t even know what kind of more he wanted. Honestly, he probably wouldn’t even have time for more once he was freed for active duty – which he knew would be at his next check-up with Carson. But, time or not, he knew that he *did* want more. The sex was great – that wasn’t the problem. Okay, so he wasn’t trying to substitute, but to augment, what he and Radek had, at least on his end at any rate. He knew Radek had been honest when he said that he was wiling to give it a shot, and he hoped that this little experiment would turn out to be a great thing for both of them.

But what did he want?

He wanted to take care of Radek the way Radek had taken care of him, and more. He wanted to make a home for Radek in a way he was fairly certain Radek had never had prior to coming to Atlantis. He wanted to cook and clean for him, do his laundry, and take care of all the little things so Radek wouldn’t have to worry about them.

Damn it, he was starting to sound like a housewife from the fifties or something. But he *wanted* that. Or, at least, something like it. He wanted to take care of Radek as much as Radek would allow him to.

He knew that wasn’t necessarily a traditional way of showing submission and dominance. Hell, he knew a lot of dominant people who did all those things. Though, whether it was out of a need for control or a desire to show that they cared, he didn’t know. But he wanted to do that for Radek, along with whatever Radek wanted from him. Even if it was to kneel at his feet most of the time and clean his shoes while Radek worked on a problem in his quarters or something else that was totally stereotypical.

He typed everything up neatly and concisely before saving the file. He stared at it for a while longer, wondering if there was anything missing, but couldn’t find anything.

There was another knock on the door and Evan looked up to find Sheppard leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe.

“What can I do for you, sir?” he asked.

Sheppard just shrugged and said, “I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing.”

“I’m doing very well, thank you, sir. The schedules are done and have been posted.”

“I’m sure the men will be very happy to hear that,” Sheppard replied with a wry grin. “Do you think Beckett will release you soon for active duty?”

“I’ve been told he’s going to at my next check-up, which is in a few days.”

“Good to know. And how’s the memory retrieval coming?”

“It’s coming. I think I’ve got most of the memories back, though I know I still have a couple chunks missing. Otherwise,” Evan shrugged, “I won’t know unless I realize I can’t remember it.”

“Very true,” Sheppard replied as he pushed himself off the doorframe. “Remember – staff meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, sir,” Evan replied as he watched Sheppard’s retreating back.

In frustration, Evan closed his laptop and headed out. He went back to his quarters and changed into his PT gear and headed out, pushing himself into a punishing run. He needed to clear his head and let go of everything for a while. He pushed himself harder than normal and reached the halfway point – the South Pier – breathing heavily. He stretched his aching muscles, then bent over the railing for a few moments to allow his lungs a chance to recover.

Why couldn’t things ever be easy? He didn’t think he had ever wished that things would be more like a romantic comedy than right now. At least then he’d know what to expect and how things were going to turn out. Besides, they’d have a few good laughs along the way and all of the angst wouldn’t hurt quite so much.

With a growl, Evan pushed himself away from the railing and started running again. He and Radek had to be near their own personal happily ever after. He refused to believe anything else after all they had been through recently and given where they were now. Maybe one day they would be able to look back on everything they had gone through in the past few months and laugh about the whole thing, but right now he just wanted to get through to the other side. He hoped that their joint meeting with Heightmeyer in a few days would help put them that much closer to doing so.

When he got back to his quarters, Evan jumped in the shower and gave himself a perfunctory wash before standing under the hot water for a few long minutes, wishing the water would wash away all the doubts and uncertainties that were crowding his brain.

He finally got out and quickly toweled off before redressing and putting his cuffs back on. He smiled as he did so, remembering how they had looked on his wrists after he had pulled on his t-shirt and how he had felt a little more grounded while he had stretched prior to running. They had looked and felt good and he couldn’t help but grin as he had headed out, feeling like he was teasing anyone he’d come in contact with during his run with his secret.

He headed down to the labs and got there right as Radek was cleaning up his work station.

“Just in time, miláčku,” Radek told him with a smile as he shut the laptop. “Did you have a good afternoon?”

“I did,” Evan replied, grinning. “Got a few things done and Coughlin and Smitty stopped by to remind us that we’re having a movie night tomorrow night in the lounge and we’re watching Mel Brooks movies. Oh – and Smitty’s boys will be coming over on the next Daedalus run.”

“Yes, I’d heard that,” Radek replied as they headed out. “I’m very happy for her – I know she’s been missing them terribly. And they will be good additions to our team.”

Giving Radek a side-long glance, Evan asked, “Did you have anything to do with them coming?”

“I might have,” Radek replied evasively. “But in a very round-about way. It was more of a nudge to put their qualified resumes in the right place at the right time. Otherwise, it’s been completely up to them and their own merit.”

Evan smiled. “Radek, you softy!”

“Yes, yes, I am a complete romantic at heart,” Radek replied dryly.

“So, how big was the proverbial fire that McKay wanted you to put out?”

“It was nothing – not even a spark. He merely wanted me here being productive. Apparently, while he’s willing to give leeway to anyone who’s caring for a sick person, once that person is up and moving about, the leeway comes to an end.”

Evan rolled his eyes. “I think there’s a big difference between being sick and losing one’s memory.”

“I concur, but Rodney obviously does not.”

“Did you use the ‘I was seeing Dr. Heightmeyer’ card?”

Radek nodded. “Well, more so in the sense of reminding him that I had made an appointment with her for this morning the other day and had told him then. Sometimes I think he just likes to see how far he can push me before I’ll yell back. I think it gives him the satisfaction of knowing that I’m human too, since I tend to balance him out most of the time by remaining calm and I’m usually the one putting out his fires or to whom the other scientists will come running to for reassurances.”

“Or before they screw things up royally to see if you’ll help them fix things before Rodney finds out and/or they blow something up,” Evan added, amused.

“Very true,” Radek agreed. They got in line and grabbed trays. “What did you want to do tonight?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. When I was talking with Smitty and Coughlin earlier, they said that they and Parrish missed spending time with us as a team. I know we’ll be seeing them tomorrow night, but maybe we could hang out with them some tonight too?”

Radek nodded. “That sounds good. I’ve missed spending time with them as well – even if it means I got more time with you.”

They headed into the mess hall and were soon joined by the rest of Evan’s team. After enjoying a lingering dinner, they set up a couple of chess boards and played a few games with Radek soundly beating each of his opponents.

When Evan and Radek entered Radek’s quarters, Radek said, “Do you mind if I read some of the new journals we just got in?”

Evan shrugged as they toed off their shoes. “Not at all. At least then you’ll know what Rodney’s complaining about once he gets his hands on them. Besides, I think I left my book here the last time and I wanted to finish it.”

“You did,” Radek replied as he pointed to the mentioned item on his desk before grabbing his own reading materials off the couch and settling down. “I’m surprised you didn’t ask me about it before.”

“Eh, I figured I’d get it sooner or later.” Evan smiled as he picked it up and joined Radek on the couch.

They were quiet for a while, both absorbed in their own reading, their legs tangled together. When Evan got up to get a drink, he, without thinking, got Radek something as well and set it down on the floor next to Radek and Radek smiled up at him and murmured his thanks. Evan then grabbed his book and a pillow off the couch and knelt on the floor next to Radek without thinking. He started reading again as if this was the most natural thing in the world. Radek’s hand settled on top of his head and began absently stroking Evan’s hair. Evan leaned into the touch and smiled as he continued reading.

“Drink, please,” Radek told him, holding out his hand.

Evan handed it up to him without thinking or looking and Radek took it from him. Radek took a drink and handed it back to him and Evan sat it back on the floor. Radek’s hand went back to petting him. They continued that way for a while, both quietly reading and Radek stroking Evan’s hair. Occasionally the quiet was punctured by Radek asking for his drink or the quiet sound of Evan shifting his position to keep his legs from falling asleep. When Radek finished a journal, he handed it to Evan, who placed it on the floor in front of him.

As Evan finished his third chapter of the evening, Radek tapped him on the top of his head. “Sit,” Radek commanded and Evan complied, his back against the sofa and his legs crossed beneath him. Radek resumed his petting and said, “Good boy.”

Evan smiled to himself before he resumed reading. *This* was what he wanted. There was no doubt about it now. He just hoped Radek felt the same way, though he knew he’d be willing to try whatever Radek wanted.

Radek tapped the top of his head again. “Please get me some cookies out of the cupboard.”

Evan set his book aside and pushed himself to his feet. He went into the cupboard and brought back the cookies. He knelt before offering them to Radek, hoping he had gotten enough, though he doubted Radek was trying to deliberately trip him up.

“Thank you,” Radek said as he took them. He went back to reading his journal and began nibbling on a cookie.

Evan sat back down and resumed reading. He had read a few pages when Radek’s hand appeared in his line of vision holding a piece of cookie. Evan carefully took it from him with his mouth and chewed slowly as Radek stroked his hair twice in response. “Good boy.”

They continued that way for a while longer, until Radek handed down his third finished journal. He then stretched and said, “I think I am ready to call it a night. Come to bed.” Radek stood and went into the bedroom.

Evan nodded and stood, feeling more relaxed and at peace than he had in a long while. He put the pillow and his book on the couch and Radek’s journals – both the ones he had finished and the ones he had held out for Evan to take – on the desk in two neat piles before taking their glasses and the cookie plate into the kitchenette.

“Leave them for tomorrow,” Radek’s voice came out to him.

Evan left the items on the counter next to the sink and thought the lights in the living area out as he went into the bedroom. Radek was lounging on the bed, still full clothed, but Evan could see the desire in his eyes and the bulge in his pants.

“Undress for me,” Radek softly commanded.

Evan took his time doing so, knowing that Radek enjoyed watching him undress and seeing each part of Evan’s body revealed for him. He carefully folded his clothes and placed them on the chair in the corner as he undressed. When he was done, he turned back to Radek and clasped his hands behind his back, letting Radek look his fill and found that Radek’s intense scrutiny was having a positive effect on his cock as he started to harden.

“You are so beautiful, miláčku,” Radek said roughly. “And I am very proud of you, for what you did today. It was very brave of you to admit to wanting more when most people are barely willing to admit to wanting a little bit of this. And then following through with it tonight -” he let out a long breath as he shook his head in amusement, “that was much more than I had expected it to be, even though it was so simple. I quite enjoyed it. Did you?”

“I did, sir,” Evan replied with a nod of his head. “I enjoyed it very much. I’m glad you found it to your liking.”

“Oh, it was very much to my liking. And it’s helped me a lot in considering what I want from this as well, so thank you.” He moved so he was sitting on the side of the bed. “Kneel before me and worship my cock.”

Evan quickly did as he was told. He knelt between Radek’s spread legs and carefully released Radek’s erection from his pants. He looked up to find Radek had leaned back on his hands and was watching Evan with undisguised lust. Evan took Radek’s cock in his mouth and gently suckled the tip, causing Radek to gasp and Evan’s quick look told him that Radek’s eyes had closed and his mouth was slightly opened. Evan gave the tip one more hard suck before gently sliding down Radek’s length, relaxing his throat as he went. He held the position for a moment as he sucked on the engorged member, and tightened his throat around the head of Radek’s cock. Radek gasped and moaned and tried to thrust into Evan’s mouth, but he didn’t have enough leverage to do so.

Evan released his cock and nuzzled Radek’s balls before taking them into his mouth and gently sucking on them. Radek keened slightly, thrusting up into empty air as Evan released them to gently nip his way up the underside of Radek’s erection. He licked the underside of the tip of Radek’s cock, causing Radek to jerk in response, and smiled as he took the head of Radek’s cock back in his mouth, sucking on it again as he ran his tongue along the underside, causing Radek to whimper and feeling a rush of precome wash over his tongue and down his throat. He deep throated Radek again, this time going as slowly as possible so that Radek would feel Evan’s progress on every millimeter of his cock. And, as Evan had expected, by the time he had reached the base, Radek was whimpering plaintively and writhing beneath him. He began gently sucking Radek’s cock, slowly and certainly, knowing he was close to making Radek beg for it. As he gently ran his teeth along Radek’s cock as he released him, Evan was rewarded.

“Please, please, please,” Radek whimpered. “Ach Bůh. *Please*.”

Evan nuzzled Radek’s balls again and licked them with a broad swipe of his tongue and Radek’s whimper turned into a growl of frustration. Evan wrapped his hand around the base of Radek’s cock and gently squeezed as he played with the tip of Radek’s cock, teasing it mercilessly with his tongue and lips. Evan loved hearing the litany of whimpers and moans of frustration that were falling freely from Radek’s lips. Evan finally took pity on him and released his hand as he sucked hard on the tip. Radek stiffened and came hard into Evan’s mouth. Evan drank him down as he milked Radek’s orgasm from him, continuing long after the initial shocks had subsided and he kept going until Radek’s rapidly softening cock was twitching slightly in pleasure in his mouth. Radek sighed happily as he fell back against the bed and was quiet for a moment. Evan watched him with a smile as he licked his lips for any errant taste of Radek.

Radek finally pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at Evan. “Come up here and kneel on the bed.” Evan quickly did as he was told – his own erection bobbing slightly with the movement as he arranged himself on the bed, his knees spread to give himself some balance and to bring attention to his own cock. Radek watched him hungrily as he said, “I want you to bring yourself off in three strokes or you’ll have to wait until after I’m done with you, and I have a lot planned for tonight.”

Evan slowly stroked himself, the combination of Radek’s blatant look and his own hand easily bringing him off. As he slowly collected himself afterwards, Evan absently thought that while public exhibitionism was definitely out, there was no way he’d ever get tired of Radek watching him.

“Get the lube,” Radek commanded and Evan moved off the bed and retrieved the tube from its place on the nightstand. He handed it to Radek before resuming his kneeling position on the bed. “Good boy. On your hands and knees facing that wall.” Radek pointed as he got off the bed.

Evan quickly obeyed the order and he heard Radek open the tube. Before Evan had time to think, Radek ran a slicked finger along the crack in Evan’s ass and Evan shivered slightly as he pressed back against the touch.

Radek chuckled softly as he said, “You are always so impatient to both to please and to be fucked. I think I need to step up your training some more to teach you some patience. We are going to start tonight.”

Radek lightly stroked along Evan’s crack a few more times and Evan felt his cock stirring slightly again. “Stay completely still,” Radek commanded as he drew Evan’s cheeks apart and stroked over Evan’s puckered hole.

It was hard for Evan to comply, but he did, screwing his eyes shut and clenching the bed sheets beneath his hands as he did so. Radek patted the inside of both of Evan’s thighs, forcing Evan to shift his legs wider and opening himself up more to Radek. Radek pushed his pointer finger all the way into Evan’s hole and let it stay there as Evan’s body adjusted to the intrusion. Then he began slowly fucking Evan with it. Evan blew out a deep breath and gritted his teeth as he fought against the instinct to push back and meet each of Radek’s thrusts with one of his own. He mewled slightly and was rewarded with a pat on his hip.

“Yes,” Radek murmured. “Please, make all the noise you’d like. Just don’t move. I will do all the work.”

He continued to slowly fuck Evan with one finger until Evan was trembling ever so slightly as he forced himself to stay still and he was half-hard. Radek with drew the finger and Evan whimpered loudly. Radek’s touch soon returned, and he stroked two fingers over Evan’s hole before he inserted them into Evan’s body. Once again, he pushed them all the way in and waited as Evan’s body acclimated to the intrusion. Then he just as slowly began fucking Evan with them, this time scissoring his fingers as he moved them to open Evan up even more.

Evan began whimpering and moaning more consistently as Radek kept up the exaggeratedly slow pace, wishing he could move as well. He dropped his head to rest his forehead on his hands so he could focus better and was rewarded with a sharp smack on his ass. He quickly righted his position.

“I told you on your hands and knees and I expect you to hold that position,” Radek said sharply. “Your concentration is part of this exercise, not just getting off.”

Radek’s hand stilled for long moments and Evan waited, wishing Radek would start moving his fingers again. Radek finally did, to pull them out. Evan whimpered pitifully. Radek finally stroked three fingers over Evan’s asshole before pushing them in and let them rest inside of Evan for a moment so Evan could adjust again. Evan moaned softly, the need and desire evident in his voice.

Radek chuckled and caressed Evan’s hip again. “You have no idea how appealing it is when we’ve stripped away so much and the more wanton side of you comes to the fore.”

He began thrusting his fingers in and out of Evan’s body, this time not only scissoring them, but also deliberately brushing against Evan’s prostate. Evan began whimpering and moaning again and considered begging for the first time in his life, but he stayed still, even if his body was trembling slightly from desire and he doubted it would ever stop. Radek had done such a good job of taking him apart that he felt like he was a bundle of nerves and they were all on fire. His cock was immeasurably hard and brushing against his stomach, leaving a trail of precome in its wake and he could feel his distended balls pressing against their sac as they hung heavy below him. Evan whimpered loudly before biting his bottom lip hard when Radek withdrew his fingers.

Radek stroked Evan’s ass lovingly as he said, “Oh, this is going to be very enjoyable tonight when I fuck your ass hard, miláčku. Once I’m seated inside you, I want you to move as much as you’d like. But you’re not allowed to touch your cock.”

Evan growled in frustration and Radek smacked his ass to regain his attention. “I was serious about what I said. You need to learn more patience, and I have been quite lenient and indulgent with you in the past. If we’re going to go deeper and further with what we have, you must learn this. And this is to be only the first of many lessons.”

“Yes, sir,” Evan mumbled.

“What was that?” Radek asked pointedly.

“Yes, sir,” Evan enunciated, his tone a little harsher.

“Good.”

Radek teased the entrance of Evan’s asshole with his fingertips and Evan whimpered. Without any warning, Radek thrust his cock inside of Evan. Evan gasped before automatically clenching his ass muscles around Radek’s cock.

“Good, miláčku,” Radek said as he stroked Evan’s hips.

Radek immediately started with a punishing pace, pushing Evan harder and faster than he was used to, especially right away. But once Evan had acclimated to it, he was eagerly meeting each of Radek’s forward thrusts with a backwards thrust of his own. He also continually clenched and unclenched his ass around Radek’s cock, gripping the length tightly whenever it was seated deeply inside of him.

Evan dropped his head, closed his eyes, and began breathing slowly, concentrating on the in and out motion as they continued fucking. Otherwise, there was no way he’d be able to last until Radek was done and he knew that Radek would be able to take him to the brink and then push him past it, and he wanted to be there every step of the way. He wanted to make Radek proud of him.

Radek changed the angle of his thrusts and began hitting Evan’s prostate on each pass, sending stars into Evan’s line of vision and tendrils of pleasure skittering all over Evan’s body. Evan gasped, then began moaning softly with each thrust. He shook his head imperceptibly. Radek certainly did know how to keep Evan off balance and focused on him and what Radek was doing to his body.

Evan gave in and focused on the hard column of flesh that was rhythmically piercing his body. He let out a ragged breath and felt Radek’s cock brush against his prostate again and he began making love to it. Instead of just rotely clenching his ass, he knew exactly how to do it so that Radek would get the maximum amount of pleasure out of what they were doing. He heard Radek moan behind him and smiled, knowing that it was working. He continued worshipping and loving the cock that was fucking him and he could hear Radek’s breathing become more scattered and ragged and the soft mewls of pleasure that were escaping from his mouth. Evan smiled to himself, knowing that Radek’s pleasure was coming not just from fucking him, but from what he was doing to Radek’s cock.

He felt the cock inside of him tighten a tiny bit more and Evan kept going, knowing it wouldn’t be long now. He was almost instantly rewarded as Radek stopped thrusting and came deep inside of him. Evan continued clenching and unclenching his ass, milking Radek’s orgasm out of him.

Once Radek was done, he pulled Evan up and against his chest, exposing Evan’s hard cock, which was now pressed close to his stomach, and pushing Radek’s cock a little further into Evan’s ass. Evan moaned at the feeling.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please.”

“Please what?” Radek purred in his ear.

“Please. Let me come.”

“Maybe,” Radek said as he trailed a hand down Evan’s chest to his belly button, his nails gently scratching Evan’s skin and making him shiver. “Or maybe I’d like to play a little more first.”

He gently ran his hands up and down over Evan’s stomach and chest and played with his nipples. Evan moaned and writhed on Radek’s cock.

“You are so beautiful like this,” Radek murmured into Evan’s ear, the warm air caressing Evan’s ear. “Do you want me to let you come?”

“Yes,” Evan hissed, knowing the plaintive tone was evident to his own ears.

Radek’s fingertips gently ghosted over Evan’s straining cock from base to tip and Evan arched into the touch as he whimpered. “Good,” Radek said, the smile evident in his voice. “You’re going to come with nothing more than this.”

Evan whimpered. He needed more than that. He needed it fast and rough. But as Radek’s fingertips kept up their slow pace, he found himself focusing in on them and how they felt on his cock. He could feel them searching out each ridge and wrinkle, every bump and ridge, regardless of slight, in his cock. His breathing slowed to match Radek’s stroking as he continued to shallowly thrust up to meet Radek’s down strokes.

“You are so beautiful like this,” Radek murmured, his Czech accent almost blurring his words. “So completely open and compliant. I love having my way with you when you’re like this.”

“*Please*,” Evan breathed, not sure how much more he’d be able to take of this torture.

“Come for me whenever you’re ready,” Radek told him as he continued teasing Evan’s cock.

Evan let out a ragged breath and felt himself teetering on the edge and wishing he had just that little extra push. Radek swiped a bead of precome off the tip of Evan’s cock and Evan gasped as pleasure whizzed through him and he came, shooting over his chest and Radek’s hand. Radek tightened his grip and milked Evan’s orgasm out of him, leaving him feeling completely sated when he had finished.

Radek slowly pulled out and pulled Evan down onto the bed with him. Evan rolled over so they were facing each other. As he pulled a cover over them, Radek said, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Evan replied before rubbing his nose against Radek’s.

Radek chuckled before saying, “Go to sleep.”

Evan snuggled down and wrapped an arm around Radek and pulled him close. Radek went easily and soon they were both asleep.

At their next joint meeting with Heightmeyer, she commented, “Well, the two of you look like you’re doing very well.”

Evan nodded. “I think we are,” and Radek nodded in agreement.

“So, have the two of you thought about what you want to do to expand your intimate desires more into your every day lives?”

Evan let out a shaky breath and at Radek’s gesture, went first. “Well, I’ve realized that I want to take care of Radek. You know – cook, clean, laundry, fetch things, whatever he wants.”

“And how do you feel about this, Radek?” Heightmeyer asked him.

“I’m okay with that,” Radek replied. “I had a hard time figuring out what I wanted at first because, like we’ve said before, we are not exactly the stereotypical poster couple for this sort of thing and that was all that kept coming into my head – the whips and chains and such. But I knew that wouldn’t make either of us happy.”

“There are all sorts of ‘this sort of thing’, Radek,” Heightmeyer reassured him. “The type that you’re thinking of is just one type, and unfortunately for everyone else, the one that usually gets publicized.”

Radek nodded in agreement. “I know. So I thought about it some more and I basically came to the same conclusion that Evan did, but I wasn’t as sure as he was. I kept thinking that it would be nice if, in addition to having someone to come home to, if they could do all the little but necessary things that I hate doing – the cooking and cleaning, laundry, whatever. But I didn’t know if Evan would consider it too degrading for me to ask such a thing of him. He *is* the second in command of the military here.”

“Just like you’re the second in command of the science division here,” Evan told him softly as he took Radek’s hand in his.

Radek nodded and said, “I know.” Turning his attention back to Heightmeyer, he said, “And then, the other evening, Evan took it upon himself to give me a little ‘demonstration’, if you will.” He glanced at Evan and Evan nodded. “We were in my quarters, reading, and after he got me something to drink, he knelt on the floor beside where I was lounging on the couch and continued his reading as if this was nothing out of the ordinary. And it was odd, because it didn’t feel out of the ordinary. In fact, it felt very much ordinary and right. The rest of the evening was very enjoyable and I think we both got a lot out of it.”

“And did you, Evan?” Heightmeyer asked him. “What was the impetus for trying that?”

“I did,” Evan replied with a nod before shrugging. “Honestly, I don’t know what made me try it. It just felt like the right thing to do right then and I figured I’d know right away if it was something that Radek didn’t like or didn’t want. But when he started stroking my hair, I could tell that it was something we just might be able to continue with. But we didn’t actually discuss it. I guess we just figured that we had enough to process and figure out without getting the other one involved.”

“Actually, I just wanted to make sure that you knew what wanted you without my interference,” Radek told him. “I thought that if you didn’t have my input, it would help you be able to better determine what *you* wanted.”

“And I think it did,” Evan replied with a nod. “Thank you.”

“Would you gentlemen like me to help you draw up a list of what each of you expects in this new phase so that you’ll have a clear vision of what you’re heading into?”

They both nodded and Heightmeyer focused on her tablet for a moment before saying, “Okay, let’s get started. Radek, what would you like Evan to be accountable for?”

Radek thought for a moment. “Keeping my quarters clean, doing my laundry, cooking the occasional meal if we don’t feel like going to the mess hall, fetching things for me either from somewhere else in my quarters or going down to the lab for it.”

Once Heightmeyer had gotten it all down, she said, “All right, Evan. What sorts of limits do you have?”

“I would like a schedule of when Radek expects these things done by and how often,” Evan replied easily. “I would like specifics on how he wants things done, if he has any special touches that I don’t know about. I’d like to know if he wants me to include his desk in the ‘cleaning his quarters’ item.”

“That’s very fair,” Radek said with a nod as Heightmeyer made a note of what Evan had stated. “But if you don’t know how I like things by now, I don’t think you’ll ever learn. And I’ll let you know before you start cleaning what I do and don’t want you to touch on my desk.”

“Is there anything else, gentlemen?” Heightmeyer asked them. They shook their heads and she said, “All right, then I’d like Radek to make up a schedule now so that we’ll all know right away what the expectation is.”

She handed Radek her tablet and Radek began writing down when he wanted things to be done by. As he did so, Evan cleared his throat. “I do have something else,” he said. “Well, a couple of things.” Radek stopped and looked up at him questioningly. “I want to know about punishment and also about what happens when I’m off-world, since that’s going to become an issue soon.”

“And what makes you think I’ll ever need to punish you, Evan?” Radek asked, the surprise evident in his voice.

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seemed like a good idea to cover it. You know, just in case. I know I’m not always going to be perfect and I want to know what to expect.”

Heightmeyer didn’t say anything as Radek studied Evan’s worried expression. “I would say that we’ll figure it out when we get there, but we both know that won’t do either of us any good if we don’t know what to expect,” Radek finally said. He thought for another long moment. “How about this – if it was an unavoidable mistake, such as dinner being ruined because of an unforeseeable event, or something happening to a load of laundry – say you lose half of my socks – we don’t do anything since there’s always a chance of something going wrong. But if it was something due to your negligence, then you will spend the night in your own quarters.”

Evan thought about it for a moment before saying, “Okay, that sounds fair.”

“And how you arbitrate what was an accident and what was negligence, Radek?” Heightmeyer asked, playing the devil’s advocate.

“I will question him thoroughly and then make a decision. And I will expect him to confess to anything that goes wrong at the first appropriate chance. If I find out that he deliberately kept something from me, he will be spanked before he is sent to his quarters for the night.”

“Is spanking a part of your routine?” she asked them.

“Not on a normal basis,” Evan replied.

“And he will definitely know that it is not a pleasure spanking,” Radek replied firmly.

“Is this an acceptable punishment, Evan?” Heightmeyer asked.

“It is,” Evan replied with a nod.

“And if you are off-world, then we will work around it.” Radek smiled warmly. “I’m a big boy and I can do my own laundry and such when necessary. Besides, you were drafted for this expedition, not to be my manservant, but I will expect you to fulfill your duties to the best of your abilities when you are on Atlantis.”

“Okay,” Evan replied as Radek finished writing down his schedule and showed it to him. “That looks very doable,” he said with a nod.

Radek handed the tablet back to Heightmeyer and she glanced over it. “Shall we set up a trial period to see how this goes and then reevaluate your situation at that point and make any necessary changes?”

“Sounds good,” they both replied in unison and the three of them smiled.

Heightmeyer tapped a few spots on her tablet before saying, “I just emailed a copy of this to each of you. Let’s set our next appointment for two weeks from now and we can go from there.” She stood and both men followed her lead. “It’s been a pleasure working with both of you and I hope that you’re both happy with the new direction your relationship is taking.”

“Oh, I think we will be,” Evan replied with a smile. “Thanks, Doc.”

“Yes, thank you, Dr. Heightmeyer,” Radek added. “We better get going,” he said to Evan as they left. “I think Carson is looking for you.”

“Well, he will be soon,” Evan said, looking at his watch. “But I told him I’d drop by after we talked to Heightmeyer.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Radek asked.

Evan shrugged. “Sure, if you want. But I’m sure he’ll give me a once over and then declare me fit to return to active duty and that’ll be that. It’ll be very boring and I’m sure I’ll be in and out in about five minutes.”

“Fifteen, knowing Carson,” Radek replied with a wink. “That man is more thorough than the SGC, I think.”

Evan laughed. “You’re probably right. I think I can manage this on my own, so how about I radio you afterwards and we meet for lunch?”

Radek nodded with a smile. “That sounds good. There are a few things I need to get set up for a simulation I want to run anyway, so now would be perfect so I can run it after lunch.”

“Sounds like we’ve got a plan.” Evan quickly looked both ways down the deserted hallway before leaning in to place a quick peck on Radek’s lips. “See you later.”

Radek looked a little distracted and slightly stunned as he parroted back, “See you later – yes, perfect.”

Evan laughed as he patted Radek on the cheek before heading off to meet with Carson. The infirmary was quiet when he arrived and he headed back to Carson’s office. Seeing that the doctor wasn’t there, Evan headed back to the lab. Finding Carson concentrating on a computer screen and some sort of medical equipment, Evan carefully “knocked” on a nearby table.

Carson looked up, slightly startled, and smiled. “Och, Major. I’m sorry – I got completely caught up and forgot about the appointment.”

“Don’t worry about it, Doc,” Evan replied with a smile. “We didn’t exactly specify a time anyway. But I can come back if you’re in the middle of something….”

Carson waved him off as he saved his work. “This can wait. I was just trying to finish up a few things from the last time I had a chance to work on this little project. It’s nothing that can’t keep until later.” He stood and motioned for Evan to follow him. “Let’s get you checked out and on your way. I’m sure you’re antsy to get back on the off-world rotation.”

“As nice as the ‘vacation’ has been, you’re right – I can’t wait,” Evan replied as they went back out to the main part of the infirmary. I know the rest of the team is ready, too.”

Carson patted one of the examination tables and Evan hopped up on it as Carson retrieved Evan’s file as well as the necessary medical equipment. Flipping through the file, Carson said, “How’s your head? Any headaches? Sensitivity to light? Other eye problems? Hearing problems? Breathing problems?”

Evan shook his head. “Head’s fine and no to all those questions. I did get a headache the other day when I went to get Radek from the lab and caught him and Rodney mid-brainstorm. Should I worry about that?”

Carson chuckled as he shook his head and made a note in Evan’s file. “I’m afraid not. Their prattle would give anyone who’s not in the hard sciences a headache.”

He took out his penlight and checked Evan’s eyes. He went through the whole checklist – also checking Evan’s temperature, weight, blood pressure, breathing, reflexes – mental and physical, hearing, eyesight, range of motion in his arms and legs, balance, strength, everything Evan knew was normal and a few things he wasn’t sure about.

When they finally finished, Carson made a few more notes in Evan’s file before snapping it shut. “I believe I can safely say that you are completely physically healed,” he said with a smile. “I’ll let Dr. Weir know that I’m signing off on your return to active duty.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Evan replied with a smile as he jumped off the table.

“How’s the memory returning?” Carson asked.

“Good,” Evan replied with a smile. “From what Radek and the rest of my team have said, I’ve got most of my memories back. There’s still a few that I know that I’m missing, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time at this point with the way the rest of them have been coming back.”

“Good,” Carson confirmed. “Now get going. I know we’ve both got things to do. And I don’t want to see you in here until your next physical unless you’re visiting someone.”

They both chuckled as Evan said, “Thanks again, Doc,” and headed out.

As he left, he checked his watch and saw that it was earlier than he had expected, so he headed down to the gym to see if he could maybe get some sparring time in with a punching bag before meeting Radek. The rest of the team was there and Smithson and Coughlin were trying to teach Parrish the finer points of self-defense.

“At this point, I think you guys are just wasting your time,” Parrish was whining as Evan stepped inside. “If I haven’t learned by now, I doubt I will.”

“Come on, Parrish,” Smithson told him patiently. “You’ve gotten a lot better since we started.”

“Yeah,” he snorted derisively. “Better at ducking and covering and falling down.”

Evan cleared his throat and they all looked at him, surprised.

“I still vote we get you a bell, sir,” Coughlin told him with a laugh.

“And where would the fun in that be?” Evan asked with a raised eyebrow. He let his expression turn thoughtful as he said, “Though, I’m sure I could think of a few ways to have fun with it.”

Smithson frowned. “I don’t think I want to know, Lorne,” she said. “What you and Radek do in your off-time is your own business and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“So would I,” Evan replied, casually clasping his hands behind his back. “I wasn’t expecting to find you all here, but since you are, I wanted to tell you that I’ve just been completely cleared by Carson for active duty. So we should be back in rotation within the next few days.”

“Oh, thank God,” Coughlin sighed. “I love this city, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve been getting a little bored with the landscape.”

“I think we all have,” Smithson said. “Except for Parrish here.”

“Don’t be jealous just because I’m the only one with my set of skills and they’re suddenly in demand,” Parrish said before grinning and grabbing his water bottle. “That’s great, Evan.”

Coughlin swiped the bottle from him as soon as he finished drinking. “So, have all the memories come back?”

“Not all of them,” Evan replied, “but enough.”

“Any idea what you’re still missing?” Smithson asked as she wiped her face off with a towel.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Evan replied with a naughty grin. “I have it on very good authority from Radek that I’m missing a veritable treasure trove of personal goodies that I wouldn’t share even if I did remember them.”

“I think you need to have your head checked again,” Coughlin told him as they gathered up their things. “You weren’t nearly this much of a tease before your accident.”

“Maybe not,” Evan replied with a shrug. “But since the accident, I’ve gotten a chance to put a bunch of things into perspective. And it’s actually kind of fun to do this to you guys and watch you blush.”

“Just because you’re the only one getting some on a regular basis doesn’t mean you need to rub our faces in it,” Smithson told him. “Right, Parrish?”

“Who said I wasn’t getting on a regular basis?” Parrish asked.

Coughlin scoffed as they headed towards the door and Evan joined them. “You can’t not go into raptures over a plant you find and you’re a botanist. If you *were* getting any, I think we’d know about it.”

“Don’t be so sure about that. I might not be the type that kisses and tells.”

Evan patted Parrish on the shoulder as they left. “Good man, Parrish. Good man. How do you guys feel about getting some lunch? I’m going to pick up Radek and head to the mess hall.”

The others nodded and Smithson said, “Give us a few minutes to get cleaned up and we’ll meet you two there.”

“Fair enough. We’ll see you three in a few.”

Evan radioed Radek that he was on his way and headed down to the labs with a spring in his step. Things were great at this moment – he was cleared for active duty, he and Radek were in a great place with their relationship and getting ready to delve into something deeper, and he felt great.

As he passed one of the botany labs – Dr. Brown’s, he was fairly certain – Evan caught a whiff of something sweet and a little tangy and he couldn’t help but feel like he knew that scent from somewhere a little more personal. He shook it off, figuring Radek had probably come home one night smelling like plants from helping the botanists move their plants to their new labs. But for the rest of the way, he couldn’t shake the feeling that that scent had a very personal connotation for him and Radek.

“What’s wrong?” Radek asked him when Evan showed up.

“Nothing, why?” Evan asked, confused.

“You look like you’re trying to work something out mentally.”

“It’s not important,” Evan replied, shrugging it off. “Ready to go?”

“Definitely,” Radek replied with a smile as he turned off his laptop. “How did things go with Carson?”

“Great,” Evan replied as they headed out. “He checked everything – as expected. But I can now say with complete certainty that there’s nothing wrong with me and he’s going to tell Weir that I’m ready to go back on active duty.” Radek nodded as Evan continued, “Did we ever tell the others specifics about us?”

Radek shook his head. “No. It never seemed necessary. They knew that we were together and we were content to leave it at that.”

“I think we should tell them,” Evan said. “Especially if we’re going to be doing more non-intimate stuff with it. That way it’ll be easier when they’re confronted with it first hand.”

“You sound fairly certain that that’s going to happen,” Radek commented as they passed the botany lab, and he smiled fondly.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if it did and I’m just trying to cover all our bases. You know that scent too!” he blurted out as he stopped in his tracks.

“Yes, I do,” Radek affirmed, turning to look at Evan. “Did you remember something because of it on the way over?”

“I don’t know,” Evan replied. “I smelled it when I passed by and it felt like I should know it – like it had something to do with us, but I couldn’t remember anything else. I think it was a good memory, though,” he said as he breathed it in again.

Radek nodded in affirmation, but didn’t say anything as he looked at Evan keenly.

Evan focused on the smell as he searched his brain for some sort of memory or something to latch onto. He stared at Radek, squinting his eyes for a moment in concentration as a memory started to come back to him. “Okay,” he said, closing the distance and whispering in Radek’s ear. “Did we use that scent in some sort of massage oil?”

“Good job,” Radek replied with a grin. “That was during one of the first times we did anything… out of the ordinary. I had asked Katie Brown if she could scent some oil with it and she agreed.”

More of the memory came back to Evan now. “And I used it to give you a massage before you fucked me for the first time.”

Radek nodded and his eyes looked suspiciously bright. “Bingo.” He hugged Evan tightly.

Evan thought for a moment, putting the memory in context. “Wow, that was early. We’ve been doing this for quite a while.”

Radek nodded again. “We have. And now you’re finally starting to remember.”

Before Evan could reply, his radio beeped and he tapped it. “Lorne.”

“If you wait too much longer, the food’s going to be gone, sir,” Coughlin told him.

“We’re on our way,” Evan replied with a smile.

“Come,” Radek said to him, as he took Evan’s hand. “Let’s go have lunch and tell them.”

Evan nodded as they headed out. “The rest will come, Radek.”

“I know,” Radek replied softly. “I was starting to give up hope, though. I know it’s silly to mourn memories when I have you here, otherwise whole and intact, and we’re working on making new memories, but –”

“It still hurts,” Evan finished. “I know. I’m the one missing the memories, remember?”

Radek nodded this time without saying anything.

A few minutes later, they joined the rest of Evan’s team with laden trays. After a bit of chitchat, Evan cleared his throat and said, “We need to tell you guys something.”

“You’re breaking up?” Smithson asked, looking a little crestfallen, and Evan glared at her.

“You’re getting married?” Parrish asked, looking hopeful, and Evan glared at him.

“What is it, sir?” Coughlin asked, his tone amused.

“Radek’s and my relationship is staying the same,” Evan told them. “Mostly. We, um, we –” He flushed slightly.

“What Evan wants to say,” Radek jumped in, “is that he has certain personality traits that extend beyond his chosen career and into our relationship. Since the accident, we have been working on making these traits more present in all areas of our lives and we wanted the three of you to know so that it didn’t come as a surprise in the future.”

“Wow, that was quite tactful,” Evan said.

“And better than you would have done,” Radek told him.

“Totally,” Smithson replied and Evan’s three teammates looking like they would need a few minutes to process what Radek had told them.

“If you guys have any questions, I’d be happy to answer them,” Evan told them.

“Why didn’t you tell us before?” Parrish asked before stuffing a forkful of salad into his mouth.

Evan shrugged. “I’d gotten so used to not being able to tell anyone that it was just a habit. It really wasn’t that I didn’t trust the three of you or anything.”

Smithson looked between the two of them, an evil grin forming. “So, does he spank you a lot?” she asked quietly.

“Only if I beg nicely,” Evan replied, a tentative smile forming.

“And sometimes not even then,” Radek replied nonchalantly. “He has to be a very good boy for that.”

Coughlin screwed his eyes shut and made an expression like he had just sucked on a lemon. “Thanks for that image, Smitty,” he said. “Now I need to wash my brain out.”

“Oh, it’s not that bad of an image,” she replied.

“In theory, no,” he agreed. “But I didn’t need to have part of the visual be one of my commanding officers and my team leader.”

Parrish laughed and threw a piece of bread at Coughlin. “Good for you,” he said to Radek and Evan. Coughlin threw the bread back and the piece bounced off of Parrish’s nose before landing on his tray. “Hey!” Parrish said indignantly before throwing the offending bread back at Coughlin, the discussion officially over.

Evan couldn’t help but laugh at his teammates as they continued throwing the bread back and forth. He relaxed back in his chair and caught Radek’s eyes and they shared a smile. The moment was broken by the piece of bread hitting Evan on the forehead. He glared at his teammates before throwing it at Smithson, who laughed and threw it at Radek.

Evan relaxed back in his chair and watched his teammates and his partner. Life was definitely good right now.


End file.
